


I Can't Live Without You

by Trickster_Angel



Series: Flowers Choke My Lungs [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Ice Skating, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Major Character Injury, Unrequited Love, a few ocs sprinkled in for flavor, have fun, no major characters are ocs, take the illness stuff with a grain of salt, this one may be the angstiest of the three
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-01-20 01:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_Angel/pseuds/Trickster_Angel
Summary: Yuri has spent the past three years trying to win gold in the Grand Prix Final. This year, he is determined to win. But falling in love with Otabek, that was not part of the plan. But even as his life is falling apart, he will not give up on his goals.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am again, choosing not to use archive warnings. Please take this as your warning. There may or may not be major character death. Whether or not there is, there will be heavy angst. Please take this warning into consideration when reading and don't say I didn't warn you.

When Yuri arrived at Skate America, he wasn’t automatically annoyed. In fact, he was in a good mood. Otabek was competing in Skate America too and Yuri hadn’t seen him in months. So when he, Yakov, Lilia, and Mila walked into the hotel, Yuri was feeling good. 

But said good mood was quickly ruined when he heard someone scream, “Leo!”

Yuri looked straight ahead and saw one of the other skaters, Guang-Hong Ji running at them. Both he and Mila had to get out of his way as he ran past them and into the arms of the American skater, Leo de la Iglesia. And just like that, Yuri’s good mood went out the window.

“Aw, isn’t that sweet?” Mila asked in Russian so the two lovebirds would be oblivious. Not that they seemed to care anyway. They were hugging each other and being sickeningly sweet. Yuri thought he was going to throw up. 

“Whatever,” he replied and started to walk away. Yakov and Lilia were already checking them in so he walked back to where his coaches were. His eyes glanced back to the two skaters only to find them kissing now, Leo running his hands through Guang-Hong’s hair. 

Oh, he was definitely going to throw up.

“I can’t believe you,” Mila said with a smile, “You’re an adult now. Never had a date, no first kiss, nothing.”

“Unlike  _ some of us _ , I’m focusing on my career,” Yuri snapped back. He paused for a moment and added, “And who says I haven’t done any of those things?” But Mila laughed. She knew it was all true. And although Yuri might deny it, he knew it was too. But he didn’t need the hag to lord it over him as if she was so special because she’d had sex by the time she was his age. 

“Do you two have to fight everywhere we go?” Yakov asked, clearly annoyed with the two skaters. 

Yuri glared at her but Mila took it in stride and winked at him. Yakov sighed, exhausted. “Here are your room keys. Don’t lose them.”

“We won’t,” they said in unison. After all the time Yuri spent with Yakov, he still treated him like a child. It was really annoying.

“I have so many places to show you,” Leo said as he walked past the three of them, arm in arm with Guang-Hong. They looked so happy together. 

“I’m going to go find a bucket to puke in,” Yuri said as he wandered off. 

Yakov looked slightly concerned but Lilia didn't react. Mila just laughed.

“Just you wait,” she shouted after him. 

* * *

So much had changed in three years. After Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki’s deaths, not only the figure skating world but the entire world was rocked by the tragedy. One famous figure skater and one moderately known, somewhat okay figure skater had passed away from the same disease. There were a lot of fundraisers and events to raise money for research into Hanahaki. They used Viktor as the figure of the disease. Yuri thought it was ridiculous but it did its job. His home country got very involved in the research and became one of the best countries on Earth to be treated for Hanahaki. Life expectancies went up and the death toll went down. Something good had come out of those idiots’ deaths. Yuri still didn’t understand how they could both just lay down and die for their love but they had and nothing was going to change that, no matter how much Yuri pondered on it. Not that he pondered on it much. Just sometimes. 

But Yuuri and Viktor’s deaths did end up helping another skater, Guang-Hong Ji. He’d gone public with the fact that he had Hanahaki Disease in late 2017, after his season was done. He brought a lot of awareness about the disease and was cured within two months. Apparently, Leo only needed a little push to realize he loved Guang-Hong back. Now they were sickeningly close with all their annoying PDA at every competition they attended together. Which Yuri had the misfortune of being at two of the same competitions with them since they’d gotten together. It never got any easier to tolerate.

As for Yuri’s skating career, that unfortunately did not go so well. In the 2016 Grand Prix final, he’d come in fourth place and watched Christophe Giacometti get first, that bastard Jean-Jacques Leroy get second, and Otabek Altin come in third. Only Michele Crispino and Phichit Chulanont had come in behind him. But Phichit was a mess after losing his best friend only a week and a half before the Grand Prix and it showed in his performance. He wasn’t ashamed of his performance because he knew he’d been stressed out but Yuri thought his performance was worse that Yuuri’s the year before, and that was saying something. 

Everyone had said that Yuri should be proud that he’d made it to the Grand Prix final when he was fifteen but that wasn’t good enough. He was a strong competitor and he had wanted to win. It had been disappointing to be so close to the podium but to miss it. 

The positive to that event was meeting Otabek. He’d saved Yuri from some rabid fangirls that had been chasing him all over Barcelona. He’d pulled up on his motorcycle and whisked Yuri away like some dashing knight in a fairytale. After that, they’d remained good friends, communicating frequently on social media and plenty of calls and texts. Otabek was the closest friend Yuri had and he was grateful for him.

The next two Grand Prixes had been similarly bad for Yuri. Christophe took first,  _ again _ , in 2017. J.J. took second,  _ again _ , the bastard, and Yuri managed to claw his way into third place. Yakov had been please but Yuri was still disappointed. He knew he could do better.

In 2018, Christophe retired so Yuri had hoped for first but lost to J.J.,  _ again _ ! And Otabek beat him too, leaving him in third  _ again _ . But this year would be different. For the 2019 Grand Prix final, Yuri was determined to win. 

* * *

_ Are you here yet? _ Yuri just threw his things into the hotel room and sent the text immediately. He didn’t even bother to close the door, knowing he would probably just go back outside soon. He fussed with his hair as he waited for the reply. He’d grown it out in the past three years and now it reached to his mid-back, when he left it loose. But he’d also gotten very good at styling it in three years although at the moment it was in a sloppy ponytail. He’d just spent eighteen hours on a plane; he didn’t care. 

Just as he set it loose and grimaced at the amount of frizz, his phone buzzed. Yuri grabbed it hastily and looked at the message,

_ Checked in an hour ago. _

_ Meet me in the lobby? _

_ Sure. _

He pulled his hair back into another ponytail.  He didn’t have time to make it look even halfway good. Not that Otabek would care but he did. A little. He didn’t painstakingly grow it out over three years to have it be a mess when he went out. 

He left the hotel room and was thankful not to run into Yakov, Lilia, or Mila. He didn’t want them to know, especially not Mila. She’d just tease him. 

Otabek was already there when Yuri arrived. He looked bored as he scanned the lobby. 

“Beka,” Yuri called. 

Otabek turned towards him; his expression softened. He even smiled a little. “Yura.”

“It’s been forever, hasn’t it?” Yuri asked. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. They got to see each other so infrequently that it was worth it to spend every moment together that they could. “Let’s get out of here. Let’s have some fun.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Let’s just walk. And get away from the other skaters.”

They headed out of the hotel only to see Guang-Hong and Leo standing outside. They were kissing but quickly noticed the two of them and broke it off. Yuri was slightly annoyed. Did they have to engage in so much PDA?

“Oh, hi, Yuri. Hi, Otabek,” Guang-Hong said with a smile. He was still short and had a childish face, despite the fact that he was twenty. 

“We’re going out. You want to come with us?” Leo asked. 

Otabek looked at Yuri. He most definitely did not want to go with them and he said that, “No, we’re going together. See you tomorrow.” He walked away, expecting Otabek to follow him, which he did. 

“Where are we going?” Otabek asked.

“I don’t know. Away from the lovebirds. I can’t stand to see them making out all the time. You’d think they have nothing better to do.”

Otabek didn’t respond to that. They walked for several blocks in silence, with the roar of traffic and chatter of pedestrians filling in the gaps. 

“Should we find a place to go?”

“Sure. Maybe there’s a restaurant around here.”

They did find one pretty quickly. It was pretty quiet and even better, no one recognized them.  Yuri’s fans were practically rabid, especially since he was still single. Then they deluded themselves into thinking they had a shot with him, which none of them did.  But none of them were there and the waiter treated them like he would any customers.

“How have you been?” Yuri asked, “How’s the training going?”

“Well,” Otabek said. They both received their drinks and he continued, “My coach is very confident about this season.”

“And you’re not?” Yuri asked with a laugh.

Otabek smirked as he took a sip of his drink. “I am.”

“You better be. You’d be pretty poor competition otherwise.” 

“What about you?”

“Yakov won’t leave me alone. Lilia is a slave driver. Mila harasses me all the time. It’s all normal.” Yuri shrugged nonchalantly. 

“How’s your grandfather?”

Yuri took a sip of his drink. “He's doing well. He's probably been scratched by my cat by now but that's about it.”

“That's good,” Otabek said.

“That Sasha scratched him?” Yuri said with a laugh.

“You know what I meant,” Otabek replied.  

They were silent for a moment before Yuri said, “I found some more good songs.”

“I have some for you too,” Otabek replied. As a DJ, he was always on the lookout for new songs.  And Yuri loved his choice in music so they frequently exchanged songs they liked. They sent each other a small playlist of new music. Yuri couldn't wait to listen to it.

They stayed at the restaurant for an hour before moving on. After wandering the city for a while, they found a public park and walked inside. 

Bicyclists and joggers raced down the paths. There were plenty of dog walkers and families as well. The dry leaves crunched under their shoes as they walked, talking about nothing in particular. 

Otabek was telling Yuri about his sister when their phones rang. Both took them out to look. Yuri had a text from Mila.

_ All the skaters are going to dinner together. Come with us. ;) _

Yuri sighed. He texted back,  _ No thank you, hag. _

He locked his phone and put it away to see Otabek looking at him. 

“What?” Yuri asked.

“The other skaters are going to dinner,” he said. 

“Yeah. Mila just texted me.”

“Want to go?” 

“No. I’m hanging out with you now.”

“Okay.” He wrote out a text and sent it off too. Then they resumed their walk. 

Yuri really enjoyed the time he got to spend with Otabek. They ended up staying out past sunset and got lost trying to find the hotel again. When Yuri showed up late, Yakov chewed him out but he didn’t care. Once Yakov was finished with his rant, Yuri went back to his hotel room and got ready to sleep. He wanted to be ready for the competition the next day.

Just before he lay down, he sent Otabek a quick text, happy that he wasn’t receiving texts so early in the evening anymore. The time difference was killing him.

_ Good night. _

Within a minute he got a reply.  _ Good night. _

* * *

It was the day of the competition. Yuri was on the ice with the other competitors. Leo and Guang-Hong were actually not glued at the hip, but at every jump they completed, they complimented one another. Yuri couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

Just because they were annoying him, he performed a quadruple salchow. He landed it cleanly, as to be expected. He could always land that jump.

“Good job,” Otabek said, skating a bit closer to him. 

“Thanks,” Yuri replied. He felt a little happy that he’d been complimented. But it wasn’t like he’d fail that jump.

“The six minute warm up is over. All skaters off the ice.” Only Kenjirou Minami, the Japanese representative, stayed on, as he was going first. 

Yuri didn’t bother to stay and watch his performance and left the rink to continue his warmup. He and Otabek were both in the second group, along with the French skater, Guillaume Morin. He was sixteen and far too hyper for Yuri’s liking. He was a decent skater but tended to rush into his routines and make mistakes. He hadn’t made it to the Grand Prix yet, to no one’s shock. 

After the first group, Minami was in the lead and Guillaume was up next. He raced over to the rink, with his coach trailing behind him. 

“He’s so hyper,” Yuri complained out loud. He was lucky Lilia and Yakov were distracted, having a quiet argument. Only Otabek was there. He nodded in agreement. 

Minami walked past them and flashed the two skaters a big smile. “Ganbatte, Yuri. Ganbatte, Otabek.” Otabek nodded and Yuri didn’t give him any acknowledgment. Why he said “good luck” in Japanese, he never understood. 

There was a TV near them and Yuri turned his attention to it. Guang-Hong and Leo were standing nearby as well, watching the other skater. The younger skater attempted a triple axel but fell on the ice. 

“Oh no,” Guang-Hong said. 

“He rushed into it,” Otabek commented, “He didn’t have enough speed to complete the jump.”

“That’s why he doesn’t do well,” Yuri agreed. 

“Otabek, it’s time,” his coach called. Both skaters looked at him and then at each other. 

“Davai,” Yuri said immediately. Otabek gave him a thumbs up and walked towards the rink. During the 2016 Grand Prix, they started this routine. One would say “Davai” and the other would give him a thumbs up. It was a tradition three years running now. 

The French skater finished his routine and got off the ice. Yuri watched Otabek step onto the ice on the screen. Then it cut away from him to show Guillaume and his coach in the kiss and cry. His score was 78.85. Unsurprisingly, he was in last place. He looked pretty upset by the news. 

Yuri just wanted the camera to cut back to Otabek. He wanted to see how his friend was doing. 

Unfortunately, his routine had already started and they were still on the kiss and cry. Yuri could hear the music. 

“Yuri, let’s go,” Lilia said. Guang-Hong and Leo turned their heads towards her.

“Coming,” Yuri replied.

“Good luck,” Guang-Hong said.

“Good luck,” Leo said as well.

“Thanks,” Yuri replied. 

At least by being in the rink, he could watch the end of Otabek’s performance. His friend was a great skater. Just as Yuri stepped into the rink, Otabek landed a triple flip. The audience applauded loudly. Yuri couldn’t help but smile. He was proud of his friend.

The music was ending and Otabek was in the center of the rink, doing his last pose. It appeared as though he was looking up to the heavens before he broke the pose, breathing heavily.

Yuri shrugged off his jacket, which Lilia took for him. He started to remove the guards from his skates when he heard the announcer, “And the score for Otabek Altin: 103.84. He is currently in first place.”

Yuri smiled at that. He got out on the ice, tuning out all of Yakov’s last minute advice. He looked to the kiss and cry where Otabek sat with his usual bear plushie in his arms. He seemed completely indifferent to the fact that he was in first. Even his coach was smiling more than him. 

“Yuri! Are you listening to me?” 

“Yeah,” Yuri lied. Yakov didn’t look even remotely convinced.

“Now skating, representing Russia, Yuri Plisetsky.” Whatever lecture Yuri was about to hear got postponed as he skated out to the center of the ice.

“Davai!” Yuri looked up to see Otabek on the edge of the rink, plushie in hand. Yuri gave him a cool thumbs up. 

Yuri’s short program was rigorous, as usual. He had two quads planned and all his jumps were in the second half. He’d been trying to build up his stamina but it seemed no one had the stamina of Yuuri Katsuki. The man was three years dead but still haunted the ice. 

Even Yuri’s music was fast paced. He’d been practicing this routine for months and had it perfect. Which was exactly how he skated it. It wasn’t like he ever got nervous at competitions.

Yakov and Lilia were stone faced as usual when he got off the ice. Sitting in the kiss and cry was awkward, as Yuri knew he had a lecture coming. He was just lucky Yakov hadn’t started it yet.

“The score for Yuri Plisetsky: 101:37. He is second place.”

Yuri smirked. He could work with that.

* * *

The next day, Yuri had no worries going into the free skate. The only person ahead of him was Otabek and as much as he liked his friend, he had no intentions of letting him win. 

Everyone was staring at Yuri as he walked in. Even Guang-Hong and Leo stopped their PDA to look at him. Yuri loved the attention. 

Minami was the first one to say something. “Yuri, your hair is amazing!” he said excitedly. 

Yuri smirked. “Thanks.” Lilia and Mila had taken an hour to finish the hairstyle. It involved a ridiculous number of braids that ended with his hair in an updo that left his hair at shoulder length. It was complicated and at first, he thought completely unnecessary but he liked that everyone was staring. This was definitely why he’d grown his hair out. 

Otabek and his coach were talking when he noticed Yuri. He looked surprised to say the least. His eyes widened and he stopped speaking in the middle of a sentence. His coach turned around to see what he was looking at. And that was at Yuri. That made him pretty happy.

“Yura, your hair,” Otabek said.

He hadn’t said it but Yuri knew it was meant to be a compliment. “Thank you.”

“Awww, how cute,” Mila said, “Yuri’s-”

“Shut up, hag,” Yuri snapped at her. She had to go and ruin his good mood. 

“Mila, you’re skating soon,” Yakov said. 

“Okay,” she replied. She slipped away, but not before winking at Yuri.  He hoped her blades would snap as she skated. 

“Should we go watch the women’s competition?” Otabek asked.

Yuri shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

Their competition wasn’t until the late afternoon so they spent the morning in the arena, watching all the women skate. The people around them whispered about them but no one tried to talk to them. It was a little annoying, but Yuri got to spend time with Otabek, which made things better. Mila ended up with silver, which was a little annoying to Yuri, especially since he spent the entirety of her performance critiquing her. Otabek had said nothing, just watched her skate. 

After the women’s skating, both men went back to their coaches for their competition. They went for their six minute warm up and after that, Guillaume was up first. With the exception of Guang-Hong, who was up next, the rest of the skaters watched him on a TV. Despite being in last, the younger skater had a big smile on his face. The audience was captivated by him the moment he started his program. And Yuri had to admit, this one was much better than his short program. 

Leo disappeared during the program, probably to go wish his boyfriend luck or to get ready for his own program. 

“Yuri.” He turned around to see Mila and some of the other female skaters coming up towards them. 

“Yuri, your hair!” one of the women squeaked. Several others nodded in agreement. Yuri smiled at them. 

“Congratulations,” Otabek said politely. 

“You were amazing,” Minami added. 

“Thank you,” Mila said with a smile and a light blush across her cheeks.

“Did Yakov chew you out for falling during that combination?” Yuri asked.

“Yeah. He can be so mea-Yuri, did you watch me skate?” Mila seemed surprised. 

“Yeah,” Yuri said.

“Oh! I didn’t know you cared.”

“What else was there to do? The ice was taken by a hag.” Minami seemed shocked that Yuri would say something like that. Otabek didn’t even blink. 

And Mila laughed. “Aww, Yuri. That’s so sweet.” Minami seemed really confused now. The other female skaters giggled and like some sort of obnoxious high school clique, and walked away together.

“Minami, it’s almost time,” his coach said.

“Right, coming,” Minami replied. He looked at Yuri and Otabek and said, “Good luck to you both.”

“Good luck,” Otabek replied and Yuri said the same. Then Minami ran off, leaving Otabek and Yuri alone. 

Leo was on screen at the moment, going through his short program. He had definitely improved in the last three years, so much so that he’d earned himself a spot in the Grand Prix final in 2018. 

“He’s good,” Otabek commented. 

“Not as good as we are,” Yuri replied without thinking.

Otabek turned to him and Yuri looked back. “What?”

“Thank you,” Otabek said with a small smile. Yuri didn’t know why but he heart started beating really fast. He wasn’t getting sick or something, was he?

“You’re welcome,” he replied quickly and looked at the screen. They watched Leo perform a quadruple salchow triple salchow combination beautifully. He was definitely good. And as he walked away from the performance in first place, he was the person to beat. 

Minami had just started his routine when Yakov called Yuri away. 

“Davai,” Otabek said immediately. Yuri gave him a thumbs up as he walked away. Yakov gave him some last minute advice as they walked into the rink. Yuri unzipped his jacket, exposing the red costume he wore underneath. He liked this one, it was eye catching. He even had matching hair ties in his hair. As soon as his jacket came off, everyone in the nearby vicinity was staring at him. Yuri loved the attention. No one would be able to look away from him on the ice.

The audience was clapping along to Minami’s song. Yuri had to admit, he had good presence on the ice. But it was nothing he wouldn’t overcome. 

Minami finished in second. Yuri got onto the ice and, as expected, all eyes were on him. The music started and he began his routine. 

The program he’d done three years previously to Allegro Appassionato in B minor was a tough routine. But Yuri had only been building up the complexity of his routines since. Viktor Nikiforov was known for his quad flip. Yuuri Katsuki was known for his step sequences. Yuri wanted to be known for something too. And one day he would beat that asshole J.J. And the only way to do that was to have four quads in his routine, two of which were in the second half. He wanted to push himself as far as he could go. 

When the routine finished, Yuri was completely out of breath. The audience roared. Offerings were being thrown onto the ice and Yuri couldn’t help but smile. He found a cat plushie he liked and then got off the ice. 

He was sitting in the kiss and cry, waiting for his score when he noticed Otabek approach the ice. He slid his jacket off and Yuri felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Otabek had a tight, completely form fitting costume on. It was black and covered most of his skin, except for a few areas with see through mesh. Yuri could see the hard muscles of his stomach through the mesh, as well as parts of his arms. He could feel himself blushing but he could not look away. 

_ Shit. _

“Yuri,” Yakov said. 

“What?” Yuri asked but then figured it out. His score had been posted while he was drooling over his best friend. He was in first place. 

“Great,” he said but he sounded unenthusiastic. He left the kiss and cry as quickly as possible and watched Otabek skate away from him to the center of the rink. The back of the costume was mesh as well. Yuri was amazed at how much he enjoyed the view. He knew he was attracted to guys but he’d never realized just how attractive Otabek was. 

“Beka! Davai!” Yuri shouted. 

Otabek looked ready to start. He was already posed for the beginning of his piece. But, with an intense expression, he broke the pose to give Yuri a thumbs up. And then he started. 

Yuri could not tear his gaze away from the man on the ice. Otabek just looked amazing as he skated. Every jump seemed flawless. His routine was amazing. Even when Yakov called for him, Yuri didn’t move. He barely even blinked during the entire performance. He felt something in his throat, but he didn’t know whether it was a tickle or his heart. 

When Otabek posed at the end of the routine, the audience went absolutely wild. Offerings rained down on the ice. Otabek panted, exhausted from the routine. He wasn’t smiling, still wearing his usual stone faced expression. People screamed his name, they stood to applaud him. He was amazing.

Yuri coughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed it. I'll be updating Mondays and Thursdays until it's complete. See you next Monday.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuri spent the eighteen hour plane ride completely conscious and repeating the mantra “I am not in love with my best friend” in his head. He couldn't even listen to Otabek’s playlist; he was too absorbed in his thoughts. The stewardess had asked if he was okay and he said he was before going back to the mantra. He couldn’t be in love with Otabek. He only had one good friend and he couldn’t lose him to a stupid crush. He didn’t move when Mila leaned on him in her sleep, not even when she drooled on his shoulder. He didn’t even notice. He was far too busy freaking out.

But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the image of Otabek in that costume out of his head. He’d even done a google search to find pictures of him in it, as he’d been too busy staring while he was on the ice and Otabek put his jacket back on as soon as he was off it. And when they’d stood on the podium and his jacket was off again, replaced with a gold medal around his neck, Yuri just had to stare forward. It took quite a lot of effort to not look at Otabek but he managed it. He hoped his friend hadn’t noticed his odd behavior. 

Once the plane had landed, everyone collected their things and went to get a taxi. Mila got one by herself and Yuri went back to the apartment he shared with Yakov and Lilia. The car ride was as fun as ever as no one talked. 

When they finally arrived at the apartment, it wasn’t soon enough. Yuri rushed off to his room as soon as they arrived. It was a mess that Yuri only added to by throwing his luggage in and not unpacking it. He flopped down on his bed and opened his phone. It opened on his google search, on a particularly nice picture of Otabek throwing a thumbs up to his right. Yuri knew that was at him. It was a really good shot too. He saved the picture. He was tempted to make it his background but that would just be weird. He was not in love with his best friend. He coughed into his arm and went back to looking at his phone.

Despite the fact that Yuri hadn’t slept on the flight, he felt perfectly fine. And the only thing that would make relaxing better was his cat, Sasha. But she wasn’t in the apartment. 

Yuri left his room and grabbed his shoes.

“Where are you going?” Yakov asked.

“I’m going to visit Grandpa,” Yuri replied as he put on his coat and he was out the door. He didn’t mind the walk to his grandfather’s apartment as it was close by. And although Yuri could drive, he didn’t have a car so he had to walk. Nikolai had relocated from Moscow to St. Petersburg when Yuri was younger so he could train under Yakov. He’d stayed in the area even when Yuri moved in with Lilia and Yakov. 

Yuri was there within a few minutes and unlocked the door with his key. He couldn’t see his grandfather as soon as he walked.

“Grandpa? Are you here?” Yuri called in as he took off his coat. 

“I’ll be right there, Yurochka,” he called back. 

Sasha walked out from the kitchen towards the living room. She stopped to look at Yuri.

“Sasha, I’m back,” Yuri said with a smile. She ignored that and continued to head towards her favorite couch. 

“I don’t think so,” Yuri said, as he ran over and scooped his cat into his arms. Sasha meowed indignantly and struggled in his arms but Yuri didn’t let up. “You haven’t seen me in a week. Give me two minutes.”

But Sasha clearly didn’t love the affection so Yuri let her go. Yuri had gotten Sasha after poor Potya passed away. She was still a young cat and a bit of a bitch but Yuri loved her. 

She jumped to the floor and scampered over to her favorite spot on the sofa where she curled into a little ball. She’d only been there a week but that one spot was covered in her fur. Not that Yuri was surprised. That had always been her favorite spot, even when he’d lived with his grandfather, which he hadn’t done for over three years. He felt the urge to cough and covered his mouth. Sasha looked offended at the noise he made.

“What?” Yuri asked her. She looked at him for a moment and then started grooming herself. 

“Yurochka?” 

“Grandpa?” Yuri got up and ran over to his grandfather to hug him. He used to jump on him when he was younger, but between his grandfather’s bad back and Yuri’s weight increase since he was fifteen, those days were gone. But he was still affectionate with his grandfather.

“I watched the competition,” he said, “You were very good, Yurochka. A silver medal is something to be proud of.”

“Thanks, Grandpa.”

His grandfather laughed. “I was just making Pirozhki.”

“You knew I was coming?” Yuri asked.

“You told me when your flight was and I knew you’d be around soon after for Sasha.” They both looked to the cat, who was currently cleaning her genitals. She looked at them for a moment before going back to grooming. 

“Sit down,” Nikolai continued, “It will be ready in a few moments.”

“Let me help, Grandpa,” Yuri said, moving towards the kitchen with him. 

“No. It’s fine, Yurochka. You must be tired after your flight.” Otabek in his costume, posed on the ice, giving him a thumbs up flashed in Yuri’s mind. He’d thought of nothing else on that flight. He coughed into his sleeve.

“Are you getting sick?” his grandfather asked from the kitchen.

“It’s probably just a cold,” Yuri replied, sitting down at the kitchen table. It only sat two. After the deaths of Yuri’s parents, it was just the two of them. As far as Yuri knew, he didn’t have any other relatives. 

True to his word, his grandfather finished up the Pirozhki within a few minutes and they both sat down to have them. 

“Tell me about your competition,” his grandfather said.

_ “Beka! Davai!” _ Yuri could feel the blush on his cheeks. He was  _ not _ in love with his best friend. 

“It was fine,” Yuri said, “I ended up in second and I still have one competition to go. Yakov was pleased, at least.”

“How is he? I have not seen him in a while.”

“He’s-” Yuri was interrupted by his own coughing. It was a dry cough that lasted several seconds.

“Are you catching a cold?” His grandfather asked

“Maybe,” Yuri replied. But he didn't linger on it. “Yakov’s doing fine. He constantly yells at me. Lilia tortures me. It's all normal.” 

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking and trying to coax Sasha into her cat carrier so Yuri could take her home. Yuri won that battle with a few scratches and a disgruntled cat in a carrier but he had won. It was dark out when he said goodbye to his grandfather and headed back home.

* * *

Yuri didn’t sleep that night either. He thought jet lag would eventually take over and force him to sleep but it never did. He knew it was creepy as hell as he looked up videos of Otabek’s performance on Youtube. There were plenty, with many people commenting on how hot he looked and how wonderful his performance was. 

Yuri coughed again. He was definitely getting sick. He’d had a tickle in his throat all day. He wanted something to suck on to soothe his throat but if Yakov caught him with a lollipop, he’d be dead. And as far as he knew, they didn’t have any cough drops. 

Determined, Yuri got out of bed. Sasha meowed, complaining about being woken up. Yuri ignored her and opened his bedroom door. It was dark as it was pretty late. Yuri could hear Yakov snoring down the hall. In Lilia’s room. When they’d all moved in together, Yakov and Lilia had separate rooms but over the course of three years, they seemed to work through their problems. Yuri decided he was going to ignore the implications of Yakov in Lilia’s room and moved as quietly as he could to the bathroom. 

After rummaging through the cabinet, he couldn’t find any cough drops so he went to the kitchen instead. Yuri felt the urge to cough which he tried to suppress. He didn’t want to wake Lilia and Yakov up. As quietly as he could, he looked through the kitchen but there were no cough drops to be found. He was disappointed and decided he’d get some the next day, provided he didn’t feel any better.

Yuri was about to walk back to his room when he heard a bell. “Sasha,” he said to himself. Sure enough, his cat trotted into the living room. She looked at him for a moment before walking over to her food bowl. Yuri sighed but didn’t want to stop her. If she was hungry, she should eat. The only problem was that she always spent the night in his room and she would probably contaminate the couch with her fur if left out overnight. Lilia objected to her shedding on the furniture. It was a struggle enough to get a cat into the apartment so Yuri was careful to make sure the furriest room in the apartment was his own.

“Are you finished?” he asked impatiently. Sasha ignored him to keep eating. Yuri decided that if he had to wait for her to finish, then maybe he could look for cough syrup instead. He turned away from the hallway and coughed into his arm. It was an annoying dry cough and felt completely unproductive. He hated getting sick.

He quietly walked down the hallway and back into the bathroom. He rifled through the cabinet and found some cough syrup. He smuggled the bottle back into the kitchen to measure out what he’d need. Sasha was  _ still _ eating. Yuri was sure he didn’t fill up her bowl that much. 

Yuri swallowed the medicine as quickly as possible. It tasted nasty but he couldn’t skate with a cough. Sasha finished her food and was heading over to the couch, the bell on her collar ringing in time to her movements.

“You wish,” Yuri said and picked her up. She meowed to be put down but Yuri wasn’t going to do it. He turned off the light in the kitchen and walked back to the bathroom. He put the bottle back and turned out the light there too. Then he walked back to his own dark room and closed the door. Sasha jumped out of his arms. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust back to the darkness. Then he managed to navigate his way back to his bed. He lay down and opened his phone again. Otabek was now his background. Yuri took a deep breath before coughing. 

He was not in love with his best friend.

* * *

He was  _ not _ in love with his best friend. And to prove it, he did a quadruple salchow. It was a clean landing but, as usual, Yakov had something to say about it. Yuri wanted to be perfect at the next event. He was competing in the Trophée de France and while that competition wasn’t for a while, he wanted to come in first. 

It had been a few days since he’d landed back in St. Petersburg and things had mostly gone back to normal. Except for the fact that Yuri had already finished the bottle of cough syrup. Lilia had been concerned when she found the empty bottle in the trash, especially since Yuri was still coughing so much. She hadn’t suggested that he take some time off to get better and he wouldn’t have if she’d offered anyway. This was the year he was coming in first in the Grand Prix final and he had to practice to be able to do it. 

“Take it from the beginning,” Yakov shouted. 

Yuri took a few deep breaths and started the routine again. This cold was annoying him so much. He was gaining speed for a jump when he stopped himself, nearly colliding with Mila. 

“Yuri, what are you doing?” Yakov asked. Yuri allowed himself to cough when he’d finally stopped, bringing his hands over his mouth. His lungs hurt. 

“Are you okay, Yuri?” Mila asked.

Yuri felt something fall into his hand. His heart started beating fast. Not moving his hands, he skated to the edge of the rink. His skate guards were right there and he snapped them on with one hand and then sprinted to the bathroom. He knew he must have looked crazy but he didn’t care. 

Once the stall door was locked, Yuri pulled his hand away from his face carefully. And his worst fear was confirmed. 

In his palm was a small yellow petal. It was only one but it was enough. He had Hanahaki Disease. That was why he’d been feeling so awful. 

Of course this meant only one thing. Yuri was most definitely in love with his best friend. There was no one else. It had to be Otabek. Which meant that Yuri’s love was unrequited. 

Yuri took a few deep breaths. He would be okay. Just because he had Hanahaki Disease didn’t mean he couldn’t compete. It was still in the very early stages. And he knew he could get Otabek to fall in love with him. He’d have to; his life depended on it. 

Yuri let the petal fall into the toilet and then flushed it down the drain. He couldn’t let anyone know. He could deal with this. He could totally deal with this.

He was in love with his best friend.

_ Shit. _

* * *

Yuri went to the doctor’s the next day. While he certainly had the symptoms, he said there was nothing he could do until Yuri got a chest x-ray. So Yuri got another appointment for two weeks later and was told to go about his business. Not like he was a professional athlete who needed his lungs in perfect working order or anything. 

Yuri kept up with his practices, carefully trying not to let anyone know about his disease. They noticed him coughing but he could just shrug it off as a cold and no one said anything. The problem was that it was a long cold. Eventually, they would notice that.

Five days after the doctor’s appointment, Yuri was relaxing in his room, checking Instagram. He followed most of the competitive skaters, with a few exceptions. After Leo and Guang-Hong got together, they mostly posted pictures of each other being cute. Yuri was sixteen when Leo posted a picture of Guang-Hong asleep without a shirt and that was the final straw. Yuri unfollowed both of them. Of course, the other skaters kept him well informed about their relationship, which wasn’t too bad. He could live with it.

He refreshed the site and a picture of Otabek caught his eye. He was practicing his free program in the picture. Yuri could recognize the pose he was in at any time. He might have the whole routine memorized after watching it too many times on Youtube. In the corner, Yuri could see one brown eye and a mess of black hair. The caption said, “He’s practicing so hard.  ☺ ”

Yuri was pretty sure the person in the picture was Otabek’s little sister, Aliya. And his theory was confirmed a few moments later when another picture was posted. Otabek looked displeased in this one and it was captioned, “When your brother catches you posting on his Instagram XD”. Yuri couldn’t help but laugh and liked that picture.

Then he sent Otabek a text.  _ Shouldn’t you be asleep? _

It was eight in St. Petersburg which meant it was eleven in Almaty. Otabek usually cut off their conversations at seven so he could get to sleep early. So why was he practicing so late?

Within a minute, Yuri’s phone vibrated with the text.  _ I’m practicing for the NHK Trophy. _

_ At 11? _

_ The rink is quieter. _

_ You got first in Skate America. You’ll be fine. _ Yuri hesitated a moment before sending the text. While it wasn’t a huge, obvious, gushy compliment, it still made him a little nervous. He coughed into his sweatshirt and then sent it. Sasha came over and batted at the petals. She seemed to like them. Yuri couldn’t help himself. He gathered up a few and held them over his cat. He let go and watched Sasha try and pounce on them. Maybe it was morbid but at least Sasha liked the game.

Yuri’s phone vibrated. 

_ I want to practice and make sure. _

_ You worry way too much. You’ve gotten into the Grand Prix final every year since 2016. You’ll be fine. _

_ ☺ _

Yuri couldn’t help but smile at the emoji. Then he got another message.

_ I’m heading back now. Good night, Yura. _

_ Night Beka. _

Yuri was smiling so much his cheeks hurt. His heart was beating fast. He loved this. He loved their conversations and chatting and even teasing him a little. 

Yuri coughed up several more petals. This, he did not like. This, he could do without. He needed to get that chest x-ray as soon as possible.

* * *

“Definitely Hanahaki,” the doctor said. Yuri knew it was Hanahaki. After all, he coughing up petals at all hours of the day. But it still felt like a punch to the gut to be diagnosed. 

“Have you considered the surgery?” his doctor asked. 

Yuri was speechless. Normally he could come up with something sarcastic or cutting to say but he was quiet. He had a disease that would kill him. That had already killed so many people. It killed Viktor Nikiforov. It killed Yuuri Katsuki. He couldn’t die. He was only eighteen. 

“Mr. Plisetsky?” the doctor asked.

“Yes?” he asked but then coughed into his sleeve. His chest hurt so much. It felt like a bad cold but he knew it would get worse. 

“Your disease is still in the early stages. I’m writing you a prescription for your cough and for the plants themselves.” He handed Yuri two pieces of paper. “Just take that to your pharmacy. And know that these will not cure your disease. But you will survive longer and give you a better chance of having your love returned.”

Yuri nodded. This would help keep his illness hidden. The advancements in the last three years alone had been incredible. And only one high profile person had to die to get the research funded. 

“Based on the sample you gave us, the flower growing in your lungs is primrose. Now, do you have any questions, Mr. Plisetsky?”

“How long do I have to live?” Yuri asked. He felt like something was crushing him. 

“With the medications, progressing at the same rate, over a year I’d say. But it’s very important that you do not fall more in love. The faster you fall in love, the faster the disease will progress. So be careful.”

Yuri nodded again. What kind of shit advice was that?

“Do you know who you are in love with?”

Yuri nodded. He didn’t want to speak. 

“Then I would get started. Any other questions?”

Yuri shook his head. 

“Alright, well that’s about it. You can make another appointment with my secretary.”

Yuri stood up and walked out of the office. He made an appointment for a month later and left the place. It was dark when he walked out. He still had to walk to the pharmacy to drop off the prescription and then back to the apartment. 

It was cold in October. Yuri coughed into his sleeve and went to get what he needed. 

* * *

Yuri had to admit, the medicine was working. His lungs hurt but he was coughing much less, at the cost of more petals coming up when he did cough. But it was much easier to hide at practice and not even a problem at home. 

“Yuri, could I run my routine now?” Mila asked. 

Yuri completed his jump and looked at her oddly. “I need to practice too, hag.” 

“But I’m competing at the NHK trophy and I need the space,” Mila replied, “It’s in four days.”

“Yuri, let Mila have the ice,” Yakov yelled.

Yuri grumbled to himself as he got off the ice. He let his hair out of its bun and let it fall back in his face. He took out his phone instead and started going through Instagram. The first picture was of Sara and Michele Crispino smiling at the camera. It was captioned, “Looking forward to the NHK trophy.”

Mila skated close to the side of the rink where Yuri was. “Your girlfriend’s going to Japan,” Yuri said quietly. But Mila definitely heard because she messed up a step and sprawled out on the ground. He couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Mila, what are you doing?” Yakov sighed, “Try again.”

Mila gave Yuri a smug smile and skated back to the center of the rink. He couldn’t help but smirk back at her. 

The next picture down was something Otabek posted. It was just a picture of the rink at night without a caption. Then it hit Yuri like a ton of bricks. 

Otabek was going to compete at the NHK trophy.  Yuri could go too and then he’d have a chance to make Otabek fall in love with him. It was perfect. Otabek’s birthday was coming up at the end of the month so they could make a celebration of it. It was absolutely perfect.

Except for one little hold up. Yuri looked at Yakov, whose attention was focused on Mila. He’d have to convince his coach. Sure, Yuri could just go on his own; he was an adult after all. But having Yakov’s permission would make his life a hell of a lot easier. If he found out Yuri snuck off to Japan, without a good excuse, right before his own competition, Yakov would kill him a lot faster than the flowers in his lungs would. But Yuri couldn’t even begin to think of a good reason to go besides the truth, which he was not revealing yet. Not after what happened to Viktor when Yakov found out he had Hanahaki. 

Yuri got the chance that night when they were eating dinner. He’d been thinking about an excuse all day and finally had one. A weak one but he had one. 

There really wasn’t a good way to approach this. So he just said, “I want to go to the NHK trophy with you and Mila.”

Lilia and Yakov both looked surprised by that. 

“You have to practice your routine,” Yakov said, “Without Mila there, you won’t be fighting with her.”

“Why do you want to go?” Lilia asked. 

Yuri knew it was stupid as he spoke. But he had no other excuse. “I want to support Mila.”

They only looked surprised and not like they knew he was bullshitting them, which was a positive step.

“You hate Mila,” Yakov said, confused.

“I don’t hate her,” Yuri replied. That much was true. She annoyed the ever-living shit out of him but he didn’t hate her. “She’s like the older sister I never had.” That much was true too. Doesn’t mean he’d fly to Japan for her but if it got him closer to Otabek, he’d do it. 

Lilia and Yakov exchanged a glance. Yuri’s parents had died when he was young so he never really knew them, having been raised by his grandfather. In that moment, he truly felt that Yakov and Lilia were his parents. Especially since they were deciding whether or not he could go to Japan. 

“His routines are well done,” Lilia said and Yuri allowed himself to hope, “The extra practice will do him good but he has been doing well.”

“Is that why you’ve been practicing so much?” Yakov asked.

“Yes,” Yuri said. That was the first lie. He’d been practicing so he would get better at hiding his Hanahaki. The more he practiced with it, the more he could learn to deal with it. His routines were harder now but he could manage it. He could keep going. And he could totally use it as an excuse to get to Japan. 

“Alright, you can come,” Yakov said. Yuri smiled. He had done it. He was so happy! He could see Otabek! 

“But you will train twice as hard when you get back,” Lilia added.

“I will,” Yuri replied. He could barely believe it. He was going to Japan!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a kudos or comment if you're enjoying the story. This one is the longest by far so it'll be a good time. See you on Thursday.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuri could barely sit still the entire flight. Mila looked at him distastefully but he didn’t care. He was going to see Otabek again. It had only been three weeks but still! Yuri had even more of a reason to see him now that he was sick. 

The plane landed and Yuri was eager to get to the hotel. Due to him joining at such short notice, he’d have to share a room with Yakov but he didn’t care. He would also be watching Mila’s competitions but he could deal with that. He could put up with the act for Otabek.

As soon as they got to the hotel, Yuri took a selfie in front of it. He posted it to Instagram with the caption, “In Japan to watch the NHK trophy”. 

Yuri closed his phone and walked into the lobby with Mila and Yakov. He immediately noticed Jean-Jacques Leroy and his wife, Isabella checking in. Yuri recoiled in disgust. Yakov walked on ahead to check them all in. 

“What? You didn’t know he was competing too?” Mila asked.

Yuri would normally tell her to shut up but he was trying to pretend he liked her enough to go to Japan for her. So he just said, “No.” He pulled his hood over his head and tucked his long hair into it. One bad thing about his hair was that it was really noticeable. He coughed into his sleeve. 

Whether it was the hair or the cough, it didn’t matter as J.J. noticed him and walked over with Isabella. “Yuri, what are you doing here?” he asked, “Couldn’t wait until the Trophée de France to see me?” He sounded so pompous when he said the competition name with a thick French accent. Canadian bastard.

Yuri was very glad he didn’t have to pretend to like J.J. “Fuck off, J.J.” He coughed again, trying to hide the petals that fell out of his mouth. 

“Don’t be so rude, Yuri,” J.J. replied, a hand over his heart. Even Isabella looked annoyed with Yuri. “It’s terrible for someone as pretty as you to be so vulgar.”

Yuri felt the urge to punch him in the face but Yakov would never forgive him for that. “Listen here-”

“J.J., do you think I’m pretty too?” Mila asked innocently. Yuri gave her a weird look. What was she doing?

J.J. seemed caught off guard by her question. “Of course you are.”

“Then today, you’re gonna hear two pretty people tell you to fuck off. Come on, Yuri.” Mila grabbed Yuri’s hand and dragged him over to where Yakov was. It must have looked odd as Yuri was now taller than her but no one messed with Mila. Despite his increase in height and weight, she could still pick him up and proved it every so often. 

“Why did you do that?” Yuri asked once they were out of earshot. 

“Because I know how much you hate him,” Mila said with a smile, “And maybe I owe you a little for coming to Japan to cheer me on.” 

That was a lie but Yuri couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks.”

“Mila!” Sara Crispino ran over to the two of them and threw her arms around Mila. The two women then kissed. 

Yuri looked at them with a disgusted expression. Maybe Mila had done him a favor but he didn’t have to watch her sucking face with her girlfriend. Yuri looked at Michele, who had the same expression he did. 

“Sara, we have to get to the rooms,” Michele said, trying to break them up. He’d chased off every guy in figure skating only for his sister to fall in love with a woman. The irony was hilarious. 

“Mickey, let me say hello to my girlfriend,” Sara scolded. 

“If that translated to words, I heard a lot more than ‘hello’,” Yuri commented.

“Yuri!” Mila said indignantly.

“He’s right,” Michele argued. 

Yuri didn’t feel drawn to Michele’s side but he was definitely on the side that meant Mila wasn’t making out with someone in front of him, which was currently Michele’s side. 

“I don’t say anything when you kiss your boyfriend,” Sara argued.

“We’re allowed to kiss each other,” Mila said.

“But who wants to see it?” Yuri asked.

“When did you join his side?” Sara said, turning on him.

“When-” Yuri cut himself off when the elevator doors opened and Otabek stepped out. His heart immediately started racing. His best friend looked good in his motorcycle jacket and black skinny jeans. He could even pull off the sunglasses indoors. Yuri felt like he was frozen in place by the sight of him. He must have been blind for three years to not notice just how attractive Otabek was. 

“Yura?” Otabek asked. He took off his sunglasses to get a better look.  

“Beka,” Yuri said and walked over to him. Yuri realized that he’d hidden his most recognizable feature and Otabek still noticed him immediately. He took off his hood.

“Hey, wait. Yuri,” Michele called after him.

“Looks like you’ve been abandoned,” Mila teased.

“What are you doing here?” Otabek asked, “You’re not competing in the NHK trophy.”

_ I have Hanahaki Disease because I’m in love with you. _ Yuri coughed instead of answering. Why was he coughing so much? He’d taken the medication. 

“I told Yakov that I came to cheer Mila on,” Yuri explained, “But I came to see you.”

Otabek looked surprised to hear that. “Why?”

“We’re friends, right?” Yuri replied, “Besides, your birthday is coming up. We can go sightseeing or something for it.” He tried to sound casual. He realized it was a weird thing to do, especially since their birthday wishes to each other tended to be a Skype call. Flying all the way to Japan for Otabek’s birthday went above and beyond and they both knew it. But it wasn’t like Yuri didn’t want Otabek to know. He wanted him to fall in love too. This was just the first step.

“Sure, let’s go sightseeing,” Otabek said. He even smiled. 

Yuri could feel himself blushing. Otabek had a beautiful smile and he only showed it to Yuri. It would be simple to get him to reciprocate his love.

“Yuri!” Yuri turned to look at Yakov, who looked at him impatiently.

“Yes, Yakov?” Yuri asked, more than a little annoyed that his time with Otabek was being interrupted. 

“We’re going to the rooms,” Yakov replied. 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Yuri said to Otabek.

“Go ahead. I’ll wait for you.”

Yuri got into the elevator with Mila and Yakov. 

Once the doors were closed, Mila said, “Yuri, why are you blushing? Do you have a crush-”

“Shut up, hag,” Yuri interrupted, forgetting momentarily that he was supposed to be nicer to Mila. 

“Enough teasing each other,” Yakov lectured as they arrived on their floor. Mila looked smugly at Yuri but didn’t say another word. Yuri pulled his hood up again, trying to block her view of his face. 

Mila got the room next to Yakov and Yuri’s. She disappeared inside and Yuri went into his room. He knew Yakov snored like a buzz saw so he was not looking forward to the next few nights. But he’d bought himself some earplugs before leaving Russia so he was prepared for that. 

What he was not prepared for was the fact that there was only one bed in the room.

“Oh, fuck no,” he said as quietly as he could. But apparently, Yakov felt the same as he immediately called the reception desk and argued with them for several minutes. Yuri took the time to make himself look presentable for Otabek. He coughed intermittently, debating whether he should take another pill to stop the cough. 

Yakov hung up the phone just as Yuri finished braiding his hair. It looked clean and would keep out of his way. 

“They don’t have any more rooms available,” Yakov said. The result of that went unspoken; Yuri and Yakov would be sharing a bed for the entirety of the competition. 

“Okay, then,” Yuri replied, “I’m going out for a while.”

For once, Yakov didn’t protest and just let Yuri go. Once Yuri was outside the room, he allowed himself to curse as much as he wanted, in both English and Russian. He got into the elevator still muttering to himself. It totally sucked. But he just had to think of his goal. If he successfully seduced Otabek, it was worth it. 

Otabek was still in the lobby when Yuri arrived.  He had his eyes on the elevator, hidden by his sunglasses. Yuri stepped out and Otabek walked towards him. 

“Sorry to make you wait,” Yuri said.

“It’s fine,” Otabek replied, “Where to?”

“I don’t know,” Yuri said, “I don’t really know what’s in Tokyo.”

After a few minutes browsing the internet, they found some places that seemed interesting. Otabek wanted to visit Tokyo Tower and Yuri found some interesting shopping districts so they started off together. 

The city was a lot bigger than Yuri expected. He should have assumed they would have to use public transportation to get to Tokyo Tower but it took several blocks of walking before they decided to find a cab. 

Once the two arrived, they immediately decided to go to the observation deck and look around the city. There were several other tourists there, many of whom were having conversations in their own native languages. But Yuri didn’t pay any attention to them. All he could look at was Otabek. He was standing near the window, watching the city around them. He was smiling a small smile that the public infrequently saw. But Yuri saw it all the time. He just looked happy to be there and Yuri couldn’t help but smile too. His heart was beating fast. His lungs hurt.

“Beka,” Yuri said but the rest of his sentence was cut off by a cough. Otabek looked at him with concern but Yuri waved it off. He collected all the petals in his hand and immediately shoved them in his pocket. “Let’s take a picture.”

“Are you alright?” Otabek asked. 

“Yeah, fine. I wanna beat Phichit for likes on Instagram. He’s competing at the NHK Trophy right?”

“Y-yes,” Otabek seemed to be caught off guard by Yuri slinging an arm around him and holding his phone up.

“Smile for me, Beka,” Yuri said. He took the picture. He was surprised by how good it was. Yuri had a big grin, Otabek was smiling that small private smile that Yuri sometimes got to see, and Tokyo was clearly visible in the background. It was a great picture. While Otabek enjoyed the view, Yuri enjoyed a different view, and made the new picture his new background. Then he posted it to Instagram while tagging Otabek. He knew it would blow up soon so he locked his phone and went back to his friend. 

“So you  _ are _ a fan of heights,” Yuri commented. 

“I don’t have a problem with them,” Otabek replied, “You don’t see a view like this often.”

“So you’re not scared of heights, ride a motorcycle, clearly no stage fright. Do you have any fears at all?”

“Everyone is afraid of something, Yura.”

“I guess so,” Yuri replied. After all, his biggest fear at the moment was that his disease would kill him before Otabek would love him.

After Tokyo Tower, Yuri wanted to go to some of the shopping districts. They got instructions on where to go and started to walk. After half an hour of following the instructions to the letter, they seemingly were no closer to their destination. Yuri coughed into his hand and stuck the petals inside his jacket pocket, which was filling up fast. 

“Those directions were terrible,” Yuri complained. They stopped at an intersection and waited for the light to change. Next to them, two girls were chatting excitedly in Japanese. They were clearly looking in their direction.

Whether it was because the girls recognized them as famous figure skaters or because of Yuri’s long blond braid, he had no idea. But he put his hood up again and tucked his hair into it. The girls ended up walking in another direction and Yuri felt more at ease. 

“We must have gone the wrong way,” Otabek said. 

“I guess,” Yuri replied. He looked it up on his phone only to find it was not within walking distance. At that point, it was starting to get dark. They took a cab back to the hotel, where a crowd of skaters had gathered. Mila noticed them first.

“We’re going to dinner. Wanna come with us?” she asked. 

“Want to go, Yura?” Otabek asked. 

“Not really, but I should,” Yuri replied, “Do you want to?”

“Sure.”

Their group was certainly mismatched. Seung-Gil was always so quiet so it was surprising he joined them. Phichit was chatting with several of the skaters at once. One of the female skaters seemed extremely interested in what he had to say. Mila and Sara were ignoring everyone else, much to the chagrin of Michele. Guillaume was there too, happily talking the ear off anyone who would listen. It seemed as though the only skater who was missing was J.J., which no one minded at all. 

They eventually found a restaurant where they would be able to communicate with the staff. With a party of twelve, it was pretty crowded, as well as loud. But Yuri sat next to Otabek, which made him happier. Except he had Guillaume on his other side, and since they were close in age, he seemed to think that Yuri wanted to be friends with him. 

They all ordered and then started talking amongst themselves. Yuri quietly checked his Instagram only to find an enormous amount of likes and comments on it. 

“Hey, Beka,” he said, and leaned over to his friend, “They really liked the picture.” Just scrolling through the first few comments were amazing. While most were emojis and the like, several complimented Yuri’s appearance and Otabek’s smile. 

Otabek smiled at the picture too. “It’s a good picture.” 

“Right? I knew my followers would-”

“What’s a good picture?” Guillaume asked, leaning towards Yuri to see his phone. Yuri leaned even closer to Otabek to get away from him. 

“Back off,” Yuri replied. 

“Yuri, you’re practically in Otabek’s lap,” Mila teased. Yuri looked over his shoulder to see Otabek looked slightly flustered. Some of the skaters had noticed and were chuckling to themselves. Yuri could feel himself blushing and returned to his seat. He’d just push Guillaume off his chair if he came close again. 

“So what are you doing here, Yuri?” Phichit asked, “You’re not competing.”

“He came to support me,” Mila said before Yuri could answer, “Isn’t he sweet?” The women all agreed in unison. 

“I’m always there to support you, Sara,” Michele said.

“Mickey, I told you to stop watching my performances years ago,” Sara remarked. 

Their food arrived very quickly and every started to eat. Yuri didn’t feel very hungry. He just wanted to cough up all the petals in his lungs. He didn’t understand why it was so bad. 

Otabek seemed to notice and asked Yuri, “Is your food alright?”

“It’s fine,” Yuri replied, “Just not too hungry.”

“Do you want to try some of mine?” 

Yuri’s face lit on fire. What kind of question was that? It was like they were on a date or something! But Otabek couldn’t love him or he wouldn’t be sick. 

“Something wrong, Yuri?” Mila asked in a singsong. Of course she’d notice.

“It’s fine,” Yuri hissed at her. He took a bite of his food.

“We need to take a picture,” Phichit said, “I need something to beat out Yuri’s recent upload.”

Yuri started choking on his food. He hadn’t expected Phichit to mention the picture in front of everyone. He immediately grabbed a napkin and started to cough into it. At least then all the petals would be caught.

“Are you alright?” Otabek asked. 

Yuri nodded as he coughed, trying to keep the petals contained. 

“What picture?” One of the women asked. Phichit showed her the picture on his phone. “Awww. You two look so cute together.”

Some of the other skaters came over to look. They all agreed. 

“You make a good couple!” another woman said.

Yuri felt like he was gonna burn to death from the strength of his blush. Even Otabek was blushing. However, he apparently still had power over his own mind and said, “Yuri and I are friends.”

That felt like a stab to the gut. Here, he loved Otabek, was so in love with him he was sick, and all he thought of them was that they were  _ friends _ ? It was discouraging but Yuri had to work through it. His options were that, forget Otabek entirely, or die, and he definitely favored one option over the others.

“Well, are we gonna take a picture?” Phichit asked. He even had the selfie stick ready. After some quiet consultation, the group consented. They all leaned in, smiling at the camera, as Phichit took the picture. It took few several minutes to write the caption and tag everyone in the picture. Yuri got the notification and had to admit, it was a good picture. Not as good as the one that was his phone’s background but still good.

“I’m glad to have a group photo,” Guillaume said with a smile.

“Hey, what’s everyone doing here?” J.J. asked. All twelve people turned to look at him and his wife. “Did you just forget to invite us?”

The skaters gave no reply, just looking at each other awkwardly. J.J. didn’t seem remotely bothered by the fact that everyone was invited except for him. 

Amazingly, it was Seung-Gil who spoke first. “I need to be in bed early for the competition tomorrow.” He got to his feet and started to walk away.

Otabek was the next to stand. “Me as well.”

“I’ll go with you,” Yuri said. Everyone offered similar excuses and within half a minute, they’d all cleared out of the restaurant. 

“Where are you going?” J.J. asked as they left but everyone ignored him. They all walked back to the hotel together and said their goodbyes in the lobby. Everyone had to go to bed early, except for Yuri of course but he did anyway. It was worth it, he had to remind himself. It was for Otabek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have some fun anecdotes. Two things that happened to Yuri in this chapter happened to me. When the skater said Yuri and Otabek were a good couple, that skater was my roommate telling my boyfriend and I that we were a cute couple, two weeks before we started dating. And when Otabek offered Yuri his food, that happened to me on my first date, where my boyfriend played the role of Otabek and I played the role of Yuri, freakout and all. Writing that scene was pretty easy.   
> Anyway, thank you for reading. Please leave a kudos or comment to make an author feel loved. See you on Monday. :D


	4. Chapter 4

Yuri yawned. He couldn’t stop himself. It was a miracle he was conscious, and not falling asleep in his breakfast.

“Didn’t you sleep well?” Mila asked with a smile.

“No,” Yuri replied sleepily. He’d been kept up most of the night by Yakov’s snoring, which not even his earplugs could block. He’d tried to listen to music, put a pillow over his head, even move to the floor to try and get away but nothing worked. He’d only gotten spotty sleep the entire night. He was just glad he didn’t have to perform, because that would be a disaster.

He wanted to take a nap, but there was no way he was missing Otabek’s performance later that afternoon. And since his excuse for being there was Mila, he had to watch her performance too. So he would just be exhausted for the day.

“You must really love me Yuri, if you’re braving Yakov’s snoring for three nights.”

Yuri loved someone but it definitely wasn’t her. Still worth it though. “Sure.”

Mila giggled and helped herself to some food. Yuri took the opportunity to cough into a napkin. His medication wasn’t working anymore and he had no idea why. He’d have to go back to the doctor once he got back to Russia.

He didn’t see any of the skaters at the breakfast but they quickly headed over to the rink. Although Yuri kept his eyes out for Otabek, he didn’t see him in the crowd. Not that he had to be there early; after all he wasn’t performing until the afternoon.

Still, Yuri was disappointed as the women’s competition started. He sat with Michele, who was aggressively cheering for his sister. Yuri and a few other spectators had to tell him to chill the fuck out, as it was only the six minute warm up. Yuri wasn’t thrilled to be sitting next to him.

“Hey, Michele,” Yuri said, trying to distract him a bit, “Did Emil ever tell you what it was like to have Hanahaki?”

Michele looked confused. “Yeah, some. Why do you ask?”

Shortly after Yuuri Katsuki died, it was revealed that Emil had Hanahaki Disease too, just not as advanced yet. He tried to be positive and his Instagram was covered in pictures of him with yellow carnation petals. He’d said that even though his flower meant denial and not noticing, he claimed it wasn’t him who was in denial and wasn’t noticing. Only after he was hospitalized and dying did Michele realize he loved him too. Three years later, they were still dating. Despite the fact that everyone thought Michele would stop being so overprotective of Sara after he got a date, he continued to tear down every man who came near her. Except Mila was no man and won her heart.

“No reason,” Yuri lied, “Was it hard for you?”

“Knowing that he’d almost died for me? Yeah. Maybe I knew earlier but I never did anything about it. I thought he loved Sara, not me.”

Yuri nodded, encouraging him to continue.

Michele was a fucking idiot.

“There’s not much else to say. I guess, when someone almost dies for you, you realize-”

“First on the ice, representing Italy, Sara Crispino.” Michele’s attention immediately went to the ice and Yuri knew he wasn’t going to get anything else out of him.

They watched the women’s competition together without saying much more.

When Mila entered the rink, Yuri screamed, “Davai!” She noticed him and smiled, even giving him a little wave. And then she achieved her personal best and was in first place going into the free program. The men’s competition started after that so Michele left Yuri in the stands.

Shortly after, Mila joined Yuri. He looked at her oddly as she took a seat with him.

“What are you doing here?” Yuri asked.

“I decided to watch the competition. Is that a crime?” she replied.

“Isn’t your girlfriend somewhere around here? Can’t you sit with her?”

“She doesn’t watch when her brother performs anymore. So I’ll watch with you.”

“Whatever.”

Seung-Gil was the first person on the ice. His song was so slow; Yuri could feel his lack of sleep catching up with him. Otabek wasn’t going to skate until the second half.  He could totally tune out until then.

A few seconds later, a loud rock song jolted Yuri awake. “What is that?” he asked.

“J.J.,” Mila replied, pointing at the ice. Sure enough, Yuri saw J.J. skating in a hideous yellow costume. Yuri could feel his blood boiling. Of course that bastard was skating to an obnoxious rock song.

“When did Seung-Gil finish?”

“Three programs ago.”

“What?!”

“You fell asleep on my shoulder.” Mila smiled at him.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Yuri asked.

“Because I know how tired you are. It’s okay, Yuri. You didn’t drool on me.”

Yuri would have been happier if he had. Then it hit him. “Who’s gone?”

“Seung-Gil, then Michele, Guillaume, and Phichit. Otabek’s next.” She gave him a smug look. “Were you worried you’d missed your boyfriend’s program?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, you hag.” Not yet anyway. Yuri coughed into his hand.

J.J.’s program didn’t end soon enough. And, no surprise to anyone, he was in first place. But Yuri wasn’t paying attention to the kiss and cry. He only had eyes for the Kazakhstani skater on the ice.

Yuri stood and yelled, “Beka! Davai!”

Otabek’s eyes immediately met his own and he gave him a thumbs up. Yuri couldn’t help but smile and sat back down in his seat.

“Not your boyfriend, huh?”

“Shut _up_ , hag.”

Yuri couldn’t take his eyes off Otabek for the entirety of his short program. He was so amazing. His presence on the ice just captivated the audience. Yuri couldn’t help but fall in love with him.

The day ended with J.J. in first and Otabek in fourth place. Yuri thought the judges were stupid as sin for giving him such a low score but it was done. Besides, Yuri knew what Otabek’s free program looked like. There was no way he wouldn’t take first again.

* * *

Yuri decided that he had three options. He was as close to the edge of the bed as he could be without falling out with earplugs in his ears and the pillow folded around his head. Yakov’s snoring was still clear as day and Yuri felt like he was gonna go insane. So he had three options. One: he could smother himself with the pillow. But he wasn’t going to do that. Two: he could smother Yakov with the pillow. But he didn’t want to go to jail, especially in a foreign country. And he kinda needed the coach to win at the Grand Prix. Somewhat. Only a little. Besides, some of the other skaters would be upset. Three: he could leave the room. And after putting on a jacket and his sneakers, that was exactly what he did.  

He wasn’t sure where to go. Eventually, he decided on the roof. He could probably get a good picture at least.

The elevator doors open and Yuri expected to be alone. It was pretty late, already past midnight and most people in the hotel were either competing or coaching a competitor. So he was surprised to see someone standing by the fence, looking at the view.

“Beka?” Yuri asked. He could recognize his friend anywhere, even when it was dark out.

Otabek immediately turned around. He had also apparently crawled out of bed to go to the roof as he was still in his pajamas. He wore the motorcycle jacket over a tee shirt with three bears on it and flannel pajama bottoms. Yuri decided in that moment that it wasn’t going to be Yakov’s snoring that would kill him, it would be Otabek obliviously dressing like that and expecting Yuri to pretend he wasn’t hopelessly in love with him. Yuri coughed into his sleeve.

“Yura?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Yuri said, “Why are you here?” He walked over to the fence and leaned against it, looking at the view. The wind was blowing hard so high up and messed up Yuri’s hair. He quickly ponytailed it and looked at his friend.

“I couldn’t either,” Otabek replied.

“Are you nervous?” Yuri asked, teasing him.

“Yes.” Yuri wasn’t expecting that answer.

“Seriously? You’re nervous?”

“Do you not get nervous?”

“No.” Yuri felt as though he’d been born to perform. Like he’d been made to be on the ice. Why would he be nervous about performing when he was supposed to be there? It didn’t make sense to him.

Otabek hummed in reply. “It’s a competition. Of course, I worry that I won’t perform well.”

“Of course you’ll do well,” Yuri said, “You’ve got an amazing free program.” The only way Otabek’s free program could be any better would be if there was a strip tease so Yuri could see even _more_ skin but he was **_not_ ** going to say that.

“Thank you, Yura,” Otabek said. The wind blew his hair so it went wild. Yuri decided that he liked Otabek like this, hair messed up, in pajamas and a motorcycle jacket. Then again, he imagined Otabek would look good in anything.

“Just being honest,” Yuri replied. It was a wonderful moment. They relaxed against the fence and Otabek watched the view with a wistful smile. Yuri couldn’t stop looking at him. He was so beautiful, illuminated by the hotel lights. The view had nothing on him.

“Beka,” Yuri started. He could tell him. The moment just seemed so perfect. Here they were, together at last, alone, and Otabek needed the confidence boost. It was right.

“Yes?”

“Beka, I sho-”

“Wow! The view is amazing!” Both skaters turned to see who was talking and watched Guillaume crash into the fence, shaking it as he grabbed onto it and looked at the city. “Look at all those lights! I’ve never seen a view like this!” Where _the fuck_ had he come from?

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Yuri asked. He had never felt the desire to murder someone quite so strong.

“You’re not my mom,” Guillaume replied and stuck his tongue out, “What are you guys doing up here?” Yuri knew what he wanted to do, but again, he didn’t want to go to jail in Japan. And he wasn't completely sure he had the strength to throw Guillaume over the fence.

“Enjoying the view,” Otabek replied.

“Yeah. Isn’t it great? I just came up here. Couldn’t sleep. I’m too excited for tomorrow. I can’t believe I’m in third place!”

Yuri was reminded that yes, the runt in front of him had beaten Otabek in the short program. So had Michele and J.J. It was a crime, but he was in fourth place. Maybe that was why he was nervous.

“You did well,” Otabek said, turning to face the younger skater.

“Thanks. That means a lot, coming from someone as good as you,” Guillaume said, “I mean, I can’t believe I’m skating on the same ice as some of you. I mean, Jean-Jacques Leroy is a gold medalist!” Yuri felt the urge to vomit. Guillaume didn’t seem to notice and looked at Otabek. “And you won silver and bronze in the GPF and you won even more in Worlds!” And then he looked at Yuri. “And you’re a two-time bronze medalist at the Grand Prix! You’re all amazing!”

“Thank you,” Otabek said genuinely.

“Yeah. Thanks,” Yuri said just so he didn’t seem like a total jerk.

“Isn’t the view amazing too?” Guillaume asked, looking at all the bright lights of the city.

“Yeah,” Otabek said.

Yuri looked at him. His demeanor changed when he was looking at the view. He seemed more relaxed, with that gentle smile. His severe expression just melted away. Yuri liked it. Otabek looked even more beautiful when all he saw was the view. Yuri only wished he would look at him like that.

“Beautiful,” Yuri said.

“I should go to bed. Got the competition tomorrow,” Guillaume said, “Good night. Good luck tomorrow, Otabek. And good luck at the Trophée de France, Yuri.” He scampered over to the elevator and within a minute, he was gone. And so was the mood.

“I should go to bed too,” Otabek said. Yuri had half a mind to ask to stay in his room but he’d never be able to get through that without blushing. He had another idea.

“Good night, Beka,” Yuri said.

“Good night, Yura.”

Once Otabek was gone, Yuri took another look at the view. He took a picture and uploaded it to Instagram without a caption. It wasn’t this beauty he wanted to capture.

Yuri then took the elevator back down to his floor. He knocked on Mila’s door. It took a few minutes but she eventually answered, sleepy and disoriented.

“Yuri?” she asked, “What do you want?”

“Please let me sleep on your floor,” Yuri said, “I can’t stand it in Yakov’s room.”

“Come on in,” she said. She was even nice enough to give him a pillow. He slept well that night.

* * *

Yuri got up early the next morning for multiple reasons. He didn’t want to stick around to see Mila wake up. He didn’t want Yakov to think he’d run away when he got up. And he had some business to attend to.

It didn’t take Yuri long to find a gift shop type place. He wandered in, looking at all the stuffed animals. Finding one for Otabek was simple. There was a brown bear with a goofy expression that Yuri _knew_ he would like. It had really soft fur and a little blue tee shirt. It was the dorkiest thing. Otabek would definitely love it.

Finding one for Mila was harder. Eventually he found an emoji pillow of a winking face and decided that would work for her. He paid for the offerings and left the store as quickly as possible. He didn’t want anyone to know what he’d done.

Once he got back to the hotel, he hid the offerings and went to take a shower. Yakov was still asleep.

Within an hour, everyone was up and going to the women’s competition. Yuri brought his backpack and stuffed the two offerings inside so as to avoid attention. Plenty of spectators had them too but Yuri felt a bit embarrassed.

Yakov and Mila went to the rink to get ready and Yuri was wandering around, trying to find a new seat. He was surprised to spot Otabek and his coach talking in the hallway.

“Beka!” Yuri called.

Otabek turned immediately and smiled. “Yura.”

“I’m going to watch the women’s free skate,” Yuri said, “Join me?”

Otabek looked at his coach, who smiled. “Go have fun. Relax a bit, Otabek.” Yuri decided he really liked Otabek’s coach.

“Let’s go,” Otabek agreed. The two eventually found seats near Michele and watched the women’s program. They both ended up giving Michele a distasteful look when he cheered a bit too loudly for his sister. It was only to be expected from him though.

Yuri ended up coughing a lot, to the point that Otabek and Michele noticed. He gave his usual excuse, a cold, and tried to hold it in. He didn’t need petals flying everywhere.

Mila was amazing on the ice. She didn’t look nervous at all, just radiated confidence. Her program was amazing, even better than at practice. Once she finished, the rink erupted in applause. People tossed offerings at her and Yuri immediately went for his backpack. He opened it up and as he yanked out the pillow, the bear’s head popped out too. He shoved it back in, as he didn’t want Otabek to see it yet. Then Yuri stood up, aimed for Mila’s head, and threw the pillow.

His aim wasn’t perfect but the pillow grazed Mila’s shoulder and she jumped a little in surprise. Yuri couldn’t help but smirk when she picked it, and a puppy plushie up and then skated off the ice. She had both plushies in the kiss and cry where she found out that she’d taken gold. The look on her face was amazing and Yuri even felt a little proud. She was like an older sister to him.

Michele and Otabek had to leave after that as it was their turn to compete. Otabek’s gentle smile from watching the women’s competition turned into his usual cold expression.

“You’ll be fine,” Yuri said encouragingly.

“Thank you,” Otabek replied and then he left with Michele. Yuri got up and changed seats as well. He didn’t want Mila to find him again, specifically for the reason that was tucked into his backpack.

Phichit was the first performer. Yuri almost wished he’d seen his short program since it had landed him in last place. But he did well and looked pretty pleased with himself in the kiss and cry.

The next one up was Seung-Gil. Yuri could only remember the beginning of his routine as he’d fallen asleep very shortly after. The Korean skater ended up with a new personal best but Yuri paid the kiss and cry no attention.

Because Otabek was on the ice. He was talking with his coach, his jacket still on. Yuri sat on the edge of his seat, waiting in anticipation for the jacket to come off.

It finally did and Yuri sat the backpack over his lap. It was embarrassing that he was so in love with his best friend _and_ that it was making him sick. Yuri’s throat hurt but he still called, “Davai!” Otabek looked at him and gave him a thumbs up. He still wasn’t smiling.

Otabek skated to the center of the rink and Yuri’s eyes were glued to the mesh back of his costume. Yet another reason why he didn’t want Mila anywhere near him.

The song started slow but picked up speed quickly, and Otabek’s routine got faster to match the music. The rink was completely quiet, the song echoing in the room. Everyone’s eyes were glued to Otabek. Yuri felt like the air had been forced from his lungs. He wanted to cough so badly but he couldn’t look away. The routine was too amazing. Otabek was too amazing. Why was he so beautiful?

Otabek finished the routine where he began, expression still stern. But the audience started cheering wildly. The commenters were raving about his performance. Offerings began to hit the ice. Otabek was moving his head slightly, as if looking for something.

Yuri ripped the bear from his backpack and threw it as close to Otabek as he could. It landed on the ice near his right foot. Yuri saw him turn to look and then bend down to pick it up.

And from the way his heart was beating, Yuri was sure it wouldn’t be the Hanahaki that killed him.

Otabek got off the ice, bear plushie in hand and Yuri wanted to run down and congratulate him. He knew he would have an amazing score.

And he did. He had a new personal best and was in first place. He smiled and Yuri started hacking into his hands. People sitting near him looked at him oddly but Yuri didn’t care. He wasn’t contagious. Unless love for Otabek was contagious, which he certainly hoped not.

Yuri sat and watched the rest of the programs without much interest. It was during Michele’s program when his phone started to ring. He didn’t recognize the number but Yuri got out of his seat and moved to a quieter area.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Yuri Plisetsky?” It was a man’s voice.

“Um, yeah,” Yuri was confused but didn’t hang up.

“You are the emergency contact of Nikolai Plisetsky.”

Yuri felt he’d been punched in the gut, “Yes. Is something wrong?” He coughed loudly as the man spoke. He had to repeat his sentence for Yuri to hear.

“Earlier today, Mr. Plisetsky was found by a neighbor. He was admitted to the hospital with a broken hip.”

“Is he okay?” Yuri said, completely panicked now.

“He is. He’s resting now but will be having surgery tomorrow. You may visit, if you wish.”

“I’m not in the country right now,” Yuri said, suddenly regretting his trip to Japan. It was important that he be there for Otabek but his grandfather was in the hospital. And Yuri couldn’t fly back early. He’d have to spend the night there and go tomorrow after he got back.

Yuri gave the man the information he needed and he found out when the surgery was and where Nikolai was staying. Yuri went back to his seat much tenser than he left it. And just in time for J.J.’s performance. That was something he wished he had missed.

In the end, J.J. ended up on the top spot of the podium, grinning with that smug smile and a gold medal around his neck. Otabek was the next one down with silver. Yuri now _knew_ the judges were dumb as shit if they thought Otabek deserved _second_. Seung-Gil had come in third.

Yuri was happy for Otabek but he had trouble showing it. He was just so worried about his grandfather. He tried to enjoy the rest of the trip but it was difficult knowing what waited for him when he got back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm sure you know the drill by now; kudos and comments are always welcome. Thank you. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Yuri had some regrets going back to Russia. He never got the chance to tell Otabek that the bear he had picked up Yuri had thrown. He barely got a chance to congratulate him, as he was whisked away for interviews, pictures, the medal ceremony and then on a plane to go back to Kazakhstan. In the end, it was probably for the best. Otabek would have figured out pretty quickly that something was wrong with Yuri and he didn’t want to make him upset when he’d done so well. 

Yuri was lucky to get a picture with him in between everything; Otabek showed off his medal, holding a bouquet as Yuri held the bear and took the selfie. It was already ridiculously popular on Instagram and was now Yuri’s new background. Otabek was smiling in the picture and Yuri felt honored. 

Mila had taken a picture with him too, the two of them throwing peace signs at the camera as Mila held her medal. She didn’t even tease him for his picture with Otabek, which he was thankful for. He didn’t want her involved in his personal life. Although she did mention that he wasn’t smiling in the picture. He didn’t say anything to her either because he didn’t want to ruin her big moment. He didn’t even tell Yakov. He was just stuck worrying alone. 

But it was good to be back in Russia. It meant that Yuri could go visit his grandfather. By the time he arrived back at the apartment, Nikolai was out of surgery and visiting hours were still going on. 

Yuri threw his luggage into his room without much care. Sasha meowed at him and he gave her a quick pat before running out the door. However, Lilia and Yakov noticed and stopped him.

“Where are you going?” Lilia asked. It was late and Yuri knew it. Not to mention he was jet lagged from going to Japan and he had practice the next day. But he wasn’t in the mood to hear this.

“My grandfather’s in the hospital,” Yuri replied, “I need to see him.” Lilia’s usual tense expression softened. 

“What happened?” Yakov asked. Even he sounded sympathetic. 

“Broken hip,” Yuri replied, “They called me when we were in Japan. He just got out of surgery so I have to see him.”

“Go ahead,” Yakov said, “Wish him well.”

“I will,” Yuri replied and closed the door. He walked to Nikolai’s place and took the car. He had a set of keys for it in case he needed it. He counted this as needing the car. He drove to the hospital as quickly as he could.

* * *

“Hey, Grandpa,” Yuri said, coming into the room. Nikolai looked pale. He’d never seen his grandfather looking so weak before. It was frightening. The man who’d raised him since he was a child looked frail and old. He was only in his early seventies. 

“Yurochka,” was the reply. 

“Grandpa, what happened?” Yuri asked. There was a metal chair in the room so Yuri pulled it over to the bed and sat down. He was tired but he didn’t care. 

“I fell,” Nikolai replied. Yuri waited for a more in depth explanation but one didn’t come.

“That’s it? You fell? You broke your hip, Grandpa.”

“I’m not a young man anymore,” he replied sternly.

“I-” In his head, Yuri knew that was true. But it still didn’t really compute. The man who raised him was an old man. He wasn’t Yuri’s father but his grandfather. He should have known this would happen.

“I should have been there,” Yuri said, “Maybe I-”

“You couldn’t have done anything,” Nikolai replied, “You have a career to worry about.”

“But I have you too,” Yuri said with as genuine a smile as he could muster, “Of course I’m going to worry about you.”

“Yurochka, when did you grown up?” Nikolai smiled at him. But then the smile disappeared. “Don’t you have training tomorrow? When did you get back in the country?”

“About an hour ago,” Yuri replied. In truth, he was exhausted but he couldn’t just stay at home. 

“You should go home. You have a lot of work to do.”

“My routines are already memorized. I’ll make it to the GPF. I want to be here for you, Grandpa.”

Nikolai sighed. When Yuri put his mind to it, he knew he was extremely stubborn. So was Nikolai, but that was who he got it from. And he wasn’t going to give up on this.

“You can stay then,” Nikolai agreed, “But you have to go home when visiting hours end.”

“Okay,” Yuri replied. He could live with that. “When are you getting out of the hospital?”

“That should be soon. The nurses said within the week.”

“And then what? You need someone to take care of you.”

“I was thinking-”

“I’ll do it,” Yuri interrupted. 

Nikolai looked at him sternly. “You have a career to consider. You don’t have time to be taking care of me.”

Yuri coughed. He leaned away from his grandfather to hide the petals. He didn’t have the time to be worried about a lot of things. “You need me,” Yuri said when he recovered, “I’ll be able to manage. I want to, Grandpa.”

“Yuri, no.”

“I can do it,” Yuri insisted, “You took care of me all my life. Let me return the favor. Please.”

Nikolai looked skeptical. 

“We can hire someone to do whatever I can’t.” Yuri had more than enough money from his skating to be able to do that. 

“We’ll see, Yurochka,” Nikolai replied.

“No. Not ‘we’ll see’. Will you accept my help or not?” Yuri asked. 

Nikolai looked him in the eye. With the look he was giving, as a child, Yuri would always back down. Only Nikolai could get him to do that. But Yuri just returned the look. He wasn’t going to back down. Even with his skating career and disease, he would be there for his grandfather. He had to be. There wasn’t anyone else. 

“Alright,” Nikolai said slowly, “You can move back in.”

Yuri smiled and grabbed Nikolai’s hand. “Thank you, Grandpa.”

“I should be thanking you. But you shouldn’t push yourself on my behalf. We’ll find a way to make this work.”

“I know we will. And I won’t,” Yuri lied. 

* * *

Yuri posted a picture of himself on Instagram. He was in a sweatshirt, shorts and a loose tee shirt. His hair was knotted, tangled, and terrible looking, in all honesty. He didn’t even look happy in the picture. It was just a selfie of him lying on his bed, Sasha curled up in the background. The caption was simply “I’m tired”. 

It had been a long day. Yakov and Lilia weren’t happy that Yuri was going to move out but were at least sympathetic. Yuri almost hated it. He didn’t want their pity. He wanted his grandfather healthy again.  _ He _ wanted to be healthy again. Taking another look at the picture, Yuri could see a few petals in the picture. Not enough to arouse suspicion but an ugly reminder of his illness.

He was a month in now and he felt like shit. His throat hurt and he was coughing all the time. He had another doctor’s appointment soon, so it wasn’t like he was doing anything about it. He had to do something. He couldn’t skate if he couldn’t breathe. 

Yuri refreshed Instagram and saw a picture Mila posted. It was the one she took with Sara, where they displayed their medals and kissed each other. Yuri rolled his eyes and scrolled down. Otabek had posted something. It was a picture of the bear Yuri had bought wearing his silver medal. It sat next to another bear that Yuri recognized from the 2016 Grand Prix Final. He couldn’t help but laugh. Otabek loved bears so of course he’d grab the one Yuri bought. He liked the picture and commented, “Nice bear”. 

Over the next hour, some of his own fans found the comment and started replying to it. Otabek’s post was blowing up. Yuri laughed again, which turned into a cough. Sasha started meowing as he coughed up petals. They were getting everywhere; his room was turning into a flower shop. Yellow primrose decorated the floor, every nearby surface, the trash was full of them and they littered Yuri’s bed. Yuri was growing to hate the color. 

He wanted to talk to someone, just to let it all out. But it was already eight. Otabek would either be asleep or would be soon. Yuri couldn’t call him now. So he got up, put his hair in a ponytail, and put on proper pants. He grabbed his skates and ran out the door. 

The rink wasn’t very far and Yuri got there within minutes. As one of the professional skaters who used it, he had the privilege to go there whenever he wanted. He dumped his bag and grabbed the skates, putting them on as quickly as possible. 

The sound of blades on the ice had to be the best sound in the world. Yuri couldn’t imagine anything better. It all seemed to be crashing down around him. He was in love with his best friend and it was making him sick. His grandfather was hurt and now he was going to help take care of him. He had a competition coming up in a matter of days and he was worried how well he’d do. He’d get to the Grand Prix Final, he always did, but he needed a good score. He wanted to win this year. But with Hanahaki, he was starting to doubt if it was possible. He felt like shit all the time.

He didn’t need to talk, just let himself glide over the ice. There was no routine, no jumps, no step sequences, nothing. He just enjoyed himself on the ice. He hadn’t even bothered to turn on the lights, allowing the yellow street lights to filter into the building and illuminate the dark room. 

He felt numb. He was tired and ached; his throat hurt and he always had to cough. He just allowed his mind to go blank. He just needed to relax. 

Yuri was on the ice until his legs felt like they were going to give out. As it turned out, he’d been there for hours. He gathered his things, locked up again, and walked back to the apartment. He collapsed into bed as soon as he arrived, much to the displeasure of his sleeping cat. 

But Yuri didn’t care. After all, he needed to sleep. He had to start packing the next day.

* * *

Yuri had suspected that when he moved out, he wouldn’t come back. He thought the next step would be to get a place of his own or to move in with someone. Of course, ‘someone’ never happened and he had only been considered a legal adult for half a year. 

But he looked around his own room and it looked so bare. He’d had figure skating posters up all over the place in his younger days, which were quickly replaced with some band posters and exactly one news article about him, when he’d taken gold in the Junior Grand Prix Final. He’d been so proud of that. He’d expected Viktor to choreograph a routine for him, only for him to die by the season’s end. Dead from the same disease that Yuri had now.

That had to be a cruel twist of fate. Why else would Viktor and Yuuri die of the same disease within months of each other? Why did practically every skater have it before getting paired up with each other? It had been a while since a death had occurred, almost three years now, but Yuri couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t concerned that he would be the next one. But he couldn’t die. He couldn’t leave his grandfather all alone.

“Yurochka?”

“Yes, Grandpa?” Yuri called back. 

“Can you come here a moment?” Yuri put down the clothes he’d been holding and walked out of his bedroom. He could see his grandfather in the kitchen with a wry smile on his face. Yuri tried to ignore the crutches holding him up.

“What is-” Yuri didn’t need to finish the question. He knew exactly what his grandfather was looking at. A bowl had been left in the dishrack to dry and Sasha was curled up in it, sleeping. Yuri whipped out his phone for a picture. Instagram would love it. 

“She’s taken to the move well,” his grandfather said with a laugh.

“She’s got her favorite spot on the couch back,” Yuri replied, “Don’t know why she’d sleep there though.”

“What about you, Yurochka?” 

“What about me?” Yuri put his phone back in his pocket. 

“What are you thinking?”

Yuri took a moment to think and a minute to cough. His grandfather frowned when Yuri couldn’t get his breath back. “Are you sure you’re not sick?”

Yuri forced the petals back into his mouth and swallowed them. He hated the feeling of them falling down his throat but it was better than his grandfather finding out that he had Hanahaki. 

“I’m sure,” Yuri replied when he could, “And I’m doing fine. It’s just weird to be back in my old room.” He ran a hand through his hair. He should have tied it back. 

“I worry about you, Yurochka.”

“You worry about  _ me _ ?” Yuri smiled at him.

“I’m your grandpa,” he replied, “I’m supposed to worry about you.”

“You’ve got better things to worry about,” Yuri counted.

His grandfather gave him a sad smile. “No, Yurochka, you are what I worry about.”

It seemed uncharacteristically tender for his grandfather. He indulged in Yuri’s more touchy-feely moments but this seemed odd. But Yuri supposed if there was a moment to get it out. 

“I should finish unpacking,” Yuri said. He picked up the sleeping cat, who woke up and meowed in annoyance. Her tail was smacking against Yuri’s leg. He went back to his room and closed the door. He didn’t want his grandfather to waste his energy on him. He had enough to worry about as it was. Yuri was moving back in  _ specifically _ so that he wouldn’t worry. 

He set his cat down and she curled up on his bed. The room was still a mess and Yuri didn’t feel like cleaning anymore. 

What the hell was he going to do now?

* * *

Yuri signed onto Skype. His room was still a disaster but some of the suitcases had been emptied. In reality, his room was always a mess, especially when he got lazy and didn’t unpack after traveling. One of the suitcases was definitely from the NHK trophy. 

But he didn’t want to unpack anymore. It was still early in the morning but he knew Otabek would be awake. He was a morning person. 

Yuri coughed into his hand and then pressed the call button. It took a few moments but the black screen turned into Otabek’s room. His friend was not wearing a shirt and his hair was soaking wet, plastered to his face. 

Yuri thought he was going to have a heart attack. 

But he had a coughing fit instead, emptying his lungs of more petals than he wanted to count. It sounded like he was choking on them. 

“Yura?”

Yuri gave him the “one second” sign and finished coughing. He wiped his mouth of drool and sat back in the view of the camera. “Sorry about that. What’s up?”

“You called me,” Otabek replied, “Isn’t it 4:30?”

Yuri’s eyes glanced to the bottom of the screen where that exact time was displayed. “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep. Figured you were up. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, it’s fine. I was just getting ready for practice.”

“Since you’re going to the GPF, I bet you’re on the ice all the time,” Yuri said, leaning in towards the screen. A quick glance to the corner showed how terrible Yuri looked. Whether it was his Hanahaki or worry for his grandfather, he found that he just couldn’t sleep. But that wasn’t to say he didn’t try and his bedhead proved it. Between that and the oversized tee shirt he was currently using as a pajama top, he knew he looked bad. What a way to seduce his crush!

“It’s not confirmed yet,” Otabek said, “Why are you awake, Yura?” He sounded concerned.

“My grandfather has a broken hip,” Yuri said. He didn’t see any point in hiding it. After all, first and foremost, Otabek was his friend. And he could always seem to figure out when Yuri was upset about something. So there was no point in hiding this. 

Otabek’s eyes flitted downwards before looking back at Yuri. He looked so sad. “I’m sorry, Yura.”

“I moved back in with him, to help out around here,” Yuri added, “That’s why the room’s a mess.”

“Your room is always a mess,” Otabek said with a little smile.

Things seemed so uncertain recently. Yuri had Hanahaki and was getting sicker by the day. His grandfather had a broken hip. Yuri had to admit that he was scared for the future. But at least he had Otabek. Even if he was the recipient of Yuri’s unrequited love, he couldn’t be angry with him. He just loved him too much.  

“Yeah,” Yuri replied. At that moment, Sasha jumped onto his desk. She looked at the screen and then settled down on the keyboard. “Sasha.”

Otabek chuckled. “Hello, Sasha.”

She looked at him and meowed. 

“I’m glad you’re doing well.”

She meowed again and put a paw on the screen. 

“Don’t talk to other people’s pets like that. People will think you’re crazy,” Yuri said as he picked her up. She meowed in protest but seemed content to be put in Yuri’s lap. She stretched out, digging her claws into his thighs. Not even the boxers he wore could protect him from his cat.

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked. It must have showed on his face.

“Fine. Sasha just likes getting comfortable with her claws.” Sasha settled in and curled up on his lap. Yuri started absentmindedly stroking her fur. 

“And are you sure you’re okay? With your grandfather?”

Yuri sighed. “It scares me. But he’ll be okay. He has to be.” Yuri didn’t have any other family. He had to have his grandfather around for a long time. 

Otabek looked sad again. “I’m sure he will be, Yura. Tell me how your programs are going.”

“You’ve seen them already,” Yuri replied, “They're good and you know it.” Sasha purred in his lap, content to have him pet her. “Oh, did I tell you I found a good song lately?” 

“No.”

“Let me send it to you.” Yuri took one hand off his cat and she meowed in protest. “You’re such a brat,” Yuri said to her. 

Otabek had an amused expression on his face. Yuri attached a YouTube link to the song and sent it to Otabek. 

Otabek looked away from the camera and the song began to play on his end. After a few moments, he said, “It’s good.”

“Isn’t it?” Yuri replied, “I thought it would be good for my exhibition piece.” 

“Are you going to use this music?” Otabek asked.

“No. I have another piece.” Another piece entirely about being too in love. But it was a fast song and would work for Yuri. He was excited to start creating a program to it. 

“It’s good,” Otabek repeated. The song faded out and Otabek started it again. “When are you going to France?”

“Two weeks,” Yuri said, “I don’t know what I’m going to do about my grandfather.”

“He’ll be fine, Yura. You got your strength from him.”

Yuri didn’t feel very strong. He felt a like a lost little child: sick, scared, and alone. He ducked off screen to cough again.

Otabek was silent as he waited for Yuri to reappear. And when he did, his expression was the same, stone faced. Yuri couldn’t read him. 

“You should try to sleep,” Otabek suggested.

“I’ve been trying to all night,” Yuri complained, “But if you need to go practice, go.”

Otabek looked awkward and his eyes focused off screen. “I need to get dressed soon.”

Yuri had an interesting mental image pop into his head. He turned beat red and started hacking off screen. 

“Yura?”

“I’m okay,” he called back and continued coughing. The petals scattered everywhere. Sasha jumped off his lap to get away from the noise. Yuri could barely breathe. He didn’t need images like that. 

It took him a minute to get back to the screen. Sasha had curled up on his bed. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Otabek asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. Get out of here. Make sure you’re good competition at the Grand Prix Final,” Yuri teased. 

Otabek smiled at that. “Good bye, then, Yura.” 

“Bye.” 

He signed off and Yuri just looked at the Skype screen for a few moments. He watched Otabek’s icon go from available to offline. And then Yuri signed out too. He went back to his bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling. His chest hurt. 

Sasha walked over and sat down on his stomach. Then she curled up to sleep. He sighed and started to pet her head. Yuri just didn’t know what to do.  

* * *

Practice was hard when he was coughing so much. Yuri could barely get through his routine without his lungs feeling like they were going to explode. His pockets were filled with petals and he hoped that none of them fell out while he skated. 

The jumps were the worst, especially his combinations. He did everything he could to make sure, even if he messed up the jump, that he’d stay on his feet. When Viktor started falling, everyone knew something was wrong. Yuri wasn’t going to go down like that. If he stayed on his feet, then he could convince even himself that everything was fine.

So he stayed on his feet. Sometimes, he’d have to put a hand down or he’d over or under rotate but his jumps didn’t need to be flawless. They just had to end with him on his feet.

Yuri went back to his doctor as well. He ended up with an appointment for  _ another _ chest x-ray a week later. They wanted to keep tracking his progress but Yuri wasn’t happy to be visiting so often. He just needed a higher dose of the medication. 

But he ended up with another view into his chest and the knowledge that he was getting worse. The year he’d had a month and a half ago was now shortened to eight months. He had been warned and he knew it. But how could he not fall in love with Otabek? Looking at him was like skating on thin ice. It would only be a matter of time before it cracked and Yuri would be plunged below. He just hoped he didn’t drown on petals before Otabek could pull him back to the surface. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did my research but still, take the illness and injury stuff with a grain of salt. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all the kudos and comments you've been leaving and please continue to do so. See you on Monday. :)


	6. Chapter 6

At least at this hotel, Yuri would have his own room. But it was a bit of a trade-off, as Otabek wouldn’t be there. Yuri knew who he’d be competing against and he wasn’t thrilled that J.J. was on the list. That bastard had beaten him at the Grand Prix Final every year but this time, he was going to win, Hanahaki or no. 

Yuri did feel somewhat guilty though, leaving his grandfather behind in Russia. He insisted that he would be fine but Yuri still worried. Even worse, his grandfather would start therapy while Yuri was away. He did have a nurse to help during the day but Yuri was supposed to take over at night when he’d finish practice. It kept the expenses down at least. And although his grandfather didn’t know, Yuri was paying for the nurse to visit himself. He didn’t want to have to touch his grandfather’s money. He would need it for the many years he’d live when this was done.

It was for the best that Otabek wasn’t at this competition. Yuri was already distracted by his grandfather’s health. He didn’t need to focus on seducing Otabek as well. All he needed to do was perform well enough to get into the Grand Prix Final. He had a good start but he hadn’t been sick then. So much had changed in two months. 

Yuri was quiet as Yakov checked them in. Lilia just watched him do it without saying a word. Yakov handed them their keys and Yuri escaped into his room for a while. He got the opportunity to cough without anyone knowing. 

He’d been doing this for two months and no one knew. It was impressive but god, was everyone dumb. Yuri could admit that sometimes he wasn’t as sneaky as he could be. 

He collapsed onto the bed and rolled onto his side. He wanted his cat. Sasha was bitchy on a good day but she was still soft and comforting. Yuri realized that it had been a while since he felt comfortable. His grandfather was hurt and it scared him to death. He was sick and his lungs felt like they were being squeezed. According to the chest x-ray, they were. He couldn’t breathe easily anymore. 

Yuri coughed and didn’t bother to cover his mouth. The petals scattered on the bed. He was just waiting to start coughing up full flowers. He figured it would be any day now. It was like the medication wasn’t working at all anymore. His doctor had almost doubled the dosage but it seemed to do nothing. Yuri was still coughing. 

Yuri got to his feet. No point in moping about something he couldn’t control. He was in Paris after all. Might as well do something. He left his room and got in an elevator. The roof would probably have a good view. 

The doors opened and Yuri was right. The Eiffel Tower was clearly visible from the hotel roof. Someone with brown hair stood near the edge, taking pictures. When the elevator door opened, he turned around to see who had arrived.

“Yuri, it’s good to see you,” Thomas said. He was the competitor from Ireland and was a year older than Yuri. He was a good skater and Yuri had nothing against him personally. They weren’t friends, but Thomas was a friendly person and Yuri didn’t mind talking to him. 

“Hey,” Yuri replied and walked over to him. He had to get a picture of the view for Instagram.

“Can I get a picture?” Thomas asked. 

Yuri shrugged. “Sure.” 

Thomas took a picture of the two of them smiling with the Eiffel Tower in the background. Once he got it, he posted it to Instagram. “Thanks, Yuri. How are you?”

“Fine.” Yuri didn’t feel compelled to give him long answers but Thomas didn’t seem to notice. 

“That’s good. You were great at Skate America, by the way.”

“Thanks. You were pretty good at the Cup of China.” Yuri hadn’t followed it that closely but he did keep up to date with skating information. 

“I only got third,” Thomas replied, “I plan to do even better this time around.” He looked at his phone for a moment. “Well, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiled and walked back towards the elevator. 

Yuri spent a few minutes on the roof, taking pictures and uploading them to Instagram. Many of the other skaters were posting pictures too. It appeared as though Michele was there already, even though all his pictures were of him frowning and tagging his sister. Yuri couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

Yuri went back to the elevator and hit the button for the ground floor. He might as well go sightseeing while he was there. He wanted to do it with another person, namely one Kazakhstani skater with brown eyes and a gentle smile he rarely showed. Yuri coughed into his sleeve just from thinking about Otabek. He was falling too far too fast and his lungs hurt. 

Yuri was content to avoid the other skaters. Thomas was the skater he was closest to and even that was a casual association and not a friendship. At least Guillaume wasn’t competing. Yuri didn’t know how much he could stand the younger boy’s chatter and he wasn’t interesting in finding out. 

Yuri wandered around the city, taking pictures at some of the sights. It was getting late and he was making his way back to the hotel when he got a text from Thomas. 

_ Everyone’s meeting up for dinner. Wanna come? _

Everyone probably included J.J., which made Yuri want to say no immediately. A second text came through.

_ J.J.’s having dinner with his wife. It’ll be Guang-Hong, Emil, Michele, and I. Come with us. _

Yuri shrugged to no one and agreed to come. Thomas sent him directions and after finding a cab, he went there. The other skaters were already there when Yuri showed up.

“Hey, Yuri,” Guang-Hong said politely, “I haven’t seen you since Skate America.”

“Yuri!” Emil said excitedly. He had a big smile on his face. Michele was seated right next to him, and seemed much calmer than his boyfriend. A near-death experience with Hanahaki hadn’t done anything to make Emil less bubbly. Although why he’d fallen for someone like Michele, Yuri didn’t know. 

“Hey,” Yuri replied and took a seat. 

“We’re just waiting for Guillaume then,” Thomas said.

Both Michele and Yuri looked at him oddly. “What?”

“As it turns out, he’s going to the competition so I invited him to dinner,” Thomas said.

“He competed at Skate America and the NHK Trophy,” Yuri said, “He’s done for the season.”

“He’s not competing. His home rink is here so he’s gonna watch the competition.” Guang-Hong and Emil didn’t seem bothered by this but Yuri and Michele gave each other the side eye. They’d dealt with him pretty recently. Yuri had had to deal with him for two competitions and thought this was more than enough. 

Within a few minutes, Guillaume arrived. Yuri could hear him from outside the restaurant. 

“Hey, everyone,” the younger boy said cheerfully. He sat down between Guang-Hong and Thomas. Yuri let out a quiet sigh of relief as he sat on Thomas’s other side. 

“Hey, Guillaume,” Thomas said. He was so nice it was almost irritating. But you couldn’t hate him because he was so nice. And then he’d skate circles around you on the ice. Contrary to his self-depreciating comments, he was good. 

Yuri had to be on guard for this competition. Everyone at the table was a strong competitor, as well as the one who wasn’t at the table. If he wanted to go to the Grand Prix, he had to do well, despite his Hanahaki. 

Yuri coughed into his hand. Michele noticed and gave him a look Yuri couldn’t identify. 

“What?” Yuri asked. He slid the petals into his pocket.

“You’re still coughing,” Michele replied. 

“Yeah. So?”

“Are you okay?” He was being surprisingly nice. 

“Yeah.” 

Michele didn’t say anything more. It was an awkward enough exchange already. Yuri didn’t want him to know. He didn’t want anyone to know. He wanted to keep this a secret.

“If I don’t make the Grand Prix this year, I’m going to the Rostelecom Cup to cheer Leo on,” Guang-Hong said. “Will you be there, Yuri?”

Yuri wasn’t entirely sure how they got to that topic of conversation. He’d zoned out. “Huh?”

“Are you gonna be at the Rosetelecom Cup?” Guang-Hong repeated.

“It’s in Moscow and I live in St. Petersburg. So no.”

“Who else is competing then?” Emil asked.

“Sara,” Michele said sadly.

“Are you going then?” Guang-Hong asked.

“No.”

“You’ll have to practice when you get into the Grand Prix final,” Emil said.

“When I beat him, he’ll have plenty of time to chase his sister,” Yuri said.

Guang-Hong looked surprised by Yuri’s statement. Guillaume was clearly trying not to laugh.

Thomas inhaled through his teeth. “Burn.”

Michele turned to glare at him. Even Emil looked unamused.

Yuri just took a sip of his water. His work was done. But then he coughed and the moment was ruined. His cool façade was gone. 

“Anyway,” Thomas said, trying to get them off the topic.

“It’s too bad we can’t all skate in the Grand Prix final,” Guillaume interrupted, “Wouldn’t that be amazing? And we’d all get to create our own exhibition pieces.”

“It’d be long,” Yuri commented.

“Our competitions are already pretty long sometimes,” Guang-Hong agreed.

The dinner was loud but Yuri didn’t have a bad time. He just wished Otabek was there too. If he got to skate with Guang-Hong at both competitions, why couldn’t he skate with Otabek too? He’d have a better time with his friend with him. 

All the skaters walked back to the hotel together. They separated for the night, each going to his own room. Except for Michele and Emil, but they were dating, so it wasn’t surprising. 

Yuri crashed when he got back to his hotel room. He spent several minutes coughing up petals in the bathroom. His throat and chest hurt. He didn’t know how he was going to be able to skate but he knew he’d have to. He had too much riding on his performance to throw it all away now.

* * *

Yuri was going through his stretches. He was pretty flexible after years of intense ballet. Sometimes people would come over to him and interrupt him to tell him something that he already knew. If he could do a full split, he didn’t need strangers to tell him how flexible he was, he’d figured that out. 

Thankfully, everyone was leaving him alone. He’d tried to find a quiet corner to warm up in but not for that reason. He was coughing too frequently. His chest hurt. Yuri felt pretty shitty and he was skating in a few minutes. Thomas was on the ice right now, soon to be followed by Michele, then Guang-Hong, and Yuri. Guillaume was running around talking to the skaters. Yuri really wished he’d just go watch in the stands with the rest of the skaters.

Just when Yuri thought he was alone, he heard, “Yuri!” He immediately tensed and turned around. Sure enough, the young French skater was standing there. 

“Hey,” he replied and continued stretching.

“Wow. Yuri, you’re so flexible.” 

Yuri didn’t say anything, just froze and contemplated his existence. “Thanks.”

“Thomas is so amazing. He did a quad lutz! I can barely do a quad toe loop.” Yuri was tuning out, focusing on getting himself ready for his short program. He coughed into his sleeve and snuck the petals into his pocket.

Guillaume stopped talking. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been coughing a lot.”

“I’m fine,” Yuri replied. He needed to cough again but held it back. 

“Are you-”

“Yuri.” Thomas jogged over. “Your coach was looking for you.”

“’Kay,” Yuri replied, getting to his feet.

“Good luck,” Guillaume said and ran off. 

Thomas smiled at him and then walked back with Yuri. As promised, Yakov seemed annoyed about something. Lilia was waiting with him.

“Is something wrong?” Yuri asked flippantly. 

“Why do you keep disappearing?” Lilia asked. Yuri got the impending sense that he was in trouble. 

“I was stretching.”

“Most of the skaters do that out here.”

“I like being alone.”

Yakov didn’t look convinced. Yuri took a moment to cough into his hand. He shoved it into his pocket, which was already practically overflowing with petals. He needed to get rid of them. As soon as he could get away from them.

“You’re still coughing,” Lilia said.

“Maybe it’s a cold,” Yuri said.

“You’ve been coughing since the NHK Trophy,” Yakov said.

Yuri could feel his lies crumbling around him. They couldn’t know. Not yet. Not until after the Grand Prix Final at least. He had to compete. It was the only way he could see Otabek. He had too much resting on his career to risk losing it. The thought terrified him. 

Yuri shrugged, a cool reaction for the panic he felt. Yakov eyed him suspiciously. 

“Mickey, you were amazing.” Yuri recognized the voice. He didn’t need to turn around to see Emil congratulating his boyfriend.  And if Michele was off the ice, that could only mean that Guang-Hong was performing. Which meant Yuri was next.

“We’ll talk after your short program,” Yakov decided and they all walked to the rink.  _ Perfect. _

Guang-Hong seemed nervous. He wasn’t smiling and his skating was stiff. Yuri never felt nervous when he performed. It seemed like a waste of energy. He only had himself to impress. And he knew his own talent and could trust in it.

He took off his jacket and revealed his costume. He didn’t like this one; he disliked the white and it was far too sparkly. But it was flashy, which he didn’t mind too much. He liked his free program costume much more. 

Yuri’s attention focused back on the ice. The announcers were going crazy as Guang-Hong got back to his feet. He’d fallen at the end of his routine. 

He was ice for only a minute more, before he skated over to the kiss and cry. From his expression, Yuri guessed there would be more of the latter than the former. Yuri took off his skate guards and got on the ice. He couldn’t help but smile; he was home.

“The score for Guang-Hong Ji: 86.75. He is currently in third place.” 

Yakov gave him the usual last minute advice. But Yuri felt confident. His lungs were aching for him to cough but he didn’t have his jacket anymore. He hoped Yakov wouldn’t notice the petals peeking out of the pockets. 

“Next on the ice, representing Russia, Yuri Plisetsky!” And that was his cue. He turned around and skated to the center of the rink. And he waited for the music to start.

The music he chose was loud and fast. His step sequence was intense. When he wanted to cough, it was even harder to perform. All his jumps were in the second half of the program, including two quads, one in a combination. Yuri was dreading it already.

Barely a minute in and Yuri could feel the strain his disease was causing him. Every step hurt. His lungs burned. It was all he could do to not cough and ruin everything. He had to keep going.

“His first jump is a quadruple salchow.”

Yuri had the speed. He knew he could do it. He leapt into the air. 

“A quad salchow. Good height.”

Yuri almost breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t concentrate on his own emotions; he didn’t know what his face looked like. Part of skating was performing the emotions of the piece but Yuri could only think about getting through it. The combination was next. 

The quad toe loop wasn’t a problem. It never was. But he launched into the triple axel and immediately knew something was wrong. He held his breath. Yuri crashed onto his right side, which flared in pain. He got back on his feet as quickly as possible. His side and arm still hurt and his lungs hurt even more. He let go of the breath he’d been holding. He only had one jump left. 

Yuri knew he couldn’t do it. The triple toe loop turned into a double. He couldn’t believe it. He’d failed so badly. This was his passion, his career. This was everything and he’d fucked it up. His fucking disease had fucked it up. The music ended and Yuri did his final pose. The audience applauded but not nearly loud enough. 

_ Fuck _ . He’d broken one hundred points at the last competition. He’d be lucky he hit eighty-five this time.

Yuri left the ice as quickly as possible. He threw his jacket back on and coughed out all the petals. He was shocked at how many there were, caught by his hands. Lilia and Yakov were watching him. They knew something was wrong and Yuri couldn’t hide it. 

As carefully as he could, he shoved the new petals and his hands into his pockets. He could try and prevent them from falling out. 

He, Lilia, and Yakov all sat down in the kiss and cry. Yakov was ranting already but it was nothing Yuri didn’t already know. Nothing he hadn’t already thought himself. He was furious. He’d allowed this to get the better of him. He couldn’t allow that. Not if he wanted to keep skating. Not if he wanted to see Otabek. Not if he wanted to live. 

“The score for Yuri Plisetsky: 87.39. He is currently in third place.”

Yuri couldn’t look up for the cameras. He didn’t want to see his score. Hearing it was bad enough. 87.39. He’d barely beaten Guang-Hong. He was in third place with two more skaters to go, one of whom being J.J. He’d kill that score in his sleep. Yuri could kill that score in his sleep. He was so disappointed.

“Next on the ice, representing the Czech Republic, Emil Nekola!” 

The three of them stood up and left the kiss and cry. It wasn’t over yet. He still had a chance to make up the difference. It all depended on the free skate. He could make up the points there.

“It’s too bad, Yuri,” J.J. said, “You did so well last time.” Yuri turned to him with a wicked glare. It was a civil comment for J.J. but Yuri wanted none of it.  The Canadian skater was already waiting for Emil to finish, in his bright yellow costume. Yuri thought it was absolutely hideous. 

“Take the banana you’re trying to become and stick it up your ass, J.J.,” Yuri replied before leaving the rink. J.J. looked bewildered by his comment but Yuri couldn’t help but smirk. Served him right for being an asshole. 


	7. Chapter 7

“I saw you skate.”

Yuri looked out his hotel room window. The city was decorated in bright lights. He knew most of the other skaters were out there but he didn’t want to go. Not when he was expecting to talk to his grandfather.

“Thanks,” Yuri replied. He would have preferred if his grandfather had missed it. He was in fourth. Fuck it all, he was in  _ fourth _ . Not only that, he was over twenty points behind J.J., who was in first place. Only Emil and Guang-Hong were behind him. 

He was absolutely ashamed of his performance. He never did that badly. His illness messed him up. He would have to make it up in the free skate but he’d be on the ice, doing his ten jumps in four minutes, without coughing. It seemed impossible.

“How’s physical therapy?” Yuri asked.

“I'm managing,” his grandfather replied.  Yuri frowned. He hated that he had to be away. He felt selfish but he had to do this to save his own life. He was going to take care of his grandfather, Hanahaki be damned. 

“When are you coming home?” His grandfather asked.

“In two days.” Yuri set the phone down on the windowsill and coughed into his sleeve. He didn’t want his grandfather to hear. He stopped as quickly as possible and picked up the phone again. He still needed to cough but he could hold out for the moment.

“Alright then. I should go. I don’t want to keep you awake the night before your competition.”

“My time zone is two hours behind yours,” Yuri replied. It was only seven in Paris. 

“Then enjoy yourself before your competition. Good luck, Yurochka.”

“Thank you, Grandpa. I’ll see you in two days.”

Yuri hung up the phone. And he coughed into his sleeve for several minutes. He was tired of hiding it but he couldn’t come forward with it. He just wanted to be healthy again. 

* * *

He could barely sit still as Lilia did his hair for his free skate. Normally he didn’t mind as she pulled the knots apart with her fingers, hissing quietly but saying nothing. Now, he didn’t say anything at all. He was seething. Fourth place. Yuri Plisetsky didn’t come in fourth place. He’d worked too hard to get fourth place. 

“You are talented enough to make up the difference,” Lilia said as if she could read his mind, “Your performance today is what counts. Do not distract yourself by overthinking.”

“I’m not overthinking,” Yuri argued and a sudden knot yanked his head back. He just wanted her to be done. He knew it was a complicated hairstyle with the ponytail and many braids but it hurt like a bitch to get his hair that way.

“Yakov,” Lilia called. 

He wasn’t paying attention to Yuri getting his hair done but turned to face them. “What?”

“Hold this.” Yuri knew she had to be holding one of his braids. Yakov didn’t say anything but came over and held whatever she wanted. Yuri could feel the bobby pins being pushed in and holding his hair in place. 

“Take that.” A bobby pin scraped against his scalp. Lilia was not gentle with his hair. 

“Finished.” Yuri let out a sigh of relief. He stood up and looked in the bathroom mirror. His bangs, which usually covered his right eye, had been pushed back with an inordinate amount of bobby pins. It just barely was long enough to reach the ponytail. The ponytail seem to be held in place by a large braid and it made his hair look shorter. It only reached his shoulders like this. Several strands had been braided and were held together with red hair ties, the same color as his costume. As he wasn’t wearing the costume and instead had a sweat shirt on, he looked ridiculous. But on the ice, he looked amazing. 

“It looks good,” he commented, “Thanks.”

He quickly changed into his costume, put his jacket on over it, and they all moved to the rink. The other skaters were congregating, waiting for the women’s competition to be over. Thomas was the one to notice him first. He looked surprised by him.

“Yuri, your hair is amazing,” he said immediately. 

“Thanks,” Yuri said with a smirk. It made it feel worth it to have Lilia pull at his hair for an hour to be complimented now. 

Guillaume turned to look at him and seemed just as amazed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Yuri with the same hairstyle back at Skate America. “Wow, Yuri. That’s so cool. I wish I could grow my hair out like that.”

He continued to babble as Guang-Hong looked too. He smiled. “You look good.”

“Thanks.” Yuri coughed into his sleeve. He noticed Yakov frown but he didn’t say anything. 

Only a few minutes later the men were allowed on the ice for their warm up. Yuri performed a triple axel without a problem but he didn’t feel any more at ease. His performance was almost four minutes long. He’d thought it would give him more time to make an impression but now he was regretting it. He couldn’t even get through the two and a half minute performance without fucking up twice. How was he supposed to skate perfectly for four minutes?

Their six minute warm up ended and except for Emil they all got off the ice. He’d fucked up even worse that Yuri the previous day and was now in last place. 

Yuri couldn’t believe he was going in the first group. He’d always gone in the last group because his scores were so high. And he was going third.

Yuri was waiting with the other skaters for his turn. Guillaume was chatting at them and Thomas seemed to be keeping him occupied. Yuri took out his phone and went on Instagram. He was surprised to see Otabek had published a photo. It was a picture of him with his little sister, older brother and brother-in-law sitting on a couch. He recognized them from a picture Otabek had once showed him of his family. 

The post was captioned, “Watching the Trophée de France”. Otabek’s sister was the one who’d taken the picture as the men seemed oblivious to it. But Yuri couldn’t help but smile.  Otabek would be watching him. He liked the picture. He felt better just looking at it.

“Good luck, Guang-Hong,” Guillaume said. Yuri looked up to see the Chinese skater walking away. Emil was probably almost done. 

Yuri refreshed Instagram and saw Otabek had posted something else. Or his sister had. She posted more to his Instagram than he did. 

This time, it was a video and Yuri realized that he’d been tagged. There was no caption so he didn’t know what it was about. He clicked play, not caring about how loud it would be without his headphones.

It was a video of Otabek, sitting next to his brother and brother-in-law. They were both leaning in so they were in the frame, smiling at the camera. Otabek was smiling too. 

“Okay,” his sister said from off-screen.

“Yura, davai,” Otabek said. 

“Davai,” the other men said. The video ended there. 

Yuri just stared at it for a few moments. He hit play again.

“Okay.”

“Yura, davai.”

“Davai.”

He could barely believe it. Otabek had never done this before. Yuri was touched. He pressed play again. 

“What are you watching?” Guillaume walked over to him and looked at his phone. Yuri pulled it away. 

“It’s a video,” Yuri replied. He didn’t want to share this. Despite the fact that it had been sent over social media, it still was between him and Otabek. He couldn’t help but smile at it. It meant so much that Otabek was thinking of him. 

He coughed into his sleeve. 

“Yuri.” Both he and Guillaume looked at Yakov. “It’s time.”

“Right,” Yuri said. He put his phone in his pocket. Then he realized that he hadn’t had time to reply. He had to give Otabek a thumbs up back. 

“Good luck, Yuri,” Guillaume said. 

“Thanks.”

Guang-Hong was halfway through his performance as they entered the rink. Yuri coughed into his hand and hid the petals in his pocket. If his lungs were full of petals, there would be no way he could complete his free program without coughing. It would be a challenge already. 

Yuri took a deep breath. Otabek believed in him. He needed him to win. Yuri could do this. He had to get into the Grand Prix Final and nothing was going to stop him. 

He coughed again until he felt the pressure leave his lungs. Then he took off his jacket. 

With his hair in a complicated hairstyle, Yuri felt like the costume he wore suited it. It was red with golden swirls on his right leg, curling up around his hip. There were more swirls on his right shoulder, moving down his arm and onto his neck. He looked amazing in it and he knew it. 

“You know what to do,” Lilia said to him, “Do not let your performance yesterday affect you.”

“Okay,” Yuri replied. He just wanted to get this over with.

Guang-Hong finished and the audience applauded. He was smiling, so he was probably happy with his performance. Yuri hadn’t been paying attention so he didn’t know. 

The Chinese skater got off the ice and Yuri skated on. He liked the feel of it, the familiarity. He knew he could do this. 

“The score for Guang-Hong Ji. 256.87. He is currently in second place.” 

It was time. Otabek was watching him. His grandfather would be watching him. Yuri could do this.

“Next on the ice, representing Russia, Yuri Plisetsky.”

He skated away from the wall and into the center of the rink. He plastered a smile on his face and tried not to think about how much he wanted to cough. 

“He will be skating to “I Was King”. He choreographed the routine himself.”

Yuri skated to the center and got into his beginning pose.  He still had to give Otabek a thumbs up. But it was far too late to text. 

There was a camera right in front of him. The music hadn’t started yet. 

Just as the violins and cello began, Yuri threw a thumbs up to the camera. He hoped Otabek saw. 

The piece started slow and so did Yuri’s skating. He didn’t want to think too much. He just had to let this happen. He was strong enough to get through the routine. 

His first jump was coming up, a triple axel. It was easy. He landed them a million times. He’d landed it during the warm up. 

He jumped. And he knew he wouldn’t land it immediately. But it did nothing to dull the pain of hitting the ice. He bit his lip to keep from coughing when he fell.

He got back to his feet and continued with his routine. The next element was a spin and it at least gave him a moment to think. He had to come up with a way of getting the points back. He’d have to get the rest of his jumps right and then find a way to make up more points. He couldn’t rearrange the jump composition too much on the fly. 

The next jump was a combination. Triple loop, triple salchow. Yuri was  _ not _ going to fail another jump. He landed the triple loop with ease. And he had the momentum for the triple salchow. 

He put his arm in the air as he leapt. It was definitely a harder landing but he knew he’d done it. That would help. If he managed to do that for all his jumps, he could get some of the points back. He could do this.

His lungs hurt. All he wanted to do was cough up all the petals. But the music continued. He wasn’t going to give up. He had too much relying on his performance. He was going to the Grand Prix final and he was going to win!

His next jump was another success. They commented on how he’d done it with one arm raised again. He liked the praise. It kept him going. 

He hoped Otabek was watching him. Yuri wanted Otabek to love him for this routine. He could do it. 

He reached the bridge of the song and his lungs felt like they were going to explode. He did a flying sit spin, breathing heavily. He would be a mess when this was done. 

He had one jump left, quadruple toe loop. He could do it. Just the one left and he’d be done. Yuri threw both his arms over his head. He was just as amazed as the audience when he landed it. He could hear the applause. Yuri knew he’d done well. He just had the last few steps to complete. 

The song faded out and he posed facing the judges. The stadium exploded in applause. Yuri had never caused a reaction like this in a crowd. He couldn’t help but smile. No matter how much his chest hurt, he was proud of himself. He hadn’t let it stop him. 

He skated back to the kiss and cry, where Lilia and Yakov waited for him. He threw his jacket back on, dug into one of the pockets for a tissue and coughed hard. It hurt but it had been worth it. So many petals were coming out and Yuri had to hold the tissue in both hands just to make sure he didn’t miss any. 

“Yuri, we need to move,” Yakov said. But Yuri was still coughing. He nodded and tried to stop himself. After a few brief coughs, he moved the tissue from his face. He balled it up and put it in his pocket. He’d have to throw it away soon. His pockets were practically overflowing with petals.

The three of them were in the kiss and cry no more than a few moments before the announcer said, “The score for Yuri Plisetsky: 282.78. He is currently in first place.”

Yuri couldn’t believe his score was that high. He almost felt like crying. Not that he would but he almost wanted to. He couldn’t help but smile at the camera. He had done it. 

* * *

Yuri received a lot of congratulations once he left the rink. Everyone was talking about how amazing he was. Yuri definitely liked the attention. He had to practically run away from Guillaume to go to the bathroom. He coughed up more petals than he’d ever seen into the toilet and then emptied his pockets. There were so many yellow primrose petals. He hated it. 

He had to flush the toilet several times to get all the petals down. But once it was clean, he left the restroom. He pulled out his phone and checked Instagram. Thomas had taken a picture with Guang-Hong and Guillaume while Yuri was in the bathroom. Some of the other skaters were taking pictures too. 

Eventually, he came across Otabek’s post. This was clearly posted by his sister. It was a video with the caption “Supportive best friend”.  Yuri clicked on it. Aliya was in the frame, smiling and giggling to herself. Yuri could hear “I Was King” in the background. Then she moved to show the men watching the TV. The first thing that caught Yuri’s attention was his bright red costume on the screen. The next thing he noticed was just how absorbed with his performance Otabek was. He was on the edge of his seat, eyes glued to the screen. Neither his brother nor brother-in-law looked as into the performance as he was. Yuri could feel himself blushing. Otabek had liked it. 

“Come on, Yura,” Otabek murmured. Yuri could feel his heart stop.  

His sister made a noise that sounded like a strangled laugh. All three men looked at her but Otabek looked the most surprised. 

“Aliya, what are you doing?” his brother asked. The video cut off there. 

Yuri could barely contain his happiness. He had to be close. Otabek had to be thinking of him as more than a friend. Yuri just had to make him admit it. So long as he made it to the Grand Prix Final, it would be simple. 

When Yuri got back to the congregation of skaters, they noticed his return immediately. 

“Yuri, you’re still in first!” Guillaume said immediately, “You’ve already medaled. Congratulations!”

Yuri found it more than a little amusing that he had flowers growing in his lungs and he still beat at least three skaters. It just proved how good he was. 

“Who’s going?” Yuri asked.

“J.J.,” Thomas replied, “You’ve got at least second.”

“You’re probably going to the Grand Prix Final,” Guillaume added, “That’s so amazing.”

“The score for Jean-Jacques Leroy.” The three skaters turned their attention to the monitor. J.J. was sitting in the kiss and cry with his parents and wife.  Yuri held his breath. “284.97. He is in first place.”

“You got second place!” Guillaume said and hugged Yuri. He wasn’t expecting that and stiffened up, looking awkwardly at the skater hugging him. 

“Congratulations, Yuri,” Thomas said, “Guillaume, get off him. He doesn’t like it.”

“Sorry.” Guillaume let go and launched into a string of praises and congratulations. Yuri barely heard any of it. He was still so surprised. 

Yuri had taken silver. He’d beaten the odds and his disease and taken second in the Trophée de France. He couldn’t help but smile. He was definitely going to the Grand Prix now. 

* * *

Yuri decided there was no better feeling in the world than wearing a silver medal around his neck and even if J.J. stood above him. Thomas stood on the other side, smiling with his bronze medal. The cameras flashed in his eyes but he didn’t care. He couldn’t stop smiling. He'd earned this. He'd beaten his disease, of only for this moment. But it was a victory and he was proud.

Eventually, they were allowed off the ice. The other skaters had already gone back to the hotel. Yuri was feeling pretty tired. Between the interviews and skating, he was just about ready to crash. 

As this was the second to last event, Otabek had been confirmed for the Grand Prix final. And so had J.J. Yuri had to wait for the Rostelecom Cup to end before he found out if he’d made it or not. But this had happened before and he’d made it. He was only a few points behind J.J. There was no doubt in his mind that he’d be in the GPF. 

Back at his hotel room, Yuri immediately stripped out of his costume and ran to take a shower. Taking his hair apart was a challenge and he spent several minutes pulling out hair ties and bobby pins. His hair was a wavy mess when it was finally loose again. 

The shower felt amazing, except for the four bobby pins that fell out. Yuri didn’t understand why that happened; his hair wasn’t even curly. 

Once he was done with his shower, he collapsed onto the bed. He’d be flying back to St. Petersburg the next day. And he’d have to start training for the GPF.

Yuri opened his phone and was surprised to see a text. Even more shocking was that it was from Otabek.

_ Congratulations on your silver medal. _

It was from several hours earlier but Yuri had been so busy, he hadn’t even noticed. He felt a little guilty and send back a message.

_ Thanks for watching. Congrats on getting into the GPF _ .  _ Officially _ .

_ You watched my competition. _ Another message came in a few seconds later.  _ Thank you. _

Yuri wasn’t expecting a text back, especially since it was 2 am in Almaty. Either he’d woken Otabek up or he was awake for another reason.

_ Why are you conscious? Don’t you have to practice now that you’re in the GPF? _

_ Don’t you need to sleep? Didn’t you just compete? _

Yuri snorted at that. He was avoiding the question which probably meant Yuri woke him up.

_ Yeah. Sorry to wake you. Go back to bed Beka _

_ Good night, Yura.  _

_ Night _

Yuri smiled at the messages. He needed to cough badly but didn’t want to look away. He just loved Otabek so much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I appreciate all the comments and kudos you're leaving so thank you. Please keep leaving them. I'll be back next Monday. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Yuri knew going into this that it would be hard. No one just walks away from a broken hip and his grandfather was in his seventies. Yuri knew this but it didn’t make things any easier. 

His grandfather didn’t seem to understand that Yuri wanted to help him. Sure, that meant that he was doing a lot of household chores after skating practice but he didn’t mind. 

Pretty quickly Yuri didn’t even have time to think about his own illness, as he was so consumed with his grandfather’s problems. Time was passing quickly. The Rostelecom Cup was approaching and Yuri would soon know for sure if he was in the Grand Prix Final. 

He still practiced as if he was in it. His exhibition piece was ready; it was a tribute to his own illness and to Otabek. Yuri choreographed it himself. To be honest, it was a lot simpler than he wanted it but he was having trouble with his free program and the Rostelecom Cup hadn’t happened yet. The Grand Prix was two weeks after that so he had to tone it down. Practice became easier but not for the reason Yuri wanted. 

* * *

It had been a tough day. Yuri knew the Rostelecom Cup was on its final day, thanks to the insane amount of notifications. He didn’t even follow Leo or Guang-Hong; how they were flooding his Instagram, he had no idea. Today he would know for sure if he was in the Grand Prix.

But that wasn’t what his mind was on. He was practicing his free program, trying not to cough as he skated, and trying not to focus on his growling stomach. He was an idiot and he  _ knew  _ he was an idiot. As a professional athlete, he couldn’t skip breakfast but he had. He was also skating on two hours of sleep but that wasn’t even what was concerning him.

Yuri spent the night coughing and throwing up petals, so he’d overslept in the morning, after he'd finally managed to sleep. Which then meant he ran to practice and forgot to even take a protein bar. He just had to wait until their lunch break. 

It was almost that time and Yuri was thankful. His stomach was growling on the ice and he was feeling a little dizzy. He could definitely get a protein bar from one of the other skaters. They wouldn’t be idiots like him and would actually have food. Yuri headed towards the exit.

“Yuri. You should run through your free program while everyone is off the ice,” Yakov said. Yuri froze in place. He needed to cough desperately but he couldn’t hide the petals. He had no pockets on his outfit. He had his jacket but the petals would just go everywhere if he skated with it. 

Yuri knew he needed something to eat. He knew he should cough up the petals. But he didn’t want anyone to know what was going on with him. He had to keep up the lie, which meant doing something he wasn’t sure was possible. 

“Sure,” he replied and skated out to the center of the rink.  His lungs felt heavy, already. He had no idea how he was going to survive four minutes.

He started slow, imagining the music was playing. Steps were no problem. It was the triple axel that was concerning him. He’d been practicing since the Trophée de France. He had no intention of messing up that jump again. 

He landed it cleanly, even if he felt like his lungs were going to explode. He even had a hand up, another element he’d been practicing. He was going to win this year’s Grand Prix Final, with or without Hanahaki. 

The next element was a spin. It wasn’t as demanding as jumps but it still hurt to complete. He just wanted a break. But this program was barely started. 

He continued on, but noticed that he was dizzy. It happened sometimes, during a spin. But it would normally disappear quickly. He could keep going. He had to.

Next was the triple loop, triple salchow combination. Yuri picked up speed and launched into it. His vision was going dark.

“Yuri?”

He couldn’t see anything but he heard his name.

“Yuri?”

Yuri realized that his eyes were closed. His body was cold. There was something hard under him. 

_ No, he didn’t. _

“Yuri?”

He opened his eyes and saw someone with dark red hair staring down at him. Mila. It was Mila’s voice. His vision was blurry. 

_ Yes, he did. _

“Mila?” His chest hurt terribly. All he wanted to do was cough. He looked around the area quickly and found no petals. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah. It’s me. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” Yuri attempted to sit up. The ice was so cold beneath him. 

“You might have a concussion,” Mila said.

“No. I feel fine.” His stomach voiced its complaints. He hadn’t fainted from hunger had he? Maybe the two hours of sleep was playing into it too. The Hanahaki probably wasn’t helping either.

“Mila, can you bring him over here?” Yakov called. Yuri turned to look but he could only see the dark material of his shirt. His vision was coming back too slowly. 

“Sure,” Mila replied and before Yuri knew what was happening, she was carrying him bridal style across the ice. 

“Put me down, hag,” he snapped, “I can get there on my own.”

“Yakov said,” Mila replied and Yuri could make out the smile on her face. She just liked proving that despite the changes his body made during puberty, she could still carry him. And he still hated it. But he figured that struggling would cause her to drop him so it was better to just let her do what she wanted. 

What she wanted was to bring him out of the rink and to a bench.  Everyone was looking at him and there was no chance he’d be able to cough now. 

“Are you okay?” one of the younger skaters asked.

“We’ve already called for the paramedics,” Lilia said.

“Paramedics?” Yuri asked. This would get back to his grandfather for sure. “I don’t need the paramedics. I’m okay.” He tried to stand up but at least three people jumped up to push him back onto the bench. 

“We’ll let the professionals decide that,” Yakov said.

It took a few minutes for them to arrive. Yuri hated how everyone was watching him. Like this was some kind of show. But he kept quiet. He couldn’t use his usual defense mechanism here. 

The paramedics didn't seem panicked, which was good. Yuri felt like enough of a freak show already. He followed their instructions as they shined a light in his eyes. He knew they were checking for a concussion but he also knew the symptoms and he didn’t have one. He’d feel a lot worse if he had one.

“No concussion,” the paramedic said, “How much water have you been drinking?”

“Uh, normal amounts,” Yuri replied. Besides his skates, he only grabbed his water bottle as he’d run out of the house.

“Have you eaten today?”

Yuri’s eyes flicked over to Yakov and then back to the paramedic. “No.” As expected, he saw Yakov’s head turn out of the corner of his eye. 

“How long has it been since your last meal?”

“Seventeen hours?” He wasn’t completely sure of the last time he’d eaten.  It could be closer to twenty.

“And how long were you skating?”

“Four hours, I think. What time is it?”

“Noon,” one of the other skaters supplied.

Based on the woman’s expression, she thought this was the answer. “Then the best advice I can recommend is to eat something. If you have any changes to your sleep schedule, please go to the hospital.”

“’Kay,” Yuri said. The paramedic packed up her things and left with her partner. Yuri slowly turned to look at Yakov. Lilia was standing right next to him, and they both looked pissed.

“You haven’t eaten anything?” Yakov asked. He was remarkably calm for how short his fuse was.

“I forgot, alright?” Yuri snapped back. 

“How did you  _ forget _ ?” Lilia asked.

“I overslept and had to run here. I forgot to grab something.” Yuri could feel a cough coming up. He lurched forward slightly, putting a hand on his chest. He didn’t open his mouth so a few petals fell on his tongue. He swallowed hard to get them back down. It would be all over if everyone saw he had Hanahaki. 

“What was that?” Lilia asked.

“The paramedics are still here,” Mila said, “I could-”

“It was a cough,” Yuri replied, “I’m fine.”

“Yuri, I want to see you in my office,” Yakov said. He and Lilia walked away. 

Yuri could feel his heart jump into his throat. Viktor had gone to the office and he’d never come back. They didn’t know. They didn’t know about the Hanahaki. This wouldn’t end like Viktor. Yuri wouldn’t die like Viktor. 

“Yuri,” Mila said. She handed him a protein bar. 

“Thanks,” Yuri replied. He ripped off the wrapper and bit into it. It tasted terrible but he didn’t care. He was starving. He finished the entire thing within thirty seconds, which he knew he shouldn’t do but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His health was in the toilet anyway. What did it matter if he threw up?

Yuri walked into Yakov’s office. The coach’s expression was grave. Yuri kept up his angry façade, despite his nerves. This wasn’t about the Hanahaki. They didn’t know about the Hanahaki. He wouldn’t be kicked off the ice. He just kept thinking that. He had to stay on the ice. For the chance to see Otabek, he had to keep skating. He had to be in the Grand Prix Final. Wouldn’t the results come in already?

“How are you?” Yakov asked.

Yuri couldn’t help but let out a biting laugh. “Fine. Why?”

“How is your grandfather?”

“He can barely walk. Good as he can be. Why?”

“You don’t seem well, Yuri,” Yakov said.

Yuri shrugged. If he was nonchalant, he could pretend that he was okay. That was what mattered in the end. He had to pretend to be okay. Anything to keep skating. For his grandfather, for Otabek, for himself. 

“Yuri, take this seriously. We’re talking about your health.” Yuri gave him an angry look but Yakov didn’t stop, “You’re obviously in a bad situation. You didn’t eat. You’re throwing away your health.”

Yuri coughed into his hands. It seemed like the perfect time. His whole body shook as he coughed up petals. His chest ached. 

“You’re still coughing.”

“It’s a cold.”

“You’ve been coughing for weeks. Did you see a doctor?”

“Yeah. They said it’s a cold.”

“Yuri.” Yakov actually looked sad. It was a weird expression to see on someone who’s default was angry. 

“What?” he demanded. Be flippant, be angry. No one will care then. 

“How are things at home for you?”

“No,” Yuri said, “I’m not having this conversation with you.” He stood to leave.

“Sit back down and answer the question,” Yakov snapped. That was more like him.  Yuri sat back down, even more annoyed.

“Things are fine. My grandfather can’t walk so I have to take care of him. He’s recovering fine. I’m fine.”

Yakov sighed. Maybe he was as annoyed with this conversation as Yuri was. “Fine. But make sure you sleep and eat. Don’t take on too much.”

“I don’t have a choice,” Yuri muttered as he left. They only had each other. He didn’t have anyone else to rely on.

* * *

At the end of the day, Yuri was officially in the Grand Prix Final. 

* * *

Yuri was sitting in the waiting room. After his grandfather’s broken hip, he had to go to physical therapy. Yuri had to go with him twice a week. After practice, it was exhausting to bring him there and back. It was too far away for Yuri to bother to go back home so he just had to wait. Mostly, he played around on his phone. 

Yuri refreshed his Instagram feed and a video came up. Phichit had posted it. Just looking at the caption made Yuri’s heart beat faster. He started coughing into his elbow. Coughing hurt his chest so much. He was amazed he hadn’t coughed up full flowers yet. It had been over two months since he’d developed the disease and he just wanted it to be over. 

Yuri finally stopped coughing and collected all the petals. He threw them in the trash and then looked at the video. The caption just hit too close to home.

_ “Yuuri on Ice” Three years later and we still miss you. Katsuki Yuuri 29/11/92 – 29/11/16 _

Yuri played the video and it started with Phichit on the ice, one leg crossed behind the other. He was looking at the ground. The music started to play and Yuri realized what this was. It was a tribute to Yuuri. Phichit was performing the last program Yuuri skated competitively. 

Yuri was honestly amazed at the quality. The performance was captured from several angles and it was well edited. And this was the best performance Yuri had ever seen from Phichit.  All the jumps were clean, even better than when Yuuri did it. It was flawless. Since there was only one video on the internet of Yuuri skating to this program, it was even more amazing. Phichit must have worked hard to get the program as clean as it was. 

The biggest surprise was to see Phichit land a quad flip at the end of the program. Yuuri seemed to have legendary stamina in the skating world. To see Phichit master the program that even he couldn’t was impressive. Then again, Yuuri had been sick with Hanahaki for six months when the program was filmed. Yuri couldn’t imagine how much pain he must have been in as he skated. It was amazing he lasted as long as he did. 

Phichit finished in the final pose and held it for several seconds. Then he broke it, taking deep breaths. He looked at the cameraman with a smile on his face, obviously proud of his accomplishment. And then his smile crumbled and he looked at the ground. The video ended there. 

Yuri liked the video but he couldn’t bring himself to leave a comment. Some of the other skaters had left comments lamenting Yuuri’s death. There were plenty of fans talking about him. Yuri scrolled through and read a few before locking his phone. He just couldn’t handle it. It was one thing for Guang-Hong or Emil to look at it. They’d both beaten their Hanahaki and come out on top. Yuri was still in his battle. And if Otabek didn’t love him, he’d end up like Yuuri and Viktor. He couldn’t end up like Yuuri and Viktor. 

* * *

Yuri was making dinner. He just needed the water to boil so he took a seat and looked at Instagram. Otabek, or more accurately Aliya, hadn’t posted anything recently and Yuri was trying not to let it bother him. He missed him so much it hurt. They’d be seeing in other in a few weeks but it wouldn’t be soon enough. Yuri had to step up his seduction. 

Yuri started coughing hard into his hands. That was just another reminder of his illness. He was lucky his grandfather was in the bedroom or else he’d notice. That was one good thing about moving back in, his grandfather wouldn’t be the one to figure out he had Hanahaki.

Thinking about Yuuri was bothering him. He was three years dead but it was hard to forget about him. Yuuri gave his life away to a love that wouldn’t love him back. Yuri couldn’t do that. Someone had to take care of his grandfather. And there was only him. He still had time but it was a thought in the back of his mind. If he couldn’t get Otabek to love him, he’d either end up like Yuuri or would have to have the surgery. And Yuri knew which option he’d pick.

Yuri got back to making dinner. He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Sasha walked up to him and started to walk around him, moving in between his legs.

“Sasha, now is not the time,” Yuri said. He walked over to get the box of pasta he was about to cook. He nearly tripped on Sasha walking back to the stove.

He dumped the pasta into the boiling water. Once he stood in one position, she started pawing at his leg. 

“What?” 

She meowed.

“I’m kinda busy, Sasha. I’ll pet you later, I promise.”

She meowed again. 

Yuri realized he forgot to feed her.

Normally, he’d refill her bowl before he and Nikolai went to therapy. But he’d been running late from practice and just ran to make the appointment. He’d forgotten that day. No wonder she was annoying him.

“I’m sorry, Sasha,” he said, leaving the pasta and getting her cat food. Once her bowl was full, she attacked it. Yuri ran his hand over her back. He should have remembered to feed his damn cat, even if he was in a rush. 

He heard the clack of his grandfather’s crutches from down the hall. Sasha seemed startled by the noise and ran off. It took a few moments, the rhythmic clacks resounded on the floor, but eventually, Nikolai managed to make his way into the kitchen. Yuri didn’t think he’d ever get used to the sight. The man who’d raised him from the time he was four looked like an old man now.  Yuri knew he was getting old but he’d only just realized what that meant. 

“Is something wrong, Grandpa?” Yuri asked. 

“No, I’m fine.”

“You should rest. You had therapy today,” Yuri said. He hated that he had to say it. 

“You worry about me so much,” his grandfather said. 

“Of course I do,” Yuri replied, “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

The clack of the crutches moved to the table. Then there was the sound of them sliding down the wall and crashing to the floor. His grandfather sighed.

“I got them!” Yuri shouted before Nikolai even had a chance to think about grabbing them himself. He rushed over to the table and picked up the crutches, leaning them carefully against the wall again. 

“I’ll be happy to be rid of those things,” Nikolai said.

“You and me both,” Yuri replied. 

* * *

Yuuri was standing in front of him, looking serene. For being deathly ill, he didn’t look too bad. He was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired. But Yuri wouldn’t have known he was close to death. 

“Listen,” Yuri said, “I-” He stopped himself. It was embarrassing to say. But it needed to be said. “Are you going back to Japan to have the surgery? That’s why you dropped out, right?”

Yuuri took a deep breath. “I-yes, I am.” 

“Liar!” Yuri screamed at him. The other Yuuri was taken aback. “Liar! You never had the surgery. You wanted to die. You died for Viktor and he was already dead. What the fuck was wrong with you?”

Yuuri laughed a little, his smile fading fast. “You’ll understand. What would  _ you _ do for  _ him _ ? Would you die for  _ him _ ?”

“I’m not going to die,” Yuri said.

“We’ve all said things that weren’t true.” Yuuri turned to go. He wasn’t looking at Yuri when he spoke, “And good luck in the Grand Prix Final. You deserve to be there.”

“Wait!”

Sasha meowed in annoyance and hopped off the bed. Yuri sat up and took deep breaths before coughing. The petals scattered everywhere. Yuri doubled over. He thought he was going to be sick. 

Eventually, the coughing passed and Yuri sat back up. He spit the last few petals out of his mouth. They always tasted terrible. 

Annoyed, he looked at his phone. 2:13. He sighed. He still had time to sleep, thank god. He felt so tired all the time now.

He lay back down and looked up at the ceiling. He addressed the air, “Stop haunting me.” Maybe the bastard would hear and leave him in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing the Yuuri-centric scenes in this chapter. Maybe because he's my favorite character and not in this story. It's nice to bring him back, or at least the spirit of him. :)  
> Thank you for reading, and for the kudos and comments. See you on Thursday for the GPF. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Yuri had never felt such relief as to arrive at the hotel. They had a pretty early flight compared to everyone else so Yuri and Mila were the first skaters there. They were both excited for everyone to show up. Mila wouldn’t stop talking about seeing Sara again and Yuri kept his mouth shut. She’d only tease him if he mentioned Otabek.

It had been a month and a half since Yuri had seen Otabek. He missed him terribly and the ache in his chest wasn’t entirely from loneliness. His medicine was doing absolutely nothing to stop his cough. It had been a while since it had. Every day he was expecting to cough up a full flower but not so far. 

Yuri’s chest hurt so much and there was no relief. As soon as he’d stop coughing, he’d feel the need to start again. He was in pain and he was just so sick of it. But that wasn’t his main concern at the moment. It was his fourth time at the Grand Prix Final. He could win this time, even if he had Hanahaki. 

Yuri was grateful that he didn’t have to share a room with Yakov again. He’d be forever grateful for that every time he stayed at a hotel. Once was enough for a lifetime. 

He unpacked slowly, checking his social media to see who was checking in when. The first people were Sara, Michele, and Emil. Mila had posted a photo of her and Sara kissing, only to then be tagged by Emil taking a very similar photo with Michele. Yuri just rolled his eyes and kept scrolling. He really didn’t care about any love life that was currently working.

The next person to arrive was J.J. Yuri didn’t find that out from social media but from his voice talking to his wife as he walked down the hallway. Yuri suppressed a groan and kept unpacking. He would have been very happy if J.J. hadn’t made it to the GPF this year. 

It was getting close to dinner time when Yuri sent Otabek a message. He hadn’t seen anything on Instagram but he would have been surprised if Otabek had posted something. Aliya posted to his Instagram most of the time so if Otabek had posted anything, that would have been odd. 

Within two minutes, Yuri had a message back. Otabek had arrived. They messaged each other a few times and eventually agreed to meet up in the lobby. Otabek had a surprise for Yuri. 

Yuri hurried to the elevators and headed down to the lobby. He had no idea what Otabek had for him but he was feeling excited. It had to be something good for Otabek to think of him this way. 

The elevator doors opened and Yuri saw Otabek immediately. He was seated on a couch, talking to a woman.

Yuri’s heart stopped.

Otabek would tell him if he’d gotten a girlfriend right? He’d mention that he had a crush. He’d say he asked her out. He’d say it. This couldn’t be his girlfriend. It couldn’t be.

Walking towards the two was like trudging through water. Yuri just wanted to run away. He could at least deny it for the moment. Yuri coughed into his hands. 

The woman turned her head. Yuri recognized her; this was Aliya, Otabek’s sister. His heart started to beat again. He was so relieved. On the other hand, Otabek’s sister had come with him. There was no way Otabek was going to leave her. Any chance Yuri had of getting him alone went down the drain. 

“Beka,” Aliya said, and pointed at Yuri. Otabek turned to look and his severe expression faded into a smile. Yuri couldn’t help but smile too. He finished coughing, stuffing the petals into his pocket and walked over. 

“Hey, Beka,” Yuri said, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Otabek said. He stood up and Aliya did too. The similarities between her and Otabek were striking. They had the same dark hair, same brown eyes. But Aliya had a smile on her face, none of the severity that dominated Otabek’s personality. Her curly black hair went down to her lower back. She was very attractive in a feminine way. Not the same way Otabek was attractive. No, Otabek’s attractiveness came from the hard lines of muscle on his body, the gentle smile that sometimes graced the world with its presence.

“Yura?” Otabek said. 

“Yes?” Yuri replied. He’d been spacing out. 

“I want to introduce you to my sister, Aliya.”

“It’s nice to meet you finally, Yuri,” Aliya said, “My brother’s told me a lot about you.”

“He’s told me a lot about you too,” Yuri said, “And so has his Instagram.”

Otabek sighed and Aliya laughed. “I know I dominate that. But Otabek won’t use it if I don’t. And-” She turned towards her brother, “you’re a professional figure skater. If people can’t find you online, they’ll find other ways of finding you.”

“It’s also nice to see pictures of you sometimes,” Yuri added.

“He agrees with me,” Aliya insisted, “If you won’t update it, then I will.”

“Okay,” Otabek said and smiled at his sister. It was clear that they were close. “Yura, do you want to go sight-seeing?” 

“Sure,” Yuri replied. He then coughed into his hands. Aliya looked concerned for him and Otabek frowned. 

“You’re still coughing?” Otabek asked.

“Yeah,” Yuri replied when he was finished, a full minute later, “I’m still gonna kick your butt at skating though.” That brought the smile back to Otabek’s face. 

“You wish you could beat him,” Aliya taunted.

“It’d be good to see you do that well,” Otabek said. Why was he such a wonderful person?

“Well, you’re gonna see it when I take first this year.”

“Unfortunately, Yuri, that isn’t gonna happen.” Yuri recognized that voice. Based on Otabek and Aliya’s matching dry expressions, Yuri knew who had answered him. “I’m gonna take gold again because that’s-”

“No one asked for your opinion, J.J.,” Yuri replied without turning around. 

“Do you want to go, Yuri?” Otabek asked.

“Yeah.” Did Otabek not know him?

“Let’s go.” The three of them left the hotel.

“Hey, wait.” They didn’t. They walked out and just picked a direction to go in. J.J. wouldn’t follow them. He was just a prick by opportunity. 

“Aliya, how come you decided to come to this GPF?” Yuri asked. He wasn’t happy that she was tagging along but he wasn’t surprised. If Otabek had brought her from Kazakhstan, he wouldn’t leave her behind for sight-seeing.  

“Because  _ my brother _ finally let me,” she said accusingly.

“Because Mom and Dad finally let you,” Otabek replied. 

“Who knew seventeen was the magic age where your parents will let you go to America with your brother?” Aliya shrugged. “I’m just happy to be here. I’ve wanted to watch an international competition ever since Otabek started skating competitively. I’m really happy you’re here too, Yuri.”

“Yeah?” Yuri asked.

“I’ve always wanted to meet you,” Aliya said, “Otabek talks about you so much and you’re such good friends.”

“Aliya,” Otabek said in a warning tone. 

Yuri took that as a good sign. He coughed into his hands. If Otabek talked about him at home, he had to think they were close. Would love be so much of a stretch? Yuri hoped not. 

At first, they wandered through the city without too much thought to where they were going. Eventually, Otabek started to look up actual tourist destinations. There was a zoo near them and all three were interested in going. 

The zoo wasn’t too big so they easily covered it that afternoon. Aliya wanted to see the wolves and spent several minutes looking into their enclosure. All Yuri could see was a fuzzy tail lying out in the sun but Aliya was pretty excited. 

They walked through the lizard and insect house, spending only a few minutes there. They were pretty cool but Aliya wasn’t a fan of the tarantula. Not that Yuri had much interest there either, but while Aliya and Otabek hurried through, Yuri got the chance to empty his pockets of all the petals. He didn’t need them falling out at inopportune times and revealing his illness to the world. 

Otabek smiled to himself when they walked by the bear enclosure and then Aliya dragged him over to take a closer look. The bears were much more active than the wolves. One sauntered over to look at the three of them. Aliya put her hand up against the glass and the bear looked at her almost inquisitively. Yuri and Otabek laughed at that. The Yuri spent a minute coughing into his hands. He hated that he couldn’t even enjoy a trip to the zoo without his illness affecting him.

The last animals they saw were the tigers. There were four of them, all laying out in the sun. Yuri watched them all with rapt attention. Tigers were easily his favorite animals and it was a treat to be able to see them. 

“Aww,” Aliya said. Yuri turned to look at her but she wasn’t looking at the tigers. She was looking at her brother. Otabek looked back at her with a straight face. 

“Aren’t the tigers amazing, Beka?” Yuri asked. 

“Yes, they are,” Otabek replied. 

They all spent a little time in the gift shop and walking through the zoo. Yuri was admiring the bear plushies on the wall. He thought about buying one for Otabek but he knew he couldn’t. It would be way too obvious. Besides, he’d never be able to do it without Otabek noticing. 

Aliya ended up buying something that she carefully guarded from the both of them. Yuri thought he saw some fluff in her bag so maybe she was embarrassed about buying a stuffed animal. Yuri didn’t particularly care.

They ended up getting dinner together which Yuri definitely enjoyed. It was nice to watch Aliya and Otabek interact outside of her posting pictures of him to Instagram without permission. Yuri didn’t have any siblings but he would have liked to have a relationship like the one Otabek and Aliya had. Mila didn’t count. 

Aliya excused herself to the bathroom before the food came out. Once she was out of sight, Otabek turned to Yuri. “Do you mind that I brought her with us?”

Yuri was a little frustrated by that question. On one hand, Otabek did care about what he thought. And he considered this their time by asking. On the other hand, it was a little late to be asking as they had all just spent the afternoon together. It didn’t matter what Yuri thought now.

“Of course not,” Yuri lied, “She’s nice. I’m glad I got to meet her.”

“I am too,” Otabek said with a smile. 

“You didn’t bring any of your other siblings did you?” Yuri asked quickly. He didn’t think he’d be able to meet the family without a proper date first. 

Otabek chuckled. “No. My brother and sister are back in Kazakhstan.”

“You have such a big family,” Yuri said, “It must be nice.”

“It is until your little sister keeps hacking into your social media.”

“I resent that remark,” Aliya said as she returned. 

“But you do it,” Otabek replied. 

“Yes. I still resent the hostile tone in which it was said.” Otabek gave her a dry, expressionless look for a few moments and then looked back at Yuri. Yuri couldn’t help but find it funny and laughed a little, which led into coughing. 

“That doesn’t sound good,” Aliya said as Yuri coughed into the napkin. 

“You’ve been coughing for a long time,” Otabek commented. 

“Maybe you have Hanahaki,” Aliya suggested, “In the early stages, it’s just a bad cough.”

Yuri choked on his own spit, making him cough worse. She couldn’t have figured it out from just one afternoon!

“I’d know if I had Hanahaki,” Yuri replied when his coughing fit ended. Already, he needed to cough again but suppressed the urge. 

“You’re probably right,” Aliya said, “I had a friend with Hanahaki. It’s a scary thing.”

Yuri’s phone buzzed with a notification. He turned to look at it to see Otabek had tagged him in an Instagram post. Yuri scowled at Aliya, who burst into giggles.

“What did you do?” Otabek asked darkly, as he turned to glare at his sister. Yuri unlocked his phone to look at the post. It was a picture of him and Otabek while Aliya was supposedly in the bathroom. She had come back pretty quickly. Maybe she'd just left to take the picture. But it was a nice picture. He and Otabek were looking at each other, smiling and happy. Aliya hadn’t added a caption but had tagged him and the Grand Prix Final. The post already had hundreds of likes. 

“This,” Yuri said and showed Otabek his phone. He just sighed.

“Aliya.”

“It’s a good picture and I hadn’t uploaded one today. We could have taken a selfie at the zoo but we didn’t so this was the next best thing.” 

Yuri started coughing again. Based on the picture, it looked like he and Otabek were on a date. If only the picture reflected reality better. 

Their food arrived shortly after. Aliya didn’t upload any more pictures because they watched her far too closely. Yuri didn’t like being part of her scheme to upload pictures of her brother without permission.

If nothing else, she liked him. And Yuri would need Aliya’s approval if he was going to date Otabek. He hoped that would be sooner rather than later.

* * *

Yuri didn’t like his costume. It was so boring compared to the one he wore to his free skate. Besides, the sparkles were ridiculous. Yes, he was a figure skater and hated the sparkles. 

And his hairstyle was boring too. It wasn’t the elegant, flashy, almost ridiculous updo he wore for his free program. It was just in a ponytail. Of course, the similarities between him and Viktor disturbed him a little. So he didn’t like how he looked for his short program. 

Yuri coughed and that was how he attracted Otabek’s attention. He was talking with his coach as his sister stood close by. But when Otabek looked at him, he smiled. 

“You nervous yet?” Yuri teased.

“No. Are you?”

Yuri scoffed. “I haven’t been nervous in years.” Ignoring how nervous he had felt when he’d seen Otabek for the first time after getting sick, that statement was true. 

“Yuri, your costume is amazing,” Aliya said, “Can I have a picture? I’ll put it on my brother’s Instagram.”

Otabek turned to her with a vaguely angry expression. 

Aliya met his gaze, “What?”

“Come on, Beka, let’s take a picture together,” Yuri said as he took off his jacket. Otabek shrugged and walked over to him. He threw his arm around Yuri’s shoulders and Yuri tried to pretend he was okay and not freaking out.

“Smile,” Aliya said. Yuri heard the click of the camera and then she set to work uploading it.

“Why don’t you just change your password?” Yuri asked Otabek.

“She’d get it again anyway,” he replied.

“I am amazing that way,” Aliya said, bent over her phone. Otabek walked back over to her and ruffled her hair. 

“Beka, quit it,” she whined. Otabek smiled in response. 

Thomas, Seung Gil, and Leo were all in the first half so Yuri and Otabek had some time to kill. They ended up watching the first half on a TV with several other people. Michele and Emil were there, solely to cheer on Sara. The three competing skaters were in and out as they performed but watched with them when they could. Aliya went to find a seat and watch it live, which Yuri was happy about. He liked keeping Otabek to himself. 

Everyone did pretty well but then it was Yuri’s turn. He ran to the bathroom as Leo performed to cough up as many petals as he could. It was getting worse by the day. All he wanted was to be healthy again. He wasn’t going to let this stop him but it would be so much easier to win if he wasn’t sick!

Once he left the bathroom, he immediately felt the urge to cough again. But Yakov found him and scolded him for disappearing so close to his turn. Yuri just let him lecture. It was easier than fighting back, especially when his excuse was that he was sick.

Yuri walked into the rink just as Leo finished. The crowd cheered for him as he left the ice and Yuri stepped on. The light caught the sparkles on his costume. He really liked the other one better. 

“Next on the ice, representing Russia, Yuri Plisetsky!” Yuri skated to the center of the rink, letting the cheers from the audience wash over him. This was his moment. He needed a good score to succeed but he knew he could do it.

His lungs felt like they were going to explode. 

He was only skating for two and a half minutes. 

“Yuri, davai!” 

Yuri threw a thumbs up to Otabek. When did he come into the rink?

The music started, the quick tempo worrying Yuri already. His step sequence began, Yuri trying to keep it together as best he could. He tried to smile, tried not to let it show how weak he felt. 

He was messing up and he knew it. The moves weren’t as clean as usual. It hurt to breathe.

The first jump was coming up and Yuri was already exhausted. He leapt into it, not even thinking about keeping an arm raised. He just wanted to land it.

And he did. He wanted to cough so badly but he had to hold it in. He could do it. If he wanted to win he had to.

Yuri knew as soon as he jumped that he wasn’t going to land the quad toe loop. And that meant he’d miss the second jump in the combination. The deduction to his score would be massive. 

It happened as he expected; he hit the cold ice on his side. He had to bite his lip to keep from coughing or shrieking. So he just got back on his feet and continued. 

He could add the triple axel to the last jump. It was dumb, especially since he had just messed up and he was so tired but he had to try. Yuri Plisetsky didn’t just give up!

Yuri stuck an arm in the air as he jumped. He landed the triple toe loop and launched into the triple axel. He over-rotated but stayed on his feet. That was all that mattered. He wouldn’t have a great score but as long as he wasn’t in last place. He could still pull through in the free program.

He did his final pose and everyone applauded. Yuri didn’t feel worthy of their praise. It was a piss-poor performance but it was the best he could do. He still wanted to win. 

J.J. stood at the edge of the rink, waiting for his turn. It was a miracle that Otabek had beaten him and was going last. He still wasn’t used to the hideous color of his costume.

“It’s too bad you didn’t do well,” J.J. said. It was the most civil thing that had ever come out of his mouth but Yuri was in no mood.

“I was blinded by your costume,” Yuri shot back and got off the ice. 

Yakov and Lilia escorted him to the kiss and cry for his score. Yakov was lecturing him about his performance. He knew he’d done poorly but at least he’d somewhat saved it somewhat at the end. He’d get some points for having a combination at the end of his program.

“The score for Yuri Plisetsky: 89.57. He is currently in second place.”

Yuri took a deep breath. He wanted to cough but not with the cameras on him. It was okay. He could work with that. He’d been in fourth place last time and had come in second. He could make it first this time. But there was no way that Otabek and J.J. wouldn’t beat his score. 

Yuri hurried out of the kiss and cry. He needed to find a dark corner to empty his lungs. 

“Yuri,” Lilia said just as he wanted to sneak off.

“Next on the ice, representing Canada: Jean-Jacques Leroy!”

“Yeah,” Yuri said.

“What is wrong?”

“What?” Yuri asked, annoyed. He wanted to cough up all the petals. His lungs were burning. 

“You have not scored this low in your senior skating career. What is wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” 

“Then why are you achieving such low scores?” 

Yakov looked at Yuri, the anger clear on his face. “Your programs have only gotten worse since Skate America,” he added.

“I don’t know,” Yuri said, “I’m trying my best.” That much, at least, was true. Finally, his lungs couldn’t take it and he coughed. He hoped the petals weren’t slipping through his hands. He stopped it as soon as he could and looked back at Lilia and Yakov’s concerned faces. Not angry anymore, but concerned. 

“You need to see a doctor,” Yakov said, “You’ve been coughing for months.”

“I’m okay,” Yuri insisted, “I’ll see a doctor when we’re back in Russia.” It was actually a check-up but he still wasn’t lying. He just wanted his illness to be over. He wanted Otabek to love him.

J.J. finished and the rink exploded in applause. Yuri realized he hadn’t seen any of his performance and he didn’t care. Everyone loved the two time Grand Prix gold medalist. They loved J.J. like they had once loved Viktor.

“I have to wish my friend luck,” Yuri said, stepping past his coaches and back into the arena. J.J. was getting off the ice with a smile on his face. Otabek was glaring at him and Yuri had never felt so proud to be his friend. He made a good choice in who he sacrificed his ability to breathe to. 

Otabek threw off his jacket to reveal his costume. The shades of blue contrasted well with his dark hair and dark eyes. He was so beautiful it made Yuri’s chest hurt. 

“The score for Jean-Jacques Leroy: 120.22. He is currently in first place. He has beaten the world record for a short program set by Viktor Nikiforov.” 

Yuri’s jaw dropped. How the fuck had he beaten Viktor’s record? How dare he! There was so little of Viktor left after three years and now he was disappearing. Yuri didn’t want to disappear. He didn’t want to die and leave nothing but records made to be broken. That was Viktor’s legacy. The petals he coughed up and the records that were being broken. How dare J.J. take even more of Viktor away from them!

He and his parents were celebrating in the kiss and cry. The rink was going crazy. Isabella ran into the kiss and cry and kissed her husband. 

Yuri didn’t want this to bother him as much as it did. 

“Next on the ice, representing Kazakhstan: Otabek Altin.” Otabek skated out and Yuri ran to the edge of the rink. 

Big mistake. 

Yuri needed to cough so badly but he only had seconds. “Beka, da-” He couldn’t finish the word. He started coughing into his hands, bent in half unable to see the ice. He couldn’t wish Otabek luck. 

“Otabek, davai!” As he coughed, recognized the voice. Aliya was the one calling. Yuri needed to wish him luck. It was the one thing that he had that no one else did. The ‘davai’ and thumbs up was their thing, their sign of friendship. Why was he losing everything?

The music started and Yuri realized it was too late. 

“Yuri.” Yuri turned around to see Mila there. She looked concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Yuri replied. He couldn’t show them just how miserable he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the school year, when I was bored in class, I drew Yuri's costumes and hairstyles for his programs as well as Otabek's free program costume. I'll post them on my tumblr is anyone is curious.   
> Thank you for reading. Please keep leaving comments and kudos. I really do appreciate them. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri's free skate music is [I Was King](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pN4CuOPyEo) by ONE OK ROCK. I recommend listening to it during that part of the story.

Yuri tried to sit still. But Lilia was yanking his hair and it hurt like hell. It took a lot of work to get it to look as good as it did for his free program. Mila was in the room with him, trying to help out. Her hair was nice and short so she didn’t even need to worry about hairstyles, so long as it was somewhat neat. 

Mila was braiding a large chunk of his hair as Lilia attempted to pull the rest back into a ponytail. They were changing up his hairstyle for the day’s program. Today, he’d have one braid going across his head and then a braid wrapping up his ponytail. From there, he’d still have individual strands braided, like before, but the scattered braids across his head were gone. He’d look a little different but he was looking forward to it. And as soon as Lilia finished pulling hair, he’d be happy. 

Mila finished the braid and put it across the top of his head, sticking in bobby pins to keep it in place. They scraped painfully across his scalp. He tensed up but neither Mila not Lilia seemed to notice. 

Yuri bent over to cough. He was lucky his pajama pants had pockets.

“Yuri, hold still,” Lilia said.

“Sorry. I needed to cough.”

The ponytail was secured and the bobby pins were pushed in on that end. Then they grabbed at his hair to make the little braids.

Yakov was in the corner of the room, just watching. Yuri knew he looked ridiculous in nothing but his pajamas and this hairstyle. But they didn’t want him in his costume yet. And since it just zipped up, it would be easy to put on later. 

Yuri had to sit still for an hour as they tried to do his hair but the end result was amazing. He was ready for the multitude of compliments he was going to get. He got changed and all four of them headed down to the hotel lobby. Otabek and Aliya were already there, chatting together. 

Aliya noticed them first and squealed. “Yuri! Your hair is so cool! You look amazing!” Otabek just smiled at him. But that was a compliment in and of itself. 

Yakov didn’t say anything when Yuri wandered over to them, thank god. And, by some miracle, neither did Mila.

“I’m going to watch the women’s event,” Yuri said, “Come with me?”

“Yes!” Aliya said excitedly. Then she looked to Otabek for permission.

“Sure,” he said. 

“This is going to be so amazing!” she squealed, “I get to watch the women’s free skate of the Grand Prix Final in person! I’m so excited.”

“Make sure to root for me,” Mila said in a singsong. 

“Nah, I’m rooting for Sara,” Yuri replied. Then he smirked at her.

“Or my girlfriend, that works too,” Mila said. 

They walked to the arena together but then Mila went to complete and Otabek, Yuri, and Aliya all went to find seats. They found Michele, Emil, Guang-Hong, and Leo already in the stands. They all sat together. Yuri tried to ignore the fact that of all the male skaters, only he and Otabek weren’t a couple. With any luck, soon. 

Thomas came to join them too. As the women were in the five minute warm up, he came up the steps. “Wow, Yuri, your hair is amazing,” he said. 

Yuri smiled from the compliment. “Thanks.”

“Good luck today,” Thomas said with a smile, “Your free program is amazing. J.J.’s gonna have to watch out.”

“Damn right he will,” Yuri replied. 

“He’ll have to,” Otabek added. 

“I hope you like silver, Yuri,” Aliya added, “Because someone else is getting gold.” Otabek smirked at her comment.

The women’s free skate was amazing. Mila did phenomenally and so did Sara. Michele also did well not pissing everyone off when his sister was on the ice. Having Emil around helped to calm him down.

Sara took first place with Mila in second. And Yuri felt proud of her. He’d have to congratulate her. 

As the program changed, Leo, Otabek, Yuri, and Thomas all stood up to perform. Leo got a kiss from his boyfriend. Aliya gave Otabek a hug and wished them all luck. And it was time.

Yuri’s heart was pounding and not just because he was standing next to Otabek. This was it. He was going to win Grand Prix gold and then fix his Hanahaki. He just had to get past this. 

Thomas was going first. He was a strong competitor but among this crowd, he wouldn’t make it. But it was his first GPF. No one could blame him for not doing too well. 

Next was Seung Gil. He was cool and calculating. Yuri could see him adding up his score in his head. But he was good. Both he and Thomas had good scores. And then it was Yuri’s turn.

He’d emptied out his lungs during Thomas’s turn but they still burned.  Yuri never felt nervous performing except for that moment. He wanted to win. He wanted to beat his Hanahaki. It all relied on this one performance. 

“Next on the ice, representing Russia: Yuri Plisetsky.”

This was it. Yuri’s heart was beating like crazy. 

“Yuri, davai!” He gave Otabek the thumbs up and noticed his hand was shaking. 

He got into position in the center of the rink. And the music began.

Four minutes.

Yuri put on a serious face for the start of the song. He didn’t have to fake it.

_ “We say tonight ‘no going back’.” _

The start of the step sequence was fine. Yuri knew he could do this. It wouldn’t be for long. He just had to control the shaking. His nerves were getting the better of him. He wasn’t Yuuri. He wasn’t Yuuri.

_ “ _ _ 遠回りも寄り道も _ _ ” _

The first jump was coming up.

_ “ _ _ すべてのことに意味があって _ _ ” _

Yuri could do this.

_ “ _ _ 空回りもその痛みも _ _ ” _

He was going to win gold!

_ “When am I, when am I gonna stop this dream?!” _

He would never admit the reason he chose the Japanese version of the song.

_ “When I was king!” _

Yuri jumped. He landed the quad salchow with surprising ease. He even landed with an arm in the air. The audience applauded the jump.

Yuri’s lungs hurt but he could keep going. He had to.

He launched into a spin, his brain clearing. The anxiety was melting away. He could do this. So long as his lungs could hold out he could do it.  He was the king on the ice. And he smiled. 

The spin ended and the next jumps were coming. Triple loop landed beautifully. Triple salchow. Sloppy but serviceable. 

_ “Something to live for, make it our nights. Shut down the sirens in our heads.” _

Yuri could play the role. He was the king who refused to lose everything. He would never give up and he was ready to tell everyone in the audience that. 

A triple axel, landed with two arms raised. The audience was eating it up. He hadn’t even fallen yet. He probably would as he continued skating but he was doing so well. He would medal for sure. Maybe even first. 

_ “When I was king, I was king, we had everything.” _

He chose the song at least partly for the king motif. If J.J. thought himself king, Yuri was going to fight him for the title. 

_ “If I go down, I will go down fighting. I’ll go down, down like lightning.” _

Yuri was most of the way through the song. He did his flying sit spin. He was killing his lungs and all he wanted was to cough. But he had the bridge and the final chorus to go. He could do it. 

The spin ended and Yuri had his quad toe loop. He prepared for it. It was the last jump. Just one more.

_ “When am I, when am I gonna stop this dream?”  _

Yuri didn’t make it.

_ “When I was king!” _

He fell onto the ice.

_ “When I was king!” _

The petals were forced out of his lungs.

_ “When I was king!” _

He watched them scatter before his eyes but he didn’t think of the consequences. He just had to cough. He tried to sit up but he could barely move. Everything ached. His lungs burned as they forced all the petals up. Yuri watched the petals fall onto the ice. He couldn’t stop them.

The entire world was watching him and he just coughed, not bothering to cover his mouth anymore. He sat up, leaning towards his left side. 

Something caught in his throat.

Yuri had known it was going to happen for a long time. That didn’t mean he was prepared when it did. He immediately put a hand on his throat, let everyone know he was choking. He tried coughing but made no sound. He couldn’t breathe.

The music cut off but he didn’t care. He was panicking. His heart was racing. He sat himself up, made a fist under his rib cage and tried to self-heimlich. It wasn’t working. He still couldn’t breathe. The flower wasn’t coming up. 

Yuri’s mind started going blank. He didn’t have the strength to sit up anymore. His arms fell at his sides and he collapsed back onto the ice. As his eyes closed, he heard someone say his name.

* * *

Blades on ice. 

Blue and pink.

They’re sad. 

He doesn’t understand.

* * *

Yuri woke up to the sound of a steady beeping. He opened his eyes but his vision was blurry. There was a lot of white in front of him but he couldn’t make out specifics. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. 

His eyes shot open as he bent double and coughed. There was a dull pain in his nose and he realized he had a nasal cannula. He leaned over as far as he could.  Flower petals scattered everywhere, littering the bed in yellow. 

He stopped his coughing and sat back up. He could feel the line go over his ears and down the side of his face. He also realized that his hair was still in place from the competition. 

Slowly, Yuri reached his arms up and started pulling out bobby pins. He had a small collection in his lap by the time the first braid fell. He took out the hair tie and slowly unbraided it. The lock of hair was wavy and he knew he looked ridiculous with the rest of his hair up but he didn’t care.

He reached up and pulled out more pins. His bangs fell next, blocking out the vision in his right eye. Then he started work on the bulk of his hair. 

Yuri didn’t know how long it took until all his hair was free. He probably looked like a nightmare but what did it matter?

His secret was out. It was all over. He lost the competition. Everyone knew he had Hanahaki. He’d coughed up a flower and ended up in the hospital. That had to be where he was. He could remember choking on the ice and passing out. 

Worst of all, he was done skating. Now that Yakov knew, he’d throw Yuri off the ice, just like he’d done to Viktor. And Yuri felt scared. He didn’t want to lose skating, even if he was sick.

He took a deep breath. He didn’t know what to do.

A nurse walked into the room. She smiled when she saw Yuri.

“You’re awake,” she said, “That’s good. Do you know what happened?”

“I-” Yuri stumbled on the word. He knew it in his head but he’d never said it out loud before. “I have Hanahaki disease. I choked on a flower and passed out.”

“That’s right,” the nurse said. She started examining him. “What is your name?”

“Yuri Plisetsky. I’m a figure skater.” He moved away from her as she got closer. She put a hand on him to keep him close.

“Good. When were you born?”

“March first, two thousand one.”

“You seem okay now,” the nurse said.

“What happened to the costume I was wearing?” Yuri asked. He liked that costume, especially compared to his short program one.

“I don’t know. It was probably cut off when you got here.”

“Okay.” He was losing everything. What was one costume?

“Feel free to watch TV if you’d like,” the nurse said, gesturing towards the TV in his room. She handed him the remote. 

“Thanks,” Yuri said. He waited until she left before doing just that. It took some channel flipping but he eventually found the coverage of the Grand Prix Final.

J.J. had come in first again. Normally, Yuri would feel angry but he just felt tired.  Otabek was in second and Seung Gil had come in third. Leo was in fourth and Thomas in fifth. Yuri’s name was all the way at the bottom, with just 89.57. He hadn’t completed his program so he didn’t have a score. It hurt to look at it but he couldn’t do anything about it. He was sick. And he’d never felt so weak.

They were doing the coverage before the exhibition programs at the GPF. The women were going first. 

There was a knock at the door. Yuri turned to look but Lilia was already in the room, followed by Yakov. Yuri’s heart raced. It was going to happen. He had the image in his mind of Viktor being dragged into Yakov’s office after he had choked on the ice. Now that was him. He’d never wanted to turn into Viktor but here he was, more like the idiot every day. He hated it.

“Yuri,” Lilia said. Yuri didn’t answer. He didn't meet her eyes and said nothing. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were sick?” Yakov asked. He didn’t sound angry, which was a miracle. 

“Why do you think?” Yuri answered. He crossed his arms and tried not to look at either of them. He felt like he was being double teamed. 

“Yuri,” Yakov said in a warning tone.

“Was I supposed to allow you to throw me out?  Just like Viktor? So I’m stuck at home with nothing but my cough and my misery? I had to keep skating.” It was the only way he could cure himself, but he wasn’t going to say that. “I didn’t want to be like Viktor.”

Yakov sighed. He looked at Lilia and they exchanged a glance Yuri didn’t understand. 

“Making Vitya leave is the biggest mistake I have ever made,” Yakov said. Yuri snapped his head to look at him. He was confused. Why was Yakov saying this? “You know Viktor didn’t have a family. He had nothing but skating and I told him to go. I thought he wouldn’t chose Yuuri over skating.”

“But he did,” Yuri said.

“He did. If I had been supportive, I have no doubts that he would still be alive.” 

“And so would Yuuri,” Yuri whispered. Neither Lilia nor Yakov seemed to have heard him.

“I will not abandon another of my students,” Yakov said.

“I’m too sick to skate,” Yuri replied. As if to prove it, he coughed. 

“You are,” Lilia agreed.

“But that doesn’t mean you’re not welcome back,” Yakov said, “Don’t push yourself. But if you need to come, you can.”

“We're here for you,” Lilia added.

“T-Thank you.” Yuri never suspected that he’d have that kind of support. He had been so scared of Yakov’s reaction and it was all for nothing.

“Let me in!” Someone shouted from the hallway. All three of them turned to look. 

“Miss, you’re not allowed in.”

“He’s my brother!” the person said, “Let me see him!” 

“ _ Miss. _ ”

“I’m Mila Plisetskaya and I’m Yuri Plisetsky’s older sister. I know he’s in that room. Let me in.” There was the sound of someone being shoved and the door was thrown open. Mila stood there, dressed in her costume for her exhibition piece and her Russian team jacket. 

“Yuri!” she cried and ran to his side. She pulled him in for a hug, pushing his head into her chest. It was awkward but the sentiment was there. 

“Miss,” a nurse said as he ran in, “I’m so sorry. I’ll call security.”

“She’s my sister,” Yuri snapped, “I want her here.”

Everyone looked at the nurse, waiting for his next move. He sighed. “Alright. But visiting hours end at ten.” He closed the door to the room. 

“Mila!” Yakov snapped, back to his usual angry self, “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here for Yuri,” she snapped back. Then she let go of the man in her clutches. “Yuri, are you okay? I watched you choke on the ice and I’d never felt so scared. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Yuri said, “I’m alive. I-” He started coughing. Mila frowned and took a seat. 

“You’re supposed to be doing your exhibition program,” Yakov said.

“And not be there for Yuri?” Mila shook her head. “He’s like a brother to me. I had to visit.”

“And kill the guards,” Yuri added.

She laughed. “Exactly.”

Yakov and Lilia sighed. “We’ll be back tomorrow, Yuri,” Yakov said.

Yuri nodded. He hadn’t realized that he’d be spending the night in the hospital. 

“Mila, I expect you to be at the banquet,” Yakov said next. 

“I’ll be there,” she said.

The two coaches left the room. Mila took the opportunity to sit on the bed. “Can I lie down next to you?” she asked.

Yuri shrugged. She took that as a yes and lay down. It was a little cramped but Mila moved to accommodate him. 

“Are you uncomfortable?” she asked.

“No,” Yuri replied.

“Okay.” She looked at the TV. “Let’s watch the exhibition skate.”

They lay in silence and watched the TV. They laughed a little as the announcer called Mila’s name and she didn’t appear. After a minute of confusion, they moved on to Sara. 

“She’s so pretty,” Mila said dreamily.

Yuri sighed. 

The music filled the room in place of their voices. Sara’s exhibition skate was complicated but she was amazing. 

“Who is it?” Mila asked.

“Hmm?”

“Who are you in love with?” Mila was lying on her side to make sure there was enough room for the two of them but she still turned to look at Yuri.

“I-”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she said. 

“It’s Otabek,” Yuri replied.

She nodded. “I thought so.”

“Don’t tell him.”

“I won’t.” 

“I hope he visits me,” Yuri said.

“Me too.” They lapsed back into silence. The women’s exhibition skate ended and the men’s began. Seung Gil appeared on screen first. He looked as cold as ever, even though he got third place in the GPF.

“Why did you miss your exhibition skate?” Yuri asked.

“Because you’re more important,” Mila replied.

“You’re making me sick,” Yuri said.

“Awwww, little brother,” Mila said and pulled Yuri close. He sighed. It was be easier if he wasn’t covered in wires. “I escaped. Once Yakov and Lilia went to the hospital, I went after them. Sara said she understood.”

Mila hadn’t even bothered getting changed. Her legs were completely bare in America, in December. She had probably been freezing when she went to the hospital. 

“Thanks,” Yuri said. 

Seung Gil’s program was nothing special. He and Mila said nothing. 

But then Otabek’s started. He looked so handsome in his costume. It was a collared black shirt with at least half the buttons undone and black pants. Yuri thought he was going to run out of air. 

Mila noticed and covered his eyes. “Don’t look. Yuri!”

“Bitch, let go of my face!” Yuri replied. Nothing was going to stop him from watching this. 

Mila giggled. “Will you be okay?” 

“I will be when I can see him again.” 

Mila removed her hands. Yuri’s heart leapt into his throat but he didn’t cough. He wanted to watch.

The music started and Yuri realized that he recognized it. He had shown it to Otabek a few months ago.

“I showed him that song,” he said.

“Hmm,” Mila replied, “You must mean a lot to him.”

“I’m lying in a hospital bed because of my unrequited love. Emphasis on the unrequited,” Yuri said, “I don’t mean enough to him.”

Otabek was skating so well. He was beautiful, so much so it hurt.

“Oh,” Yuri said. Mila turned to him.  “I can’t do my exhibition piece now.”

“Mercy,” Mila said.

“Yeah. Mercy was for him.”

“I’m sorry, Yuri.”

Otabek finished and the audience applauded for him. Yuri couldn’t help but smile. And that made Mila smile.

“And now, the three-time Grand Prix gold medalist, Jean-Jacques Leroy.” J.J. skated on screen with a cocky expression. He did the J.J. style pose.

“Hey, Mila, hand me the remote,” Yuri said blankly. 

“Want me to change the channel?” she asked, handing it to him.

“No, it’s okay,” Yuri replied. He pulled the arm with the remote back and aimed.

“Yuri, no!” Mila grabbed his arm before he could throw the remote at the TV.

* * *

Mila did keep her promise to Yakov and left soon after the exhibition skate ended so she could get ready for the banquet. Yuri felt lonely in the room but at least Mila had brought his phone for him. It helped kill some of the loneliness. 

He took a picture of nothing but the white sheet he was laying under. He published it to Instagram with the caption  _ I’m okay.  _  The post took off pretty quickly so Yuri shut off his notifications for Instagram. 

He wanted to text Otabek but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew he was at the banquet, talking to potential sponsors and introducing his sister to everyone there. She was probably having the time of her life. And Yuri was stuck in a hospital. 

He sighed. What could he do? He was stuck there until the next day, when he’d be released so he could go back to Russia. 

His grandfather had texted him and Yuri had called him back. He hadn’t been pleased to find out that Yuri was sick by watching him skate at the Grand Prix Final but they’d agreed to postpone that talk until Yuri was out of the hospital. 

It was too early for Yuri to sleep but he didn’t have anything else to do. He just wanted to be free.

There was a knock at his door. For a moment, Yuri dared to hope.

“Come in,” he said. The door opened and Michele and Emil walked in. Neither of them looked happy to be there and they certainly weren’t the guests Yuri wanted. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. It came out harsher than he intended.

Michele didn’t look happy about that. He was about to say something when Emil jumped in, “We’re here to visit you.”

“Thanks,” Yuri said unenthusiastically. 

“If you’re going to be rude about it,” Michele said.

Yuri interrupted, “No. Don’t leave. Thank you for coming.” 

Emil and Michele exchanged the most bewildered look. Yuri sighed. He, the Russian Punk, had not been mean for once in his life. What a miracle!

“We wanted to talk to you about your illness,” Michele  said,“Emil said we should come so I agreed.”

“Thanks,” Yuri said, “Are you missing the banquet to visit me?”

“Yeah,” Emil said, “But that’s okay. I have some things to tell you. About Hanahaki.”

“You’re almost lucky you’re sick now,” Michele said, “When Emil was sick, they didn’t have any of the medication they have now.”

“It was three years ago, right?” Yuri asked.

“That’s right,” Emil said, “It was when Yuuri was sick too.”

Yuri flinched from the name. He hoped they didn’t notice. 

“As someone who almost died from Hanahaki, I have some advice for you,” Emil said, his joking persona gone.

“Okay,” Yuri said, “Shoot.”

“You don’t have to tell me who it is,” Emil said, “but do they know?”

“No.”

“Don’t wait. It almost killed me because Mickey didn’t know. Tell them as soon as you can.”

“I-Okay,” Yuri said with a nod.

Emil gave him some advice for keeping his coughing under control, as well as tips for when he’d cough up flowers. Yuri paid close attention. He was going to cough up more flowers and he couldn’t suffocate on them anymore. This was bad enough. 

They ended up staying until visiting hours ended and a nurse came to collect them. They wished Yuri luck, reiterating that he had to tell his beloved soon. Yuri agreed. He would tell Otabek soon. As soon as he saw him again. 

After they left, Yuri went to sleep. Once it was a new day, he could leave the hospital and pretend that not everything had gone to shit in just one day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it finally happened. Poor Yuri.  
> Otabek's exhibition music is [Take This City](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebFIqzifP4o) by Everfound ft. Joel Smallbone. I highly recommend it.  
> Thank you for reading. Please keep leaving comments and kudos. They really do mean a lot. Thank you. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you like angst with your turkey. :)

Yuri rolled his suitcase into the house. He knew what was coming and it only made coming home that much harder. He coughed into his hand and stuffed the petals into his pocket. He knew he didn’t need to hide anymore but old habits die hard. 

Sasha sat on her favorite spot on the couch. And Nikolai was reading the newspaper next to her. He frowned when Yuri started coughing. 

“Yurochka,” he said.

“Grandpa,” Yuri replied. He could hear the disappointment in his grandfather’s voice. That stung.

Nikolai got his crutches and struggled to get to his feet. “I’ll come over,” Yuri said and closed the front door. He ran over but Nikolai was already on his feet. Yuri was pulled into an awkward hug. 

“Yurochka,” Nikolai said, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought I could fix it,” Yuri replied, “I didn’t want to worry you. It was fine for a while and then you broke your hip and I moved it and you were worried enough.”

“Yurochka, look at me.” Yuri made eye contact with his grandfather. “I watched you almost choke to death on TV.  Do you know what that was like, to watch my grandson dying?”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri replied, “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“I know you didn’t.” Nikolai paused. “Yurochka, I think you need to move back in with your coach.”

“What?” Yuri stumbled back in surprise. “I can’t. What about you?” Yuri knew he had friends who lived nearby, which was why Yuri could go anywhere in the world to skate and still be sure his grandfather was okay. But Yuri had to be there at least most of the time.

“I’m not as young as I once was,” Nikolai said, “And I cannot be a burden to you, especially now.”

“I can still take care of you,” Yuri said, “I can’t skate anymore so I can stay here all the time. We’ll be fine.”

Yuri could see it in his face; Nikolai was getting angry. “Yurochka, if you choke again, I can’t save you. You need to move back in with your coaches, at least until you’re well.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Yuri replied. Sasha scampered out of the room. 

“Think about your own health,” Nikolai snapped, “You will deteriorate unless you have your love returned. Have you put any thought to that?” He coughed.

“That’s why I didn’t say anything,” Yuri snapped back, “If I couldn’t skate, I couldn’t see him.”

“Who is it?” Nikolai’s voice softened, “Yurochka.”

“Otabek Altin,” Yuri replied, “He got silver at the Grand Prix Final.” He paused. “I was afraid that if people found out, then they’d stop me from skating. If I can’t see him, I can’t make him fall in love with me.”

His grandfather looked defeated. 

“Having Hanahaki is taking everything from me. My career, my health. I was going to win gold until I fell. I won’t allow it to take me away from you.” Yuri knew he’d won the argument. He knew he couldn’t live without his grandfather and he didn’t think his grandfather could live without him either. After all, they were the only family the other had left. And Yuri refused to leave him.

Nikolai let him go and Yuri went to put his suitcase back in his room. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

* * *

Yuri decided that he was going to take a break from social media. His fans were extremely vocal about their worry for him and while it was kinda nice, it also blocked out everything else. Yuri kept his eye on Otabek’s feed and nothing else. The most recent pictures were the professional ones taken at the GPF, a picture of Aliya, Otabek, and a stuffed animal she had given him after his performance, and one of his silver medal. He was still as alive on social media as he had been, even if it was probably Aliya posting everything. 

Otabek had sent him one text since the GPF. It had only been a few days since but Yuri did find that insulting. He had not visited him while he was in the hospital. Yuri knew he had the exhibition skate and the banquet and his little sister. But he could have come. He could have and he didn’t and that made Yuri upset. And one little text wasn’t going to make up for that. 

_ How are you?  _ How was Yuri supposed to respond? That he was fine, just dying? No big deal? Yuri had noticed the text when he’d woken up the morning he was going back to Russia. Otabek had texted him during the banquet. But it had been days and Yuri was debating replying. He was insulted but Otabek was his best friend. He had to say something.

_ I’m alive.  _ It was very similar to the last thing he’d posted on Instagram. He didn’t know if Otabek would respond immediately, if at all. Sasha was curled up next to Yuri on the bed. It was pretty early in the morning, but he knew Otabek would be awake. But that didn’t mean he would answer straight away.  So Yuri put his phone down and pet his cat. She purred from the affection.

Yuri’s phone vibrated. He immediately looked at it to see that Otabek wanted to video message. He hit the receive button and the video loaded. 

Otabek was in his room. Yuri recognized it from all the Skype calls. Morning light streamed in from his left. Yuri could see the bear he’d gotten Otabek in the background. And that made him smile.

“Yura. Are you alright? Why didn’t you say something?” Otabek sounded extremely concerned. And that was flattering but then why hadn’t he called earlier?

“Be-” A coughing fit overcame him. Yuri moved the phone over and started hacking up petals. Another flower came up and got stuck in his throat. Yuri panicked for a moment, coughing as hard as he could. The flower finally fell out of his mouth. Spit dribbled on the bed next to it. The flower was soaked in saliva, veins shooting out from the center. The petals transitioned from orange to the bright yellow Yuri had come to easily recognize. He stared at it. This was the first flower he had successfully coughed up. The other he didn’t know what had happened to it. 

“Yura? Yura, are you okay? Yura?” Otabek sounded absolutely panicked. His voice drew Yuri back to his phone. He wiped away the spit from his mouth and picked up his phone again. 

“I’m okay,” he said immediately. 

“Yura, you don’t sound okay,” Otabek said seriously, “You sound sick.”

“I am,” Yuri replied, “I have Hanahaki Disease.” Emil’s words rang in his head.  _ “Tell them as soon as you can.” _ He had to tell Otabek he was the one. But it seemed wrong over the phone. But Yuri didn’t know when he’d see Otabek again. It wasn’t like he’d be competing internationally anymore. 

“I know,” Otabek said, “When you were choking on the ice, I-” He looked sad. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuri said. He didn’t know what else to say. He’d caused a lot of people a lot of pain by almost dying. It felt odd to apologize for it but what else could he do?

“You didn’t tell me,” Otabek replied. 

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why?”

Yuri didn’t have a good answer. He only had the right one. “I didn’t want to worry anyone.” No, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t what he was supposed to say. 

“You failed.” The directness in Otabek’s comment made Yuri tense up. 

“I’m sorry.” He’d been saying that a lot lately. His younger self could barely say it. Even when he’d said those horrible things to Yuuri the day Viktor died, he could barely say the apology. And now, it felt like that was the most natural thing to come out of his mouth. Apologies and petals. 

“Yura, you can tell me anything,” Otabek said, “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Yuri had to keep himself still to prevent flinching. He couldn’t just be friends with Otabek. It would kill him. 

“Of course we are.” Nothing was coming out right. 

“Do you want to tell me who you love?”

“Who said I love anyone?” 

Yuri laughed as Otabek rolled his eyes and then glared at him. It led to a coughing fit but was entirely worth it. 

“Yura,” he said in a warning tone.

“Beka,” Yuri replied. He couldn’t say it this way. Not at six in the morning, talking over a video conference. If Otabek had come to visit him in the hospital, maybe. But not like this. Yuri couldn’t.

“If you don’t want to tell me,” Otabek let the sentence hang. He sounded a little hurt.

“Not yet,” Yuri said. 

“Do you want to tell them first?” 

Yuri paused before answering. “Yes.”

Otabek’s expression remained neutral. “Okay.”

Yuri realized what he had just done. He had done the exact opposite of what Emil had said. Not only had he not told Otabek that he was in love with him, he’d also made him believe that he was in love with someone else. What a way to seduce him! Yuri was an idiot.

“I have to go to practice,” Otabek said sadly.

“Yeah. There are a bunch of competitions coming up,” Yuri replied, “Good luck at practice.”

“Will you attend?” Otabek asked.

Yuri shrugged. “If I can. If you’re gonna be there. Better train up then. Once I’m over this illness, I’m gonna beat your ass.”

That made Otabek smile. His smile was brighter than the sun peaking in behind him. He looked so beautiful when he smiled. Yuri’s heart hurt knowing how far away he was. 

“Hey, maybe when everything’s done, you could visit me,” Yuri said, “I bet Sasha would like to see you again.”

His cat let out a purry meow at the sound of her name. Yuri started scratching behind her ears and the meow turned into a full blown purr. Yuri leaned his phone so that Otabek could see her too.

“I would like that. When the season’s over,” Otabek said.

“Okay,” Yuri replied, knowing he didn’t have that long to live.

“And Yura, I’m sorry I didn’t visit you in the hospital.”

“It’s okay. I know you were busy. Now, go practice. Bring back more medals.” Yuri smiled but it hurt. 

“Okay. Good bye, Yura.”

“Bye, Beka. Don’t be a stranger.” The call ended and Yuri collapsed back onto his bed. Sasha meowed in complaint that he wasn’t petting her anymore. She got up and sat on Yuri’s hand.

“I can’t pet you like that,” he said, gently moving her off so he could pet her properly. He coughed into his sleeve and petals fell on top of him. He brushed them off his face but he felt the urge to cough again. His chest and throat hurt so much. Yuri hated this. He knew he wanted a lot but why did he have to lose everything all at once?

* * *

The next few weeks were busy to say the least. Even if Yuri wanted to go to the rink, he didn’t have the time. His grandfather required his attention and when he didn’t, Yuri was exhausted. Trying to keep up when all he wanted to do was cough his lungs up was killing him. 

And the worst part was that Nikolai had caught the flu. Probably from when he went to physical therapy because otherwise, neither of them really left the house. Nikolai had coughed almost as much as Yuri had. With doctors’ appointments, taking care of his grandfather, and just plain worry, Yuri wasn’t sleeping much anymore. Not to mention his cough barely allowed him to. He was coughing up at least a flower per day. He knew at this point that he definitely wouldn’t be able to skate competitively, if at all. 

Among all the misery, Otabek was a constant. He and Yuri talked on a daily basis. He was constantly asking how Yuri was, how his symptoms were progressing, and how his grandfather was doing. Yuri needed the distraction and Otabek was very distracting. He still couldn’t bring himself to tell Otabek that he was in love with him. The words would just never come out. But Otabek had not asked since who Yuri loved so he could easily keep quiet. 

Other than Otabek and his grandfather, Yuri had very little contact with the outside world. The rink was all but a distant memory. None of the other skaters visited. Yakov called once a week to see how Yuri was doing but other than that, there was nothing. So Yuri really wasn’t expecting a text from Mila.

_ How are you doing?  _ They hadn’t really spoken since the GPF and Yuri didn’t really miss talking to her. But it was a bit of a comfort to see her text.

_ Won’t Yakov get mad if you’re texting? _ Didn’t mean he’d be nice to her though.

_ I have the day off. I thought I’d check on you. _ That was just odd. 

_ I’m fine.  _ Yuri sent the message and decided to add to it.  _ Hag _ . She’d probably appreciate that.

And she did.  _ I’m glad you’re feeling well. I want to see you. Can we meet for lunch? My treat. :D _

Yuri went to his grandfather’s room. Nikolai was reading a book when he knocked. 

“Yurochka,” was his greeting. Sasha was curled up on the end of the bed. 

“Grandpa, a friend wants to see me,” Yuri said, “Will you be alright if I go out for a few hours?”

“Of course I will. You worry too much.” Then he started coughing. 

Yuri hated that cough. He’d gotten over the flu but it hadn’t gone away yet. The doctor said he was fine but Yuri was worried.

“Of course I worry,” Yuri replied, “I’ll get groceries while I’m out. I’ll be back soon.”

He texted Mila back and she sent him to a restaurant close to her home. Yuri took the car as it was too far away to walk to in January. Nationals was already over and he didn’t even want to look at the results. It would hurt too much to know he wouldn’t be included among them. 

Yuri got to the restaurant first. The waitress showed him to a table. It was pretty busy as it was lunchtime. Plenty of men and women sitting at the tables, chatting loudly. Yuri coughed into his hands but no one paid any attention. Not that the whole world didn’t know he had Hanahaki anyway.

“Yuri.” He turned to look at her. Mila was dressed in a thick coat and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. But she was smiling. “It’s good to see you again.” She forced Yuri to stand and hugged him. While he wasn’t comfortable with the proceedings, he allowed it to happen. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks,” Mila said as they took their seats, “What’s happened? Have you told Otabek yet?” 

Yuri looked quickly to see if anyone was paying attention. When he concluded they weren’t, he said, “No. Nothing’s happened. I’m still sick.” He coughed as if to prove it. 

Mila frowned. “How’s your grandfather?” 

“He had the flu two weeks ago. He’s still getting over it.”

“You look tired.”

“I am tired.”

“No. You look  _ really _ tired.”

Yuri didn’t really understand. “I am  _ really _ tired. I have Hanahaki Disease and my grandfather is recovering from a broken hip and just got sick.  _ Of course _ I’m tired.”

“Are you taking care of yourself?” Mila asked. She looked concerned. 

“Of course I am.”

“You look thinner.”

Yuri scoffed. “I’ve always been thin.”

“Your clothes don’t look like they fit you right anymore.” 

Yuri looked down at his body. Sure, his sweater was a little loose but it had always been like that. His jeans seemed maybe a bit baggier than before but he couldn’t really tell. He never paid attention to things like that. 

“I think I look fine.”

“Have you weighed yourself recently?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should. You’ll be coming back to skating, right? You have to watch your weight.”

“Are you just gonna nag me?” Yuri asked. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just worried.” Mila did look sorry. She wasn’t meeting his eyes. It was weird for someone like her to act so meek. 

The waitress came back and they gave her their orders. She left again and the two skaters faced each other.

“How’s Sara been?” Yuri asked, not wanting to talk about his life anymore. 

Mila brightened up at the change in conversation. “She’s fine. She wants to visit in the off season. I’ve been trying to talk Yakov into letting me have a week off when she comes.”

“He won’t let you have a week off,” Yuri said. Then he paused. “How did you get the day off?”

“I told him I was going to visit you.”

“He allowed that?”

“Lilia sends her love,” Mila said. At Yuri’s bewildered expression she amended, “Well, she actually sends her regards to you and your grandfather but if she loved, she’d probably send it too.”

“Thanks,” Yuri said. 

Mila’s and Yuri’s teas arrived. They thanked the waitress and she walked away. 

“Yakov is worried about you,” Mila said as she put sugar into her drink, “He mentions you a lot, especially after he calls. I think he’s worried you’re turning into Viktor.”

“I’m not going to be Viktor,” Yuri replied and took a sip. The tea burned his tongue but he didn’t care. It made him not feel like shit. 

“He’s just worried and I understand. I still remember Viktor’s face when he packed up and left that day.” Mila looked sadly into her tea. “I wonder what went through his mind sometimes. How he could love Yuuri so much. He must have felt so lonely to think he had nothing left to live for.”

“I don’t want to talk about them,” Yuri said.

“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me.” Mila recovered quickly, a smile back on her face. “Did you know Michele called me the other day?”

“What for?” Yuri asked, taking a drink.

“He found lube in Sara’s practice bag and-” She was cut off by Yuri’s spit take. He coughed violently, petals falling into his hands and slipping between his fingers. 

Mila’s smile faded to terror. “Yuri, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cough.”

When Yuri got a hold on his cough he said, “I don’t care about the cough. Why the fuck would you tell me that? That’s disgusting. I don’t want to know about that!”

Mila covered her mouth with her hand but Yuri knew she was laughing. “What’s so funny, hag?”

“You haven’t changed,” she said, “So much has changed but you haven’t.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Let me fill you in on gossip at the rink.”

Yuri shrugged. “Sure.” 

They spent an hour and a half at the restaurant. Yuri enjoyed himself a lot. He almost didn’t want to leave. But he had to get groceries and get back to his grandfather as soon as possible so he didn’t stay any longer. 

Mila paid the bill and they both went outside. Before the parted ways, Mila grabbed his arm. “If you need anything, Yuri, anything at all, please let me know. You really look overworked.”

“Okay,” Yuri said with absolutely no intention of asking for help, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, “Call me sometime.”

“Yeah,” Yuri said as he walked away. 

Food shopping took another hour so he’d been gone a while by the time he got back home. He was greeted by hearing his grandfather cough again. Yuri went immediately into the bedroom.

“I’m back,” he said, “Are you okay?”

His grandfather hadn’t seemed to have moved since he’d left. Sasha was nowhere to be seen but that wasn’t a surprise. 

“I’m fine,” Nikolai replied, “It’s just a cough. I’m over the worst of it.”

“And you were alright when I was out?” Yuri asked. He sat down at the foot of the bed.

“I was. You worry too much,” Nikolai said.

“I worry just enough,” Yuri replied, “Maybe you should go to the doctor again. Your cough still hasn’t cleared up.”

“It will take more than a cough to keep me down.” But then he coughed again. Yuri hated the sound. If he never heard another cough in his life, he’d be thrilled. 

“Please?”

“If it will make you feel better, alright.”

“Thank you, Grandpa.” Yuri got back up. “I need to put away the food.” 

“Then you should go do that.” As Yuri left the room, Sasha found him. She walked with him into the kitchen and started rubbing up against him. She meowed as he put away the groceries.

“Sasha, it’s not dinnertime,” Yuri said. She meowed back at him. When he was finished, he picked her up. She purred in his arms as he walked back to his room. Yeah, she definitely wanted food. And Yuri was enough of a sucker that he’d give it to her. 

* * *

The shit hit the fan a week later. Yuri was having a lot of trouble breathing. And he wasn’t the only one. Nikolai was coughing way too much to Yuri’s liking.  Yuri had to sit him up in bed so he’d be able to breathe. Yuri called the doctor at least daily and, quite frankly, she was getting annoyed with him. Not that Yuri cared. So long as his grandfather was okay, he couldn’t care less who he annoyed. 

It was another such day. It was pretty early in the evening and Yuri was calling Otabek. 

“How’s it been?” Yuri asked as soon as his beloved picked up.

“Fine,” Otabek replied immediately, “How have you been?”

“You know,” Yuri replied, “The same.” He could hear his grandfather coughing in the bedroom. 

“How has the progress been with your seduction?” Otabek asked.

“Blunt,” Yuri replied. 

Otabek gave him a look that although was wordless, spoke volumes. He was not happy with that answer.

“Not great,” Yuri said and coughed. It took him a minute to recover but what with the frequent calls, Otabek knew to wait. 

“Yura, I would want to help you with this but I can’t. You have to do this yourself.”

“I know. I know. Trust me, Beka, I’m concerned. I don’t exactly want to die.”

“Then you need to keep going.” He paused. “How far along are you?”

“I’m getting to the point where if I want the surgery, I need to do it,” Yuri replied. 

“Yura.”

“Beka.”

“Please keep trying. Don’t give up.”

“I would never,” Yuri replied. He heard more coughing from the bedroom. 

“Good. Don’t. I know how strong you are, Yura.”

“Thanks.” Yuri didn’t feel strong. He felt like a scared, sick child. He hated being weak. His body was killing him. He was losing everything he loved.

The coughing hadn’t stopped. “Yurochka.” Yuri dropped his phone and ran into the bedroom, which was a mistake. As soon as he got there, he was bent double coughing. As soon as he got his breath back, he moved to Nikolai’s side.

“Grandpa?”

“I can’t breathe.” He hadn’t stopped coughing. His hands were covered in red specks. 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Yuri said and went back to his room. 

“Yura? Yura?” Otabek was still on the line. Yuri picked up his phone.

“Yura, are you okay?” Otabek was frantic. 

“Beka. My grandpa can’t breathe. I need to call an ambulance.” Yuri ended the call and dialed for an ambulance.

* * *

The wait was taking forever. As soon as they got to the hospital and Yuri was directed to the waiting room, he texted Otabek to explain everything. He was very sympathetic and they were texting back and forth as Yuri waited. Otabek made it all bearable. 

Eventually, a doctor finally came for him. “It’s pneumonia.”

“It was just the flu,” Yuri said and then muttered, “Just the fucking flu.”

“Your grandfather is not past the danger yet. We’ll let you know when there’s a change.” 

“Can I see him?” Yuri asked.

“Not until he’s stable. We’ll let you know. You should go home.” The doctor disappeared again. 

Yuri took a seat again. He didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to be there alone. Not when he felt this scared. 

There was nothing he could do. This was probably his fault. He couldn’t fail his grandfather like this. He had to be there for him. 

So Yuri made a decision.

It was late but his doctor was still working. “Hello?”

“My name is Yuri Plisetsky. I have Hanahaki Disease and I want to schedule the surgery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you for all the kudos and comments. Please keep leaving them if you're enjoying the story. See you next Monday. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Please heed my warning from chapter 1 and don't say I didn't warn you.

Yuri didn’t eat again. His grandfather had stabilized and Yuri had been to see him. But he was living at their home, alone, for the time being. Until the hospital saw fit to release him.

It was time for the daily call and Yuri couldn’t imagine anything he wanted to do less. Except eat. He felt like he was going to be sick with nerves. And being ill didn’t exactly give him an appetite. He wasn’t completely sure when he last ate. The last day and a half had been a blur. 

Otabek was calling him. Yuri didn’t even notice it until he’d missed the call. Otabek immediately called again and this time, Yuri picked up.

“How is your grandfather?” Otabek said by way of a greeting.

“Better,” Yuri replied, “He’s stable now. I’ve been to see him and he’s okay.”

“That’s good,” Otabek said as he nodded. Yuri nodded along too.

“Beka, I have a favor to ask you.” He knew his time was so limited. He didn’t want to do this but he knew he had to. He had to be able to take care of his grandfather. And he couldn’t do that if he was dying. 

“What is it?”

“It’s a big one.”

“Okay. What is it, Yura?”

“I need you to come to Russia.” Yuri knew it was entirely selfish. He had no right to ask this of Otabek. But he wanted to. He wanted Otabek to visit him one more time before he forgot him. He wanted to tell him in person that he loved him and that he wished it was enough. 

“We’re in the middle of the season,” Otabek said, “When the season ends, of course I’ll come visit.”

“It can’t wait that long. It doesn’t need to be for long. I’ll pay for it if you want but I need you here, just for a few days. Please, Beka.”

Otabek was contemplating it. Yuri could see it on his face. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I had another option,” he added.

“I need to think it over,” Otabek said.

“Fine,” Yuri replied. 

“I’ll let you know.”

“Please tell me as soon as possible.” The surgery was scheduled in two weeks. Yuri didn’t have a lot of time to be with Otabek. He just needed one goodbye.

“I will,” Otabek replied. It wasn’t as much of a relief as Yuri wanted. 

They talked for a while longer about other meaningless things. Yuri’s cough interrupted them frequently and Otabek looked so sad when he coughed. But it wasn’t like Yuri could do anything about it yet. Soon enough, it would be gone. He swore he wouldn’t die for this. And that was about to come true.

* * *

It took Otabek two days to give Yuri an answer. Yes, he would come visit him in Russia. He could only stay four days but that was more than enough time. He would come at the end of the week. Yuri spent that time trying to make the apartment habitable again. With his grandfather’s broken hip and having Hanahaki, Yuri didn’t have the time nor the patience to make the apartment look nice. So it took half a week just to clean it. 

Mila visited him again in that time but Yuri didn’t say anything about the surgery. He wanted to talk to Otabek about it first. When he was gone, Yuri could tell everyone. But for the moment, it was just too painful. He desperately didn’t want to forget. He loved Otabek so much he was dying for it. But he had to. It was time this ended. 

The day Otabek arrived, Yuri drove to the airport to meet him. He stood out in the crowd with his small suitcase, waiting for Yuri to be there. Every time Yuri saw him, his breath was taken away. He didn’t mind the coughing or the flowers or anything if it was for him. He just wished he had more time. It wouldn’t hurt once he forgot but every step he took closer to Otabek only broke his heart more. He had to face reality; he couldn’t survive his illness intact. 

“Beka.” He was glad, for once, his cough didn’t cut off his word. 

Otabek turned to look at him. And he smiled. “Yura.”

“Thank you for coming out,” Yuri said, “Want to head back to my place?”

“Sure.” 

They walked out to the parking lot in silence. It was awkward and Yuri didn’t really know what to do about it. They put Otabek’s bag in the trunk and got in the car. 

Once Yuri hit the highway, Otabek said, “How has your grandfather been?”

“For the moment, okay,” Yuri replied. He needed to cough but didn’t. 

“That’s good.”

“How’s your family?” Yuri asked, “Have you changed your Instagram password yet?”

“No.” 

Yuri chuckled. “Then Aliya’s been quiet.”

“Nothing has happened worthy of a photo,” Otabek replied. 

“That’s a lie.” As soon as he spoke, Yuri kicked himself. But if he was going to tell Otabek he was in love with him, then it didn’t matter really. “Your life is always interesting.”

“I’ve been,” he paused, “distracted.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m worried.”

“About Worlds? That’s still so far away. You’ll be-”

“About you, Yura.”

“Ah.”

They lapsed back into a silence that lasted the rest of the trip. They arrived back at the apartment shortly after. As soon as the door opened, they were greeted by the sight of Sasha sitting in the hallway. She meowed at them and came over to investigate.

“Hello, Sasha,” Otabek said. She walked up to his legs and nudged her head against him. He bent down and pet her. 

“She really likes you,” Yuri said. Not that this was the first time Otabek and Sasha had interacted. Otabek had come to visit multiple times already. Sasha just seemed to like him.

“She’s a good cat,” Otabek replied. He picked her up and she didn’t even struggle.

“We should bring your stuff to my room,” Yuri said, grabbing the suitcase since Otabek had his hands full.

“I’ve never been here before,” Otabek replied. 

“Right,” Yuri said, “It’s this way.” He gave Otabek the two second tour of the apartment and led him into his own room. Yuri figured he’d give Otabek his room and he’d take the couch. They used to share the room but Yuri imagined he wouldn’t be comfortable with that after Yuri told him he loved him. 

“It’s a nice place,” Otabek said. And he smiled at one of Yuri’s band posters.

“What?” Yuri snapped.

“Nothing,” Otabek replied but he still had that dumb smile on his face. 

“Like you don’t have anything embarrassing in your room,” Yuri said. Then he started a coughing fit. Otabek looked concerned for the duration but Yuri waved him off. He was as fine as he was going to get.

“You’ve seen my room,” Otabek replied.

“I know all the embarrassing shit you have. I could go to Instagram with that.”

“Only if you have pictures.” For the first time since Otabek arrived, Yuri smiled. 

“Wanna go get lunch?” Yuri asked.

“Sure.”

They left Sasha in Yuri’s room but she followed them out. She sat down on the doormat and meowed at them.

“We’ll be back,” Otabek said soothingly.

“She knows,” Yuri replied, “She’s just being needy.” Sasha flopped down on her back and exposed her stomach to them.

Otabek immediately bent down and pet it. Sasha didn’t even move.

“I thought for sure she was gonna claw you to death,” Yuri said as Otabek continued to pet her.

“Make that my epitaph,” Otabek replied.

“Here lies Otabek Altin. Beloved skater, son, and brother. Clawed to death by The Ice Tiger of Russia’s cat.”

“She is ferocious.”

Sasha purred. 

“Okay, we actually should go,” Yuri said, picking up his cat. She meowed in displeasure as he dumped her on the couch. “We’ll be back, Sasha.”

She meowed at them and Yuri closed the door. “Let’s go.”

They piled back into the car and headed out. Yuri wanted to go to the restaurant Mila had taken him to a few weeks prior. It didn’t take long to get there. It was still early when they got there so the lunch rush hadn’t arrived yet. 

They were seated immediately and ordered shortly after. Yuri had no appetite and just ordered tea. Otabek looked at him oddly but Yuri made no comment. He hated the looks people gave him when they knew he was sick. He hated their pity. 

Yuri’s tea arrived and he stirred in the sugar. He wasn’t looking at Otabek.

“Why did you bring me to Russia?” Otabek asked. 

“I have something to say,” Yuri said, putting the spoon down, “I’ve decided to have the surgery.”

“For your Hanahaki?” Otabek asked.

Yuri almost wanted to say something sarcastic but decided not to. “Yeah. I can’t keep living like this.”

“Maybe whoever it is will fall in love with you.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve been trying for a while.”

“Then you’re giving up.”

“Beka, I’m tired,” Yuri said, “You don’t know what this is like. I have no energy anymore. I’m trying to fight a losing battle. This is taking everything from me. I can’t take care of my grandfather. He needs my full attention and I can’t give it to him. I lost my career to this. I can’t lose my life too.”

“Are you running out of time?” Otabek asked.

“Not quite yet. The doctors gave me until my birthday. They don’t think I’m gonna live to be nineteen. But you need to have the surgery early. So I’m doing this now.”

“Do they know?”

“The doctors? Yeah, they’re aware. The surgery’s in a week and a half.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.”

Yuri shook his head. “Not yet. Beka.” He finally met his beloved’s eyes. Otabek was looked at him seriously. He looked upset. Yuri didn’t know why.

Yuri took a deep breath and was thankful that he didn’t cough. “Beka, it’s you.”

The look of horror in Otabek’s eyes caused Yuri to have a coughing fit. The petals spilled onto the table and into Yuri’s tea. He tried to keep his mouth covered but it was so hard to keep them all contained.

“Yuri.” He hated that Otabek said his full name. He sounded sad.

“Beka.” Yuri paused. “I love you, Beka. And I wish I could wait but I can’t anymore. I have to be there for my grandpa. We need each other so I can’t die for you.”

Otabek gave him a weird look. It was as if he was studying him. And then it mellowed into a gentle smile. He murmured, “Eyes of a soldier.”

Before Yuri could question what that meant, he started coughing. His lungs felt like they were being squeezed. He couldn’t catch his breath. 

Yuri watched some of the petals fall onto the table. They were heavy with blood, staining the wood red. 

Yuri was out of time. They didn’t do surgery once people were coughing up bloody petals. He was going to die. He couldn’t die.

He coughed harder, a flower getting caught in his throat. He forced it up, uncovering his mouth to see the flower. It was dripping in his blood.

“Yura,” Otabek said, horrified. He got up and moved to Yuri’s side.

“I can’t breathe,” Yuri whispered and continued coughing. 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Otabek said and whipped out his phone, “Hang on, Yura.”

Yuri nodded but what could he do? Another flower got stuck in his throat. This was the end. There was nothing more he could do.

* * *

The sound of blades on ice.

A jump.

A smile.

A trail of petals litter the ice.

Nothing hurts.

Where is he?

Short hair.

They come close.

Yellow flowers.

Gentle smiles. 

They speak.

* * *

Yuri woke up unsure of where he was. He’d been in an ambulance but didn’t remember anything after that. But the room was white and Yuri had a guess. He sighed.

“Yura?” Yuri turned his head ever so slightly and saw Otabek. He was seated in a plastic chair at the foot of Yuri’s bed. 

“Beka.” He sounded tired. He was. So tired.

“Yura, how are you feeling? Do you need a nurse?” 

“I’m fine,” Yuri replied and sat up a bit. He had a tube up his nose again. He coughed and red coated petals fell into his hands. He had grown to hate the yellow color of the petals but in that moment, he’d take them back in a heartbeat.

“Sorry,” Yuri said, “Didn’t mean to end up in the hospital while you were visiting.”

“It’s okay,” Otabek said.

“No, Beka, it’s really not. I’m dying. They won’t give me the surgery if I’m coughing up blood.” He exhaled and relaxed into the pillow behind him. He wouldn’t be there for his grandfather. He was only eighteen and he was dying. He felt so defeated. He’d fought for so long and in the end, it didn’t matter. He was going to die just like Viktor and Yuuri. 

He wasn’t going to cry. He hadn’t cried throughout the entire thing. It wasn’t going to happen now.

“Yura, you’re not dying,” Otabek said, taking Yuri’s hand. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m coughing up blood. That’s always the last sign before someone dies of Hanahaki Disease.” 

Otabek stood up and leaned over to Yuri. He pushed Yuri’s bangs away from his right eye and tucked the hair behind his ear. And he kissed his forehead.

“You’re not dying. You’re getting better.”

Yuri’s mind went completely blank. He just stared at the sheet in front of him. He had no idea how to process what just happened.

“Yura. Did you hear me? Your lungs are clearing out the flowers. This always happens when your love is reciprocated. You’re getting better. You’re not going to die.”

“I’m not going to die,” Yuri repeated. Then he looked at Otabek. “You love me?”

“I love you,” Otabek said, “It’s over, Yura. You’re going to be fine.”

Yuri felt the burning pressure behind his eyes. “You love me.” He couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He hated crying. He didn’t want to cry but it seemed his body had other plans.

“Don’t cry,” Otabek said gently.

“You love me.” Yuri couldn’t believe it. He would be getting better. He was going to live and the man he loved so much loved him too. He wasn’t like Yuuri and Viktor. Yuri was going to have a happy ending.

“I love you, Yura.” Yuri broke down, hiding his face in his hands. The tears came in earnest and he couldn’t stop them.

“Yura, are you okay?”

Yuri couldn’t even answer he was crying so hard. That led into a coughing fit with blood covered petals and flowers and tears all mixing into a handful of tissues. 

“It’s okay,” Otabek said soothingly, running a hand over Yuri’s hair. It felt nice but Yuri couldn’t stop crying. He was just so relieved. It was finally over.

* * *

No one really wanted Yuri out of bed but he did it anyway. The first time, he took off the heart monitor and gave a nurse a heart attack. After that, he was given permission for his visit.

Nikolai was in a room on a higher floor and Yuri wanted to see him. He was doing much better and was set to be released within a few days. And so was Yuri. Otabek had been right. After a chest x-ray, it was determined that he was getting better. According to the doctor, it was perfectly normal to cough up blood when his love was reciprocated. He would cough up most of the flowers within a few days and have some strangling petals over the weeks but he would be completely cured within a few months. Which meant he could return to skating with the start of the new season. And that was a great relief.

Otabek tried to stay with Yuri but he insisted that Otabek take his keys and go back to the apartment. Yuri had everything set up anyway and someone needed to feed Sasha if Yuri was stuck in the hospital for a little while. He agreed with a promise to visit him again soon. And that led to Yuri’s first attempted visit and subsequent nurse freak-out. 

The second attempt went much better as this one was allowed by the staff. Yuri went to the fifth floor and wandered back to the now-familiar room. He knocked on the door before letting himself inside. 

“Hey, Grandpa,” he said and came in. Nikolai looked better than the last time Yuri had visited him. He made direct eye contact with him and didn’t look too pleased.

“Did they tell you I was here?” Yuri asked. Not that it wasn’t obvious with the hospital gown and robe he was forced to wear. 

“Yes, they did.”

“Did they tell you I’m cured?” Yuri coughed and tucked the red petals into the robe pocket.

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Yuri pulled up a chair and sat down. “Well, I am. Otabek loves me back.”

“I’m happy for you, Yurochka,” Nikolai said, “You’re going to be fine.”

“So will you, Grandpa. You’re getting out of the hospital soon too. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Did you doubt it?”

“A bit.” At Nikolai’s look Yuri amended, “Okay, a lot. I was scared you wouldn’t be okay and I would die. And I couldn’t leave you so I was afraid.” Yuri trailed off at the end.

“Yurochka, I still have plenty of time left in me. And you have your whole life in front of you.”

“I know that  _ now _ ,” Yuri replied, “Now, I’m cured.”

Nikolai chuckled.  “Don’t change, Yurochka. Don’t change.”

* * *

Yuri was released from the hospital the next day with an appointment scheduled to track his recovery. He and Otabek arrived back at the apartment in the early morning. Sasha wandered over to him and rubbed her head against his leg. Yuri picked her up and stroked her soft fur. Otabek pet her head too and she leaned into his touch. 

Yuri put her back on the ground before she got overwhelmed and walked into his room. He was in desperate need of a change of clothes. He only had the stuff he’d been admitted to the hospital with and he didn’t want to wear it again. 

When Yuri reemerged, Otabek said, “What should we do?”

“Don’t you have to go back in two days?” Yuri asked.

“Yes.”

“Sorry I was in the hospital for half your trip.”

“It was for a good reason,” Otabek replied. And he smiled. Yuri smiled too.

“Whatever you want, Beka. We could go sightseeing, do the tourist shit.”

“Sure.”

After giving Sasha her food, the two set off. It was later January, cold, and certainly not the time to go sightseeing. Although it wasn’t snowing, it was certainly colder than the temperatures Otabek was used to in Kazakhstan. And within a few minutes, he was shivering. Yuri pulled him into a public building. 

“Yuri?” he asked.

“Sightseeing was a bad idea,” Yuri replied, “Let’s stay here for a bit.”

Otabek didn’t argue the point. It didn’t take long for them to warm up. Yuri didn’t mind the wait. They didn’t even have to talk; he just liked being near Otabek. He liked seeing Otabek smile. 

“We should head back,” Yuri said, “We can just hang out at the apartment. Sasha would like that.”

“That’s fine,” Otabek replied. They went back out into the cold. After several minutes of walking, they passed by the rink. It was still early.

“Can we stop there?” Yuri asked.

“Sure.”

Yuri all but ran inside, Otabek following closely behind him. Practice was still in session, the skaters all working on their routines. There were still plenty of competitions left in the season so everyone was hard at work. 

Mila was the first to notice him. “Yuri!” she screamed from across the rink and skated to him as fast as she could. At the edge of the rink, she put on her skate guards as fast as possible and threw her arms around him. Yuri even returned the hug. 

“Hi, Otabek,” she said while still hugging Yuri. 

“Hi,” he replied.

“How are you feeling?” Mila asked, leaning back so she could see Yuri’s face. 

“Pretty good,” he replied, “I’m cured.”

“You’re cured?” she asked. Yuri coughed up a few petals but the deep ache in his chest was lessening. He felt better. 

“I’m getting better.”

“I’m so happy for you!” she shouted, coming in for another hug. “Otabek, get over here!” He hesitantly walked over and Mila threw an arm around him too.

“Mila!” Yakov called. 

“Yakov, it’s Yuri!” Mila shouted without letting go of either of them. 

“Mila, you can let go now,” Yuri said, trying to push her off. But she didn’t. It was awkward but Yuri kinda liked it in a weird way. He might as well be telling his sister that he was cured.

“It’s good to see you, Yuri,” Yakov said. Yuri couldn’t see him approached because Mila’s head was in the way. 

“You too,” Yuri said. Then he pushed against Mila and she finally let go. He walked over to Yakov. 

“How have you been?” he asked gruffly.

“Good. I’m getting better.”

Yakov smiled at him. Honest to god smiled. Yuri had never seen him smile before. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” And Yuri knew that was true.

“I should be back by the end of the season.”

“Take the time you need, Yuri. You’re always welcome here.”

“Thank you.”

His life was coming back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I think my favorite scene in this whole story is when Otabek confesses. I had that scene planned for a very long time before it was actually written. It's so sweet and I love it. :)  
> Thank you for reading. The epilogue will be published on Thursday. I'll see you then. :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri's exhibition skate music is [Mercy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV5ciXCfvQQ) by Shawn Mendes.

**Five Months Later**

“We’re back!” Yuri called as he walked in the door. 

“Good to see you again, Otabek,” Nikolai said. He sat in a chair near the door, Sasha curled up in his lap. The lack of crutches was a good thing. They were still stored in a hall closet but Nikolai just used a cane now. The physical therapy had done him a world of good. 

“It’s good to see you too, sir,” Otabek replied, “You look good.”

“I feel good. And why are you calling me ‘sir’?”

“He doesn’t want to be treated like an old man,” Yuri said quickly before taking Otabek’s suitcase from him. He chuckled softly to himself as Otabek apologized. He dumped the suitcase in his room, which was a little cleaner than before but honestly, Yuri could never be bothered to keep it neat. Yakov used to drive him crazy about that. 

Yuri returned to the living room to see Otabek and Nikolai both smiling. “What?” Yuri asked.

“It’s nothing,” they both replied. 

Yuri shrugged. “Wanna head out then, Beka?”

“Sure.”

“We’ll be back in a little while,” Yuri said.

“Have fun, Yurochka.” 

Sasha meowed her goodbye.

Yuri closed the door and he and Otabek headed out. They were headed to the rink to have some fun. Practice was over so everyone had already gone home. That was for the best. Yuri had gotten some shit for taking the time off for Otabek’s visit. Yakov had worked him hard once he’d been cleared by his doctor to skate again. But he’d wanted to get back into shape. And he was getting better at skating for long periods of time. He could almost complete a full free program. But he would be ready once the competitions started. 

Still, Yakov and Lilia weren’t pleased that he had just come back to the ice only to take some time off. Mila had teased him mercilessly and he teased her right back. She was supportive of his relationship and he’d missed calling her a hag in front of her girlfriend. 

But when they got there, there was no one around. They laced up their skates and hit the ice. It felt so good to be back. It was even better to have Otabek by his side. 

“How does it feel?” Otabek asked.

“Freeing,” Yuri replied, “I feel triumphant.”

“You are.”

“Damn right I am. I’m even getting all my jumps back.”

Otabek tilted his head to indicate a question.

“Yeah. Let me show you.” Yuri skated to build up speed. Then he did a triple axel. He landed it cleanly and looked back at Otabek. “Way better than I was six months ago.”

Otabek nodded once. Yuri smiled at him. “I’ve got something to show you.”

“Yes?”

“It’s my exhibition piece. The one I couldn’t skate at the GPF.” Because he’d been in the hospital but he didn’t mention that.  

“I’d like to see it.” Otabek moved off to the sidelines and Yuri skated over to him, handing off his phone. 

“This is the song. Press play when I’m in position,” Yuri said. He skated back to the center of the rink and got down on his knees. While looking at the ground with his hair over his face, Yuri gave Otabek a thumbs up.

The song started playing, a gentle hum at first. Yuri rose to his knees in time to the hum. He was only on his feet as the words began. 

Yuri had designed the piece to be simple. He had been pretty sick when he’d created it so he didn’t want to make it too intense. But all the emotions he wanted to convey were there. The pain he had been feeling, the heartache. He was begging Otabek for mercy from his disease. It was the reason he’d chosen “Mercy” to be his song. 

He finished, directing his final pose to Otabek, who applauded him. He was breathing heavily but he was proud of himself. It just showed how much he had improved in the passing months. 

“It was good,” Otabek said.

“I wanted to show you. It was meant for you,” Yuri said. 

“It’s a good song.”

“So was yours. You didn’t tell me you took one of my song suggestions,” Yuri said as he skated over to him. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” Otabek replied. 

“You did,” Yuri replied and kissed him. 

* * *

“Hey, Beka,” Yuri said. They were lying on his bed, watching a movie. They had been paying very little attention to it, much more absorbed in each other.

Otabek hummed in a question.

“When did you know?” Yuri turned towards him, his laptop falling off his legs onto the bed. 

“Know what?”

“That you loved me.”

Otabek smiled at him. “When you confessed to me.”

“Didn’t know you could fall in love with word vomit,” Yuri replied, settling himself back into position. Then he sat up to fix the laptop.

“It wasn’t that.”

“Then what was it.”

“When you said you wouldn’t wait for me.”

Yuri picked up the laptop and gave Otabek a funny look. “Shouldn’t that do, you know, the opposite?” He hadn’t wanted to say that, even if it had been true.

“You were willing to do anything for your grandfather. And you had a look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

“The same look you had when we met in that ballet class. The same look you had in Barcelona. You have the eyes of a soldier. You’re very brave, Yura.”

“Thanks,” Yuri replied, “I don’t think I was brave.”

“You don’t?”

“I was desperate. I wasn’t brave; I was scared. So I made a choice.”

“It was the right choice,” Otabek said.

Yuri gave him a quizzical look. “Forgetting you was the right choice?”

“I wouldn’t want you to die for me, Yura. You shouldn’t follow Viktor’s legacy.”

Yuri inhaled deeply and exhaled. Hearing Viktor’s name didn’t hurt the way it once did. “That would make you Yuuri, wouldn’t it?”

“They made mistakes and it cost them their lives,” Otabek replied. He reached out and pushed Yuri’s bangs away from his eyes. 

“The whole time, I told myself I couldn’t be them,” Yuri said, “I swore I wouldn’t.”

“And you’re not.” 

“No, I’m not. I’m alive.” 

“You’re alive.” Yuri lay back down and they restarted the movie. Even lying close to Otabek was nice. His arm was around Yuri. He was comfortable right next to him. 

Yuri turned to Otabek and pulled him in for a kiss. It was gentle, sweet kiss. Like so many they had shared already. The Yuri pulled Otabek closer. Otabek reciprocated and the kissing became more. The laptop slid off Yuri’s lap and onto the bed next to him. Now freed, Yuri sat up and started straddling Otabek. Otabek grabbed his ass and pulled him in. 

“Beka,” Yuri said, pulling back, “Let’s do this.”

“Are you sure?” Otabek asked.

“I’m sure. I feel alive.”

“Okay.” And he pulled Yuri close.

* * *

Yuri didn’t know where he was. It was a skating rink and although he stood at the edge of the ice, he wasn’t cold. His hair brushed up against his chin, which it hadn’t done in years. 

Someone stood in the middle of the rink, staring down at the ground. He was dressed in blue and black. He looked up and started skating. Yuri could hear the sounds of blades on ice. It wasn’t until after he performed a successful quad flip did Yuri recognize him. It was Yuuri. He was skating Viktor’s last free program. 

There was no music but Yuri knew the program was only a minute in when Viktor skated out to meet Yuuri. He was dressed in his free program costume, pink to match Yuuri’s blue. Viktor lifted Yuuri in the air. They were smiling, engrossed in each other and their routine. Yuri was confused. Why was he there?

As they skated across the ice, they left trails of petals in their wake. From Viktor’s costume, lilac petals spawned and from Yuuri’s dark purple. The same flowers they’d both choked to death on. 

They posed together in the middle of the rink, looking only at each other. Yuri felt vaguely uncomfortable. But then they turned to him. They were smiling at him and skated over. Yuri didn’t know what to do. So he just stood there. 

They met him at the barrier of the rink. Viktor and Yuuri held out their hands, each holding two yellow flowers. Yuri looked at the flowers and then back at them. They were covered in flower petals but they were smiling. They moved the flowers closer to Yuri. He reached out and took them, one bouquet from each. 

Once he had the flowers, they put their hands down. They spoke.

* * *

“Yura.”

Yuri was pulled from his dream. Someone was shaking him awake. “Yura, wake up.”

“Beka?” he asked. Yuri opened his eyes and looked around. Otabek looked down at him, concerned. He was still naked. So was Yuri. 

“Yura, why are you crying?” 

“Crying?” Yuri put a hand up to his eyes and sure enough, he could feel the tears. He blinked and another fell down his cheek.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

“No. Not at all.”

Otabek paused, as if waiting for Yuri to continue speaking. When he said nothing, he asked, “What was it about?”

“I dreamt of Viktor and Yuuri. They were skating and then they handed me flowers. That was it.” 

“What flowers?”

“I don’t know. They were yellow.”

Otabek reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. He opened it up, the bright light illuminating his face. It was still dark out. 

“Are these it?” he asked and showed Yuri a picture. 

“No,” Yuri replied, “That’s primrose. That’s what I was coughing up, remember.”

Otabek took his phone back and started scrolling through pictures. “I remember.”

“It isn’t that big a deal, Beka. It was a dream.”

He didn’t look up from his phone. “Flower meanings are symbolic, Yura. It defines your love. Primrose means “I can’t live without you”.”

“How do you know that?”

“I looked it up.” He leaned over. “Is this it?”

“No.” Yuri leaned next to Otabek to look. Clearly, he wasn’t going to stop.

It took five minutes before Otabek found the flower. It was a daffodil. Otabek then looked up the meaning.

“Daffodils mean joy, happiness, rebirth, unrequited love, and eternal life,” Otabek read. He looked at Yuri.

“Oh,” Yuri said.

“What?”

“That reminded me. They said something to me.”

“What did they say?”

Yuri smiled at him. “Be happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. Thank you so much for reading this series. Please leave any last kudos or comments as they're always appreciated. I have another Otayuri work coming out soon so I hope you'll come back and read that one (it's cracky this time, not angsty). Thank you again. :)


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